On NOT Waiting for Mr. Right-Single Women Having Babies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm another single mother by choice. It's a hard road, but one I chose and don't regret at all. Things get easier between the ages of 7 and 11 or so. But now that my daughter is a teen, I have never wished so much that there was another adult in the house to help make decisions and just to discuss the myriad difficult issues, from older boys to alcohol. These are way harder subjects than, say, potty training, to bring up with my circle of other moms."

There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

MY SAH SIL's ex has her kids from after school on Friday to Monday morning when he drops them at school. He also takes them for weeks at at time during school breaks. She has tons of free time and manages to live a very pleasant lifestyle on alimony and child support.

[Anonymous]

Still looking for Mr. Right but in the meantime, am a single mother by choice (sort of). It's not that hard but that's because I have a well-established career, bank account, house, etc. That makes a huge difference. Plenty of my married friends are essentially the sole caregiver so I wouldn't assume marriage makes it any easier. So if you can work it out, do it. If you can't, then don't.

[Anonymous]

Single mother by choice of twins at age 35 (sperm bank). It is hard work but worth it. I have supportive family and friends so that makes it easier. I have married friends who envy the fact that I don't have to consult a partner before making a decision. They also gripe about husbands who don't help and feel very much like a single parent. My rule is, if the thought of doing it alone scares you, DON'T have kids.

[Anonymous]

I am a single parent. The first was conceived in a bad marriage and we have since divorced. The second was completely on my own. I did it because I love being a mother, I could afford it, and was already 40. I knew I couldn't wait for Mr Right if I wanted another child and I wanted my kids to be fairly close in age AND I didn't want to be any older then I already am when I brought the 2nd child into the world. I hope I evenutally find Mr Right but I didn't have to wait!

[Anonymous]

And I ditto what some of the other posters have said. Some of my friends do as much work as I or more and they're married. I do have some friends where it seems to be a good partnership and that's what I hope I can achieve if I ever find Mr Right!

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the posts. I always thought if I didn't meet Mr. Right by a certain time I'd adopt or have a baby on my own. Thank goodness I met Mr. Right in my late 20s because our first child had autism and I cannot imagine raising this incredible kid on my own. Now that I know what parenting is all about I am grateful things worked out the way they did and I think to myself "what was I thinking in my single days?" I find parenting is hard enough with 2 people.

That said, I do think there are people who go into it with open eyes and find it manageable. I just think it is soooo important to have a support network and not just people who say they will babysit or what have you...people who really will be there. It takes a village and IMO even more of a village if you do it on your own.

[Anonymous]

I considered being a single mom when I was in my late 30s, and decided against it because I felt I didn't have the right temperament, support system, etc. I was also being very choosy about a potential spouse, and by the time I turned 40, had pretty much given up on being a mom through childbirth. At that time I was hoping to meet someone divorced with kids I could be a step-mom to. Then, in my mid-40s, I met my now-husband, and we decided to get married very quickly, partly in order to try to start a family. We went straight to a fertility clinic and miraculously, I got pregnant with my daughter on the first IUI. I now have a beautiful daughter and another on the way. I had no idea how I would totally love and embrace being a mom, and would never have wanted to miss out on this experience if I hadn't met the right person. I wish all blessings and good fortune to everyone who is hoping to be a mom. Some of moms who inspire me the most are single mothers by choice.

[Anonymous]

I waited. Hit 35 and decided I could wait to have kids until after I found Mr. Right. Found him, married, one baby - and still long for another. If I could do it all over again, I would have started having kids on my own. I love being a mom and it is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love DH, love our marriage, but being a mom is 50X better than that and something I almost missed. If you want it: don't miss it. Parenthood is more important to me than anything.

Totally agree w/ this. I am so grateful for my kid and parenthood. It kills me to see so many wonderful would-be parents on there who won't do it on their own. Remember that our foremothers didn't have the choices we do and a lot were 'single mothers' when men went off to work or war. We can do it. Being a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting thread. I was one who thought that I could easily have done it on my own, but I now realize that it would have been very hard.

Many teens who have one child out of wedlock have no more kids because of the difficulties and hard work at a young age.

I remember hearing that Angelina Jolie's brother said that she would not have been able to have more kids if she were single. The first child was very difficult alone, and she decided to adopt the second child only after Brad came along. That is surprising, she had money, nannies, and time, but the child still consumed her. With another person, she is able to have six.

[Anonymous]

I so agree with 21:47 posting.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that everyone is talking about how great it is for THEM but no one is hear to speak for children who are purposely being denied a father in their lives....

[Anonymous]

Agree with you 21:42. These people are selfish and it's all about their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that everyone is talking about how great it is for THEM but no one is hear to speak for children who are purposely being denied a father in their lives....

Sorry, I meant "here!"

[Anonymous]

I think it would be really difficult. My DS is strong-willed and completely hyperactive (although he is too young to have a formal ADHD diagnosis) and it really takes two of us to keep up with him. If my parents lived nearby and could help out some (e.g., if I got stuck at work one night etc.) it would be doable.