On NOT Waiting for Mr. Right-Single Women Having Babies

[Anonymous]

I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

[Anonymous]

22:43 How old is your child?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

This is the type of attitude that keeps many women in bad marriages, and leads many divorced single moms to quickly re-marry the closest warm body they can find. I have seen it happen time and again.
I, and most single moms by choice that I know, made this decision after having financial security and social support in place. And most of us lead calmer and less stressful lives than many of our married counterparts because we are not resentful or spending tiem dealing with a husband's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

This is the type of attitude that keeps many women in bad marriages, and leads many divorced single moms to quickly re-marry the closest warm body they can find. I have seen it happen time and again.
I, and most single moms by choice that I know, made this decision after having financial security and social support in place. And most of us lead calmer and less stressful lives than many of our married counterparts because we are not resentful or spending tiem dealing with a husband's needs.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

This is the type of attitude that keeps many women in bad marriages, and leads many divorced single moms to quickly re-marry the closest warm body they can find. I have seen it happen time and again.
I, and most single moms by choice that I know, made this decision after having financial security and social support in place. And most of us lead calmer and less stressful lives than many of our married counterparts because we are not resentful or spending tiem dealing with a husband's needs.

Or, conversely, it could also be the attitude that helps women choose suitable partners for healthy, long-lasting marriages.

If you go into a marriage knowing that you do not want to divorce after having children, you may approach choosing a mate differently. Perhaps it influences the qualities you look for in a mate. Perhaps it leads you to get premarital counseling, not because you're having issues then, but to begin working on/preventing issues that may arise later. Perhaps it leads you to have many serious talks about what both partners views on childrearing and parenthood are. Perhaps you and your mate will have a frank discussion on what you think are offenses worthy of divorce. Perhaps it means that you won't have kids within the first year or so of marrying, so that you can experience life together, to see what it's like to live together without kids in the mix, and to identify and address whatever issues arise.

[Anonymous]

10:27 I did that, and more, and we still divorced. Unplanned single motherhood is the worst. Planned single motherhood can work but practically speaking no matter what anyone tells you it is a marathon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

This is the type of attitude that keeps many women in bad marriages, and leads many divorced single moms to quickly re-marry the closest warm body they can find. I have seen it happen time and again.
I, and most single moms by choice that I know, made this decision after having financial security and social support in place. And most of us lead calmer and less stressful lives than many of our married counterparts because we are not resentful or spending tiem dealing with a husband's needs.

But this isn't answerng the question posed, which is would you have a baby as a single woman and not wait for Mr. Right, rather than would you divorce and become a single mom that way. Obviously there are times when single parenthood is necessary. I answered earlier that I would not choose to seek out parenthood as a single, never-married person. If something happens to my husband (divorce or death), then yeah, I would do what it takes. But that's not the question being asked.

[Anonymous]

OP should seek out single mothers.
OP: Children five and under get sick a lot. Can you deal with broken sleep, can you take time off from work to go to the doctor?
School: Can you afford private? Public schools are a mess.
And so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:27 I did that, and more, and we still divorced. Unplanned single motherhood is the worst. Planned single motherhood can work but practically speaking no matter what anyone tells you it is a marathon.

I am nosy, what was the reason? I know that things happen even with "perfect" planning, but I wonder what the issue was if you did so much to prevent it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

So what would you prefer that single women of a certain age do? Put their tail between their legs, cower alone in a corner, and accept their punishment for the sin of spinsterhood?

Not this girl.

[Anonymous]

Single fathers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

So what would you prefer that single women of a certain age do? Put their tail between their legs, cower alone in a corner, and accept their punishment for the sin of spinsterhood?

Not this girl.

It is not a punishment. This is entitlement gone wrong.
It is more of a punishment bringing a child into the world knowing that they will only have one parent.

[Anonymous]

Spinsterhood is looking pretty good to me right now. Joking. There is nothing wrong with not having kids. You can still have a full and fulfilling life w/o being a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

So what would you prefer that single women of a certain age do? Put their tail between their legs, cower alone in a corner, and accept their punishment for the sin of spinsterhood?

Not this girl.

It is not a punishment. This is entitlement gone wrong.
It is more of a punishment bringing a child into the world knowing that they will only have one parent.

I'm the PP. I adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to be a single mother and can't imagine doing it intentionally under any circumstances. There's a difference between making the most of a bad situation and choosing it.

So what would you prefer that single women of a certain age do? Put their tail between their legs, cower alone in a corner, and accept their punishment for the sin of spinsterhood?

Not this girl.

I actually do not consider divorce being a single mother intentionally. No one wants that but it just happens. I have no preferences about what you or any single woman of a certain age should do. I just know that beginning motherhood without a partner is not something I could ever consider.