Playdate frequency in private schools

[Anonymous]

DD is at a Big 3, and is 6. I have been surprised at how few playdates she is invited to. I am trying not to leap to the conclusion that she is unpopular (terrible word for such a young child!). I posted on this board regarding frequency because I know from friends that playdates at neighborhood schools are just so much easier. Much less driving around. So perhaps it skews the comparison a bit. In any case, if you have a young child at a DC private school, it would be great if you'd post how frequently he or she has playdates. This is a hard question to ask my peers because I don't them to know that I am concerned! But I may talk to her teachers sometime soon, and want to be armed with some basic information. FWIW, we live in an easy to reach neighborhood, about 15 minutes from school. So distance isn't the reason why she isn't getting invited very much. Neither is she a difficult child. She had a lot of invitations in preschool.

[Anonymous]

17:30, is this her first or second year at a Big 3? What is the composition of her class? Is your DD the oldest? What about her classmates? If they are the youngest, the family may be so swamped in afterschool activities that the parents/caregivers do not have time to arrange.

[Anonymous]

PP, its her second year in the school. I think playdates are happening because I hear about it at drop off etc. It is hard to tell how frequent they are though, and its tough to ask anyone.

[Anonymous]

I would just ask folks for playdates. I am usually better than I have been this year about setting them up -- it is has just been a cold hard winter. I promise if my child is in your child's class and you ask me, I will say yes. (and I also promise to start working on setting some up myself -- just not this week). Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Find out which kids your child likes and initiate a few playdates. Polite parents will usually reciprocate unless the children just don't get along at all. It has been my experience that parents tend to set up playdates with the parents they know well ... they just feel more comfortable for some reason. I guess everyone still fears rejection just a little bit. So if you can increase your presence at the school a little bit, that would also probably help. As for number of playdates, that really varies so much depending on so many things.

Is the lack of invites troubling your child? Or just you? I would check with the teachers just to make sure they feel she is doing okay socially.

[Anonymous]

My son is 6 and I've only done a few playdates this year. it's not that he doesn't like the other boys, but he's so tired at the end of the day. The longer day and the tougher academic expectations have just taken a lot more out of him, so we're holding off on other stuff.

[Anonymous]

I'd say our child has a playdate (our house or someone else's) about once every 4-6 weeks. Not too often. There are just a lot of other birthday parties and activities that eat up all the time.

[Anonymous]

Not very often at all but then again we are pretty busy doing family things on weekends, going to lessons/classe, and also just trying to get caught up from the week so sometimes I just don't think about setting them up in advance. I haven't found spontaneous playdates to happen at all amongst my daughter's friends for school. They are all planned well in advance and around lots of other activites.

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old is at a big 3 and has plenty of playdates (about one or two most weeks, about half of them initiated by me) and we know that she does have a lot of shyness and social awkwardness. I think, if playdates are important to you and your DD, perhaps you need to be more aggressive about asking her whom she'd like to have over, then inviting them. The only part that has been difficult for me is figuring out whether or not I need to be able to drive both ways before extending the offer. If I were comfortable offering only if the other parent could pick up at our house, it would be easier.

[Anonymous]

PP, this is OP. I suspect there are kids having 1-2 playdates per week too. DD has had pretty successful play dates with kids, has been invited back once or twice, and then the offers have dried up. I was pretty forward at the start of the year. But its awkward to keep inviting.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, the families who do lots of playdate invites, have nannies....not trying to flame, just an observation. We don't host alot because I have toddlers and no help and, well, ugh....

[Anonymous]

Not to veer too far away from the OP's thread, but what is the frequency of playdates once your children reached third grade in private school? The "playdate culture" does seem different from what we experienced in our local public school, but this may just be a combo of the kids having busier lives, the longer commutes to playdates, and simply being new to the school and needing to make more of an effort to reach out. Would love to hear others' observations. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

OP--do you host the playdates yourself? Maybe they dry up because you aren't hosting enough. I actually am a mom who plans all kinds of playdates and I think that has helped my DD. If you are a working mom and that afterschool playdates don't work for you to host..try setting stuff up on the weekend--you will find takers..believe me you will. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Be sure to do your fair share of the driving and hosting.

When you say DD "has been invited back a few times, but then the offers dried up," have you been reciprocating with playdates at your house? I can't tell but it sounds as though you're waiting for invites, which means that the playdates will be at the inviting family's house, not yours. Maybe you need to do more of your own inviting?

With the moms who expected me to chauffeur in both directions, I eventually stopped agreeing to playdates.

[Anonymous]

Little confused here: if my DC hosts the kids, doesn't the kid's parent/caregiver handle the transportation?