College housing and autistic child

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a great idea for him to room with another kid on the spectrum. This should be done more often!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

He was admitted to a few colleges and loved this one. We are confident that he’d do well academically, with supports, but housing or the ability to stay off campus is also needed for him to be successful.

He was also admitted to Ursinus and we turned the spot down. I’m thinking I’ll reach back out to their admissions to see if they allow off campus housing.

It’s so frustrating. We asked the right questions but didn’t ask the right people, I guess.

My DD has level 1 autism. I was torn about whether it would be better for her to have a roommate (socialization!) or to have the sensory space. She opted to apply for the single. Her college also wouldn't commit in advance. Her psychiatrist seemed familiar with the process, and he wrote a detailed explanation of her needs, and we sent in her neuropsych evaluation. They accepted her request but it didn't feel like a sure thing along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a great idea for him to room with another kid on the spectrum. This should be done more often!

Do you have a child on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is F&M I think they will be able to do a single but you might need to be clearer about the need. There are autistic kids there doing fine with roommates, so I would send a detailed letter from his psychiatrist/psychologist about exactly why his needs make it impossible.

+1 We were so worried about our level 1 ASD kid adjusting to dorm life but agreed he should try it. He was assigned a roommate--completely his opposite, neurotypical and extroverted--and they became close friends. They are too different to continue living together but it was a peaceful enough year and they will remain friends (text almost daily). DC lucked out and got a single next year, but valuable lessons were learned and growth was had. We spent a lot of time preparing him for the reality of roommate life, especially clear, polite communication, trying to understand where the other person might be coming from, and not making things a big deal unnecessarily. We do think setting expectations helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go to the level of hiring a lawyer, but I'd do another letter or two and copy like everyone under the sun (president, head of disability services, admissions person you spoke to plus head of admissions, head of housing) and explain that this is JUST NOT POSSIBLE (and specifically why). Explain that if you cannot get the single or a waiver for the on-campus requirement, you will need to defer and explore other options, and will be looking for them to refund the deposit as well as potentially cover other costs since you accepted this offer "in reliance" upon their representation that they could accommodate the needs with a single, and you would not have accepted their offer if you had been accurately informed that the college could not accommodate this medical need. (Use the term "in reliance upon" -- that's a legal term relating to material misrepresentations.)

If you don't care about the money, you could absolutely just rent an apartment. Have the kid show up to the dorm for orientation, and then they can sleep wherever they want. No one is policing where college kids are sleeping. Many of them are sleeping at their BF or GFs, or just plain sleeping around. But of course then you are paying for two types of housing, which isn't ideal but might be better than a gap year for your kid's future development (and cheaper than hiring a lawyer).

My kid is sort of on the spectrum (varying diagnoses) and had a roommate freshman year. We were hoping it would be good socialization -- didn't really work out and they basically never spoke. I suspect my kid irritated the roommate or vice versa. My kid kept headphones on almost always (including to sleep) and spent most days in the library/lab so rarely saw roommate. Roommate, who was extroverted and bubbly, was also rarely home. The food issues for the dining halls were the bigger challenge -- really did not eat enough or well enough and we spent a lot of extra money on groceries even though paying for a useless to us full meal plan. By sophomore year, easy enough to get a single.

[Anonymous]

Do you think he will be able to cope with the dining hall? The need for a kitchen would probably get your waiver approved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

Worst case scenario could be significant conflict and him ruining someone else’s freshman year too. Granted, it’s been two years and it was family but his cousin’s smell was enough for him to insist he leave the hotel room immediately on vacation.

I assume most students who request singles are in the “zone” of just needing extra space to decompress or quiet. My son’s needs are significantly more but we were hopeful. I think he’ll be fine with academics and the new routine but this is just non-negotiable.

We are fine with him going back to the community college or finding a college without the housing requirement. I don’t know whether to push for a waiver to the off campus policy or whether that is worse than just moving on altogether.

this is not the worst scenario. You probably didn’t different types of autistic kids. Some never fight. They may quietly kill themselves in front of something that you think is small. Just an example. It could be much worse case by case. If the parents don’t think he can handle it, the school really should be able to help. What is their disable office doing?

