Just curious how many marriages did not involve an actual "proposal"

[Anonymous]

Definitely no proposal. I don't like them. Well, unless I'm doing the proposing. And no engagement ring. We both have wedding rings--mine is a family heirloom and his was modestly priced. Our wedding was more traditional than I might have planned on my own but both of our families wanted to have a celebration. I wore a black evening gown; he wore a sports jacket. We had a civil ceremony and a party in a boathouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you count "well, i guess we really should get married now!" while staring at a positive pregnancy test....


8 yrs married/12 together, so it's worked out!

Hee! Us too.

this is a fun thread.

[Anonymous]

I know so many brides who dragged their spouses by the nose to Tiffany's and it never worked out, seriously. Guess he saw the writing on the wall after the Rolex, the diamond earrings..........too bad he didn't see it sooner, he'd have some cash in his pocket for his kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

Sounds like the guy you gave up who wanted to ask permission was a gentleman. Dont knock certain peoples traditions.

[Anonymous]

Well, I did get a traditional proposal, but my husband used a ring that has been in my family for a long time, so it was a surprise proposal.

[Anonymous]

Ha! DH & I talked marriage a lot and started looking for a wedding date. At some pt I said that we were not engaged until there's a ring on my finger. We picked one out the next day & were married a couple of months later.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple who went ring shopping together, and then after the ring had been sized, he "proposed." I thought it quite odd, as they were already engaged as soon as they mutually agreed to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

Sounds like the guy you gave up who wanted to ask permission was a gentleman. Dont knock certain peoples traditions.

Not the poster you are addressing, but most women are no longer moving from their father's home to their husband's with no stop in between. Most of us are not chattel, but there are a few people, I guess, who promise to "obey" in their vows. To each her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

Sounds like the guy you gave up who wanted to ask permission was a gentleman. Dont knock certain peoples traditions.

Not the poster you are addressing, but most women are no longer moving from their father's home to their husband's with no stop in between. Most of us are not chattel, but there are a few people, I guess, who promise to "obey" in their vows. To each her own.

Not what I meant in my reponse to her post, actually totally opposite.

My DH and I lived together for over a year before he proposed and he asked both my parents just because he felt it was a nice gesture. I certainly dont "belong" to him and I was not "property" of my parents but it was a gentlemanly gesture. I dont think my dad cared at all but my DH is one who still holds the door for me, walks on the outside when we are walking in the street, and I like his old school manners. And we are 28 so alot of guys lack this type of behavior and I find it refreshing.

[Anonymous]

I personally think too many people plan weddings, and not enough people plan marriages.

This (poster hit the nail on the head).

Going over the top with a billboard or at a sporting event, in my opinion, overshadows the actual importance and meaning of the gesture. I think people can get so caught up in the wedding hoopla, so much that when it’s all over they have the "shit, now what do we do" feeling.

A side note - is anyone bothered by the issue that asking a date to the prom has almost taken on the engagement size proportion? I can't decide how I feel about it. It kind of bothers me that teenagers are going over the top for prom, but then I think, heck silly love and infatuation should be in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I personally think too many people plan weddings, and not enough people plan marriages.

So true, so true!!

No proposal, no bridal shower, tiny wedding, no honeymoon (out of necessity)
I did get an engagement ring because it's what DH wanted.

I'm actually a little relieved to read this thread. Sometimes I feel like we missed out, but then I realize that we're incredibly lucky to have found each other and be married that I have nothing to complain about. So, it's nice to see that others had a similar experience. The wedding industry is so dominating that you feel as if you're an anomaly if you don't want the big, huge wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in what I consider a very solid marriage (6 years married), known each other 9 years. There was a point where we discussed marriage and decided that we were both ready, but no actual proposal, no "Will you marry me?" moment. Can't say I missed it or that I feel that's somehow wrong.

(Yes, for inquiring minds, I have a very nice ring).

I'm wondering how many couples this is true for.

Same here, and I've been married six years. I have discussed this with younger, singletons who have asked about my "engagement story." I think many couples put entirely too much emphasis on the events--the fancy engagement, the fancy wedding. I barely remember what was said when my fiance and I returned from the jewelers with the ring. At some point, he obviously gave it to me. What I remember is the conversation we had, leading up to the purchase of the ring. It's the very grown-up conversation you have when you realize you don't want to spend a minute without that person in your life. Now, that's special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

[Anonymous]

To those of you who did not have the traditional proposal-did you ever feel that you missed out on the romance of it all? There are years and years to be practical and grown-up and to get through the "drudgery" of day to day life. But, it doesn't seem that the proposal or decision to get married should be steeped in practicality as well.

[Anonymous]

My then-boyfriend said, you know if we end up doing the "marriage thing" we should schedule it for the following summer because it won't conflict with our studies. I agreed. Eventually it became clear we were going to do the marriage thing.

If he had given me an engagement ring, I would have made him take it back.

Married 20 years.