Just curious how many marriages did not involve an actual "proposal"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I can't imagine being proposed to in a relationship of equals. It just seems mutually exclusive.

And you would feel the same if a woman asked a man?

Someone brings the topic up. The other person is in favor or not. It happens with marriage, parenthood, home ownership, going out to dinner . . . the fact that one person is ahead of the other doesn't mean they aren't equals.

I think we might have a different idea of what constitutes a proposal. If a proposal is one of the two parties "bringing the topic up", then if I remember the conversation correctly I think you could say I proposed to my husband because I'm the one who brought it up during the particular conversation where we decided to do it. But I don't consider that a proposal. To me, a proposal is where one of the two parties (usually the man, so I will use male pronouns) decides that he is going to ask the other party to marry him, does not say anything to her about it beforehand (although often his family/friends are aware of it ahead of time), sometimes/often buys a ring, and then "pops the question," sometimes/often while on a vacation or at a special dinner or the like. There is an element of surprise in it (at least in the timing, even if the other party knows it is coming in a general way), and it is definitely one party asking the question of the other, not the two parties having a discussion about it.

I have a friend who was so traditional that she waited around for maybe two years and got really frustrated with it before her now-husband finally did the whole proposal thing (I think he felt a lot of pressure about it too because he knew how much it meant to her to have a good story). The whole time I was just like, why don't you just discuss it like two grown-ups? It seemed bizarre to me. But this friend is very much the type of woman who enjoys traditional stuff so she was willing to wait to get her fairy tale proposal and then wedding. We both seem to have happy marriages and are happy with how our marriages came about. So, to each her own.

[Anonymous]

No proposal here. Glad to see others went that route too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

I almost fell for your line you troll-baiter!

What are you talking about? Some men out there still have values and like to do things with tradition. STFU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

I almost fell for your line you troll-baiter!

What are you talking about? Some men out there still have values and like to do things with tradition. STFU

Which proper southern gentleman taught you how to say 'STFU'? Is he one of those proper gentleman that maintains the values and traditions of the white hood - that was as traditional in the south as asking a father for a daughter's hand in marriage. I don't see anyone admitting they miss that chivalrous tradition.

[Anonymous]

I never would have married a guy who didn't have the respect to talk to my Father beforehand.

[Anonymous]

I think its adorable that my DH asked both my parents. Chivalry is not dead and SHOCKER, some of us still like it.

Just because you dont does not mean you need to slam others who do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

I almost fell for your line you troll-baiter!

What are you talking about? Some men out there still have values and like to do things with tradition. STFU

Which proper southern gentleman taught you how to say 'STFU'? Is he one of those proper gentleman that maintains the values and traditions of the white hood - that was as traditional in the south as asking a father for a daughter's hand in marriage. I don't see anyone admitting they miss that chivalrous tradition.

Im the pp you quoted...not from the South, do not have a Southern DH, but as I stated some men out there still have traditions they enjoy that are old fashioned. I could care less what you think of my mouth STFU!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

I almost fell for your line you troll-baiter!

Gotta love the "enlightened" women of D.C.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

I almost fell for your line you troll-baiter!

What are you talking about? Some men out there still have values and like to do things with tradition. STFU

Which proper southern gentleman taught you how to say 'STFU'? Is he one of those proper gentleman that maintains the values and traditions of the white hood - that was as traditional in the south as asking a father for a daughter's hand in marriage. I don't see anyone admitting they miss that chivalrous tradition.

Remember your words when you complain that men push you out of the way to get to a door.. don't offer a seat on a crowded Metro train.. that they all lack manners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

I almost fell for your line you troll-baiter!

What are you talking about? Some men out there still have values and like to do things with tradition. STFU

Which proper southern gentleman taught you how to say 'STFU'? Is he one of those proper gentleman that maintains the values and traditions of the white hood - that was as traditional in the south as asking a father for a daughter's hand in marriage. I don't see anyone admitting they miss that chivalrous tradition.

Remember your words when you complain that men push you out of the way to get to a door.. don't offer a seat on a crowded Metro train.. that they all lack manners

My words are meant for morons like you.

[Anonymous]

My philosophy was that DH could make the effort to propose and purchase a nice ring before we got engaged. After all, I was the person with money and property - he was getting the better deal for sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My philosophy was that DH could make the effort to propose and purchase a nice ring before we got engaged. After all, I was the person with money and property - he was getting the better deal for sure

Better deal? Yeah, you sound like a real prize. I hope your DH doesn't mind that you consider yourself his better.

[Anonymous]

Of course I'm his better. Without me, he'd be living in filth, never touching a vegetable and be in debt instead of having his first million. Not one doubt about it.