Cool. He could kill himself in a single too, and bleed out while no one notices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

Worst case scenario could be significant conflict and him ruining someone else’s freshman year too. Granted, it’s been two years and it was family but his cousin’s smell was enough for him to insist he leave the hotel room immediately on vacation.

I assume most students who request singles are in the “zone” of just needing extra space to decompress or quiet. My son’s needs are significantly more but we were hopeful. I think he’ll be fine with academics and the new routine but this is just non-negotiable.

We are fine with him going back to the community college or finding a college without the housing requirement. I don’t know whether to push for a waiver to the off campus policy or whether that is worse than just moving on altogether.

this is not the worst scenario. You probably didn’t different types of autistic kids. Some never fight. They may quietly kill themselves in front of something that you think is small. Just an example. It could be much worse case by case. If the parents don’t think he can handle it, the school really should be able to help. What is their disable office doing?

Cool. He could kill himself in a single too, and bleed out while no one notices.

Any child could have self harm issues. It’s not nice of you to sort of mock the worry that parents of kids who are autistic or have social anxiety feel — you don’t think these parents worry every day that something will happen to their child and due to the social impairment no one will be there to help them or notice they are gone? It’s absolutely one of the worst parts of parenting a child like this.

But what OP is saying is that cohabitation will significantly increase her child’s stress level, which could then greatly increase the risk of self harm. So that’s different and it sounds like greater than the risk of harm due to an isolated living arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to insist some more, OP.

My son at George Washington had no problem getting a single room due to his autism, ie, sky high social anxiety and need to stim in private (which for him means walk about his room). The Disability Office checks in with the Housing Office every semester so he gets a private room.

The fact your son's college suggested two autistic people share a room means they understand NOTHING about autism. If your son needs other accommodations, like extended time, or quiet testing locations, be warned that they might be equally difficult to obtain if the college is being so backward about it.

Does this place have a Disability Office? You need to call and email yourself (not your son) and insist they need to get involved. Show them the documentation again, and say that these are standard accommodations. You're not asking for the moon, here!

I have the same opinion. If they offered to match him with a neurodivergent person with “a similar profile”, they know nothing about autism. I told my son that I would help him craft an email in return. My son paces as his stim and it will drive someone else crazy before he even notices it.

We had an online meeting with the disability office and submitted all of the required paperwork. It seems like they have a large high functioning autistic population. I wouldn’t put my son in that category. He’s more level 2 than level 1 and needs more than a quiet spot to cope at the end of a day. We explained all of this. It seems like they have housing limitations which mean that the college isn’t a good fit for my son.

I’m disappointed and know we have to start emailing and calling. I think he’d do best with off campus housing but I’m frustrated that we asked about housing and were misled.

Anyone have a single dorm room at Ursinus, Millersville or Mary Washington? He was admitted to all 3 of those colleges too.


I can’t believe we are back in this situation again.

Y son has a medical single for autism at Mary Washington and is thriving. To get the single, it was more than just needing a place to decompress as his needs are higher than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

Yes, GNU gave my autistic daughter a single. OP, you need to escalate the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is F&M I think they will be able to do a single but you might need to be clearer about the need. There are autistic kids there doing fine with roommates, so I would send a detailed letter from his psychiatrist/psychologist about exactly why his needs make it impossible.

+1 We were so worried about our level 1 ASD kid adjusting to dorm life but agreed he should try it. He was assigned a roommate--completely his opposite, neurotypical and extroverted--and they became close friends. They are too different to continue living together but it was a peaceful enough year and they will remain friends (text almost daily). DC lucked out and got a single next year, but valuable lessons were learned and growth was had. We spent a lot of time preparing him for the reality of roommate life, especially clear, polite communication, trying to understand where the other person might be coming from, and not making things a big deal unnecessarily. We do think setting expectations helped a lot.

