Playdate frequency in private schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I cannot attend the playdate, my DD does not attend..period!

If a parent demanded to stay at the age of 6 for a playdate, it would be the last playdate we ever had with that child because I would think there was something seriously wrong with the parent and would not ever feel comfortable sending my child to their house nor would I want them in my house. I think if a parent can't separate from a child for a few hours from a school age child that is a very real problem.

You can call it or see it anyway that fits you, but that is how I choose to raise my child. My child's safety is much more important to me than a playdate at YOUR house. Our home is quite lovely, so we dont have a need to feel honored to be at yours. My child happens to be one of the popular kids in her class, and we are invited to many playdates. I've never had a problem with any parent feeling uncomfortable with me or my child, and vice versa, and our school is quite diverse. The issue is not being able to separate from my child, the issue is leaving my child with a stranger. Either you dont watch the news or you are looking for a babysitter for a couple of hours!! I wont judge you for leaving your child and please dont judge me for staying with mine!

But how can your child go to school? After all, the school is filled with strangers. Do you go with your child every day and sit through class? Will this continue through high school? College?

As a mother, how could one ever drop their child off at a playdate at your house? You don't seem trustworthy or capable of making good decisions. You aren't capable of reading and understanding people. What if you over react to a very simple situation or under react?. How do I know you won't over react and possibly become violent as you feel you must keep your child "safe" from danger? Worse, how do I know you won't become delusional or hear voices that tell you my child is "unsafe"...

I know you are patting yourself on the back because you think you are so wonderful but really you need to consider why as an adult you aren't capable of determining whether a situation would be safe or not.

After hanging out with the parents a few times, I have been able to find some parents I am comfortable with and some I am not. The ones I am comfortable with I drop my child off for a couple hours for playdates. The others I suggest group outings.

I am very capable of determining whether a situation is safe, my 3 or 4 year old definitely cannot make that decision. Dropping your child off at school full of people, and leaving my child at someone's home is apples and oranges...once again, I do pat myself on the back for being a wonderful mom. Kids are always at my home, and I dont have issues with parents that stay with their child or parents that live their child in my care. You are ridiculous..so now I must BE pyscho because I dont agree with you leaving your child with STRANGERS! As stated in the previous post, as long as you are comfortable with your decisions, good for you! Doesn't change my opinion at all....we can agree to disagree on this one---

FYI--the same questions you asked above, are the reasons I stay with my child. You could answer all these questions by passing someone on the way to class in the mornings, or a 5 minute conversation during a class session. For your child's sake, I hope you are the great judge of character that you think you are, and I hope you prove me wrong.

[Anonymous]

Have had 2 playdates this whole year for pk son. Asked 1000 times and nobody interested. It's hard. Ds asks all the time. But the moms are just not willing to do it.

[Anonymous]

Getting back to the original topic of this post (and away from the slightly unbelievable & incredibly weird discussion of private school moms who won't let their kid go on a playdate without them):

I think in any grade there is a hard-core group (small) of parents who have playdates every week or more. Often these playdates involve the same kids over and over again - kids have best friends they like to play with.

It is also my impression that many (most) kids have playdates every few weeks, and this frequency declines as they get older and busier.

I find it hard to believe that there are many evil moms who decline a first invitation for a playdate.

I do think that sometimes kids don't click, and then it becomes awkward. If my kid likes your kid a lot and wants regular playdates, but your kid is not so fond of my kid, it gets awkward when I keep asking for playdates. Nothing personal, but that sometimes happens. I don't think lack of playdate invitations is ever a reflection on the parents (except for the crazies who insist on staying for the playdate).

Would be curious to know what others think.

[Anonymous]

By the time you kid is a few months into PK, it's pretty clear who s/he likes to play with. Those are the ones you arrange playdates with. There are some friends with whom I don't arrange playdates because they live too far away.

I also arrange playdates with kids whose moms I like.

We probably do a playdate once every three weeks or so. The parents usually stay for the first playdate, but after that, we play it by ear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting back to the original topic of this post (and away from the slightly unbelievable & incredibly weird discussion of private school moms who won't let their kid go on a playdate without them):

I think in any grade there is a hard-core group (small) of parents who have playdates every week or more. Often these playdates involve the same kids over and over again - kids have best friends they like to play with.

It is also my impression that many (most) kids have playdates every few weeks, and this frequency declines as they get older and busier.

I find it hard to believe that there are many evil moms who decline a first invitation for a playdate.

I do think that sometimes kids don't click, and then it becomes awkward. If my kid likes your kid a lot and wants regular playdates, but your kid is not so fond of my kid, it gets awkward when I keep asking for playdates. Nothing personal, but that sometimes happens. I don't think lack of playdate invitations is ever a reflection on the parents (except for the crazies who insist on staying for the playdate).

Would be curious to know what others think.

The ladies on this post are quite funny to me! I am one of the so-called weirdo parents that attend the playdates with her child. We have attended about 9 playdates this school year (children of diverse backgrounds), and we will be attending our 6th birthday party this Saturday. I am also hosting an end of the year party for DD's classmates at her school, and her classmates at her dance and martial arts class. I've never had a problem with any of the parents, and its obvious the feeling is mutual. Maybe the reason you are inquiring about the frequency and reasons for lack of playdates, is not because of your child, but your judgmental, know-it-all, attitude. Good luck on your future playdates....we will be at a party, and you can keep discussing why you are sitting in this house....