By the way his stim is also pacing, but the dorm rooms are too small to pace and the larger common room was full of tables. He found solitary spots on campus to study and pace. I think the imconvenience of that resulted in a bit less pacing over time (just a bit).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to a SLAC near Lancaster. He’s autistic but capable academically with supports. The college has a requirement for students to live on campus for 4 years unless they live within 30 mins of campus. We asked about single room accommodations since my son has never been able to share a room because of sensory issues. We were told to apply in march but it “shouldn’t be a problem.”

Well, it’s a problem. They sent an email that maybe he would like the email of another neurodivergent student to share a room with (uh, two autistic people in the same room seems worse than him sharing with a random person)…and they have told us that we can’t rent him an apt within 30 mins of campus but he has to live with family within 30 mins.

They have limited singles and he won’t know until July if he’s granted one but all signs are pointing to no right now.

Do we withdraw him or push for a waiver to live off campus? If we have to have him in a dorm, would there be a requirement for him to be there overnight? As in, he rents a room elsewhere anyway?

We may just defer and then regroup because he really cannot live in a dorm room with another person. We’ve tried camp, siblings sharing rooms, vacations with cousins - it doesn’t work. His psychiatrist wrote a note, we had an interview, his teacher wrote a note.

I assume they don’t have enough housing but they also require them to live on campus. It doesn’t make sense.

I know there is an influx of people requesting singles. He loved this college. I don’t see him being successful there. He is asking to try and get a waiver to live off campus, but my gut says defer and regroup.

Anyone have this happen before? After years of fighting our school system for his IEP, etc, I just don’t have the fight in me to fight the school for a single. If they don’t have space, fine, but what’s next.

Reach out to the school’s disability office and see how they handle the issue. If the school doesn’t have a dedicated disability office, regroup. If they do have a dedicated disability office and are the ones that suggested to autistic people sharing a room, regroup.

If the disability office cannot provide existing accommodations from current IEP, regroup.

Some schools support neurodivergent students well other leave them to their own devices.

[Anonymous]

Some ND kids can better adjust to sharing space as they get older (mine did), but I understand based on past experience you feel there's no possibility for success here. I think living off-campus would be too challenging for a ND kid already dealing with that much change already. So I agree with PP to reach out to the disability office. If no help, then I vote defer, with a very clear explanation why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to insist some more, OP.

My son at George Washington had no problem getting a single room due to his autism, ie, sky high social anxiety and need to stim in private (which for him means walk about his room). The Disability Office checks in with the Housing Office every semester so he gets a private room.

The fact your son's college suggested two autistic people share a room means they understand NOTHING about autism. If your son needs other accommodations, like extended time, or quiet testing locations, be warned that they might be equally difficult to obtain if the college is being so backward about it.

Does this place have a Disability Office? You need to call and email yourself (not your son) and insist they need to get involved. Show them the documentation again, and say that these are standard accommodations. You're not asking for the moon, here!

I have the same opinion. If they offered to match him with a neurodivergent person with “a similar profile”, they know nothing about autism. I told my son that I would help him craft an email in return. My son paces as his stim and it will drive someone else crazy before he even notices it.

We had an online meeting with the disability office and submitted all of the required paperwork. It seems like they have a large high functioning autistic population. I wouldn’t put my son in that category. He’s more level 2 than level 1 and needs more than a quiet spot to cope at the end of a day. We explained all of this. It seems like they have housing limitations which mean that the college isn’t a good fit for my son.

I’m disappointed and know we have to start emailing and calling. I think he’d do best with off campus housing but I’m frustrated that we asked about housing and were misled.

Anyone have a single dorm room at Ursinus, Millersville or Mary Washington? He was admitted to all 3 of those colleges too.


I can’t believe we are back in this situation again.

Y son has a medical single for autism at Mary Washington and is thriving. To get the single, it was more than just needing a place to decompress as his needs are higher than that.

What were his higher needs, out of curiosity? We also have an autistic teen interested in Mary Washington. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

My autistic kid actually wanted to try living with a roommate. We were worried but it worked out great (the roommate was randomly assigned).

That being said, if your child needs a single, I would keep pushing hard. From what I know, it needs to be documented as a real medical need with supporting documentation.