[Anonymous]

My child will come home and say can I have a playdate with so and so and I usually say let me talk to their mom. Most times I forget, so it's nothing personal.

[Anonymous]

I've got a 6 yo and 4 yo in school and a toddler at home. We do playdates every 2-4 weeks. The older child gets fewer b/c we've got homework and sports to deal with. I will say that yes, we do tend to have the same 3-4 kids over since that is who my child asks to have over. I do try and rotate among the group but I do discourage playdates with the high-maintenance kids. With other kids in the house adding a needy kid does nothing for me and creates a ton more work. So in my case it's less about the parents but a whole heck about the kids! And no, the parents have never come over as I've never felt the need to go to their house.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a lot of extreme views being expressed but the majority of people do have a sort of "get to know you" period where they understand who the family is. Our child goes to a private school in VA and there are a lot of parent interaction opportunities so I feel okay with the other families. The one area I am cautious about is nannies, because I only get to know them when I see the families at the park or out and about. I could imagine this is a challenge if you are going to a school where there is a big commute so you may not have the same "bump ins" after school. It doesn't mean I don't like nannies, in fact, some are better than the parents but I do want to make sure everything is as safe as I can have it. Also think there is a big difference between dropping off a 3-4 and young five than an older five and six, seven year old. At that age, child can operate a phone and can call if they are having a problem and yes I realize someone could kidnapp or do something but at some point you have to have a little faith because isolating your child can create a whole list of other problems.

[Anonymous]

So naive question - my DC will start at private K next year - but how do playdates work if both parents work? DC will be in the school's aftercare program. Does that mean DC will not be asked to playdates? Obviously we can't reciprocate on a weekday. Do playdates never happen on the weekends? (That's what we do now)

[Anonymous]

Someone may offer to take your child home on a weekday; you can reciprocate on a weekend, holiday, or professional day. Your child may not be in the high-playgroup-frequency group, but never mind; aftercare itself is basically a playdate.

[Anonymous]

"The ladies on this post are quite funny to me! I am one of the so-called weirdo parents that attend the playdates with her child. We have attended about 9 playdates this school year (children of diverse backgrounds), and we will be attending our 6th birthday party this Saturday. I am also hosting an end of the year party for DD's classmates at her school, and her classmates at her dance and martial arts class. I've never had a problem with any of the parents, and its obvious the feeling is mutual. Maybe the reason you are inquiring about the frequency and reasons for lack of playdates, is not because of your child, but your judgmental, know-it-all, attitude. Good luck on your future playdates....we will be at a party, and you can keep discussing why you are sitting in this house.... "

I am sure you are as wonderful in person as you are online, but I (the author of the post you didn't like) am not the OP (who wondered why she wasn't getting more playdates). I have no intention on commenting further on the "my kid is 6 but I'm staying for the playdate too thing"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ladies on this post are quite funny to me! I am one of the so-called weirdo parents that attend the playdates with her child. We have attended about 9 playdates this school year (children of diverse backgrounds), and we will be attending our 6th birthday party this Saturday. I am also hosting an end of the year party for DD's classmates at her school, and her classmates at her dance and martial arts class. I've never had a problem with any of the parents, and its obvious the feeling is mutual.

We've had a couple of playdates where the mother sat down and clearly had no intention of getting up. I sat down, too, and we had a nice chat, but I did have other things I was planning to do, and although I remain on good terms with these women and our daughters are good friends, I still think it was weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The ladies on this post are quite funny to me! I am one of the so-called weirdo parents that attend the playdates with her child. We have attended about 9 playdates this school year (children of diverse backgrounds), and we will be attending our 6th birthday party this Saturday. I am also hosting an end of the year party for DD's classmates at her school, and her classmates at her dance and martial arts class. I've never had a problem with any of the parents, and its obvious the feeling is mutual. Maybe the reason you are inquiring about the frequency and reasons for lack of playdates, is not because of your child, but your judgmental, know-it-all, attitude. Good luck on your future playdates....we will be at a party, and you can keep discussing why you are sitting in this house.... "

I am sure you are as wonderful in person as you are online, but I (the author of the post you didn't like) am not the OP (who wondered why she wasn't getting more playdates). I have no intention on commenting further on the "my kid is 6 but I'm staying for the playdate too thing"

FYI--My DD is 3, and the birthday party was wonderful! The kids and the parents had a great time.

[Anonymous]

7:30: aftercare in the early years can be a lot like a playdate. Our DCs attend aftercare infrequently, but I know some children who are in the regular program and they love, love, love it. I have hosted some kids for playdates who are in aftercare. Their parents pick them up at our house instead of at school. In the case of a few of them, I take them back to the school for pick-up because their parents have long commutes. I would not assume though that others would be willing to do that.

[Anonymous]

I've also hosted aftercare kids at my house. The parents have picked the kids up at my house. Also agree that there is usually a group of kids (moms) that do playdates constantly with each other.