College housing and autistic child

[Anonymous]

My son was admitted to a SLAC near Lancaster. He’s autistic but capable academically with supports. The college has a requirement for students to live on campus for 4 years unless they live within 30 mins of campus. We asked about single room accommodations since my son has never been able to share a room because of sensory issues. We were told to apply in march but it “shouldn’t be a problem.”

Well, it’s a problem. They sent an email that maybe he would like the email of another neurodivergent student to share a room with (uh, two autistic people in the same room seems worse than him sharing with a random person)…and they have told us that we can’t rent him an apt within 30 mins of campus but he has to live with family within 30 mins.

They have limited singles and he won’t know until July if he’s granted one but all signs are pointing to no right now.

Do we withdraw him or push for a waiver to live off campus? If we have to have him in a dorm, would there be a requirement for him to be there overnight? As in, he rents a room elsewhere anyway?

We may just defer and then regroup because he really cannot live in a dorm room with another person. We’ve tried camp, siblings sharing rooms, vacations with cousins - it doesn’t work. His psychiatrist wrote a note, we had an interview, his teacher wrote a note.

I assume they don’t have enough housing but they also require them to live on campus. It doesn’t make sense.

I know there is an influx of people requesting singles. He loved this college. I don’t see him being successful there. He is asking to try and get a waiver to live off campus, but my gut says defer and regroup.

Anyone have this happen before? After years of fighting our school system for his IEP, etc, I just don’t have the fight in me to fight the school for a single. If they don’t have space, fine, but what’s next.

[Anonymous]

I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

Worst case scenario could be significant conflict and him ruining someone else’s freshman year too. Granted, it’s been two years and it was family but his cousin’s smell was enough for him to insist he leave the hotel room immediately on vacation.

I assume most students who request singles are in the “zone” of just needing extra space to decompress or quiet. My son’s needs are significantly more but we were hopeful. I think he’ll be fine with academics and the new routine but this is just non-negotiable.

We are fine with him going back to the community college or finding a college without the housing requirement. I don’t know whether to push for a waiver to the off campus policy or whether that is worse than just moving on altogether.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you got one story from admissions (“shouldn’t be a problem”) and are now hearing something different from housing. Can you reach back out to the person you talked to in admissions? At the very least, when you withdraw, admissions will understand that their decision to promise what they couldn’t deliver is the root of the problem, and that might help someone else in the future.

[Anonymous]

I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

He was admitted to a few colleges and loved this one. We are confident that he’d do well academically, with supports, but housing or the ability to stay off campus is also needed for him to be successful.

He was also admitted to Ursinus and we turned the spot down. I’m thinking I’ll reach back out to their admissions to see if they allow off campus housing.

It’s so frustrating. We asked the right questions but didn’t ask the right people, I guess.

[Anonymous]

As long as you're paying for his room in a dorm, I doubt they'd micro-manage his actually sleeping there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're paying for his room in a dorm, I doubt they'd micro-manage his actually sleeping there.

+1
I’d also push for the off campus housing

[Anonymous]

You need to insist some more, OP.

My son at George Washington had no problem getting a single room due to his autism, ie, sky high social anxiety and need to stim in private (which for him means walk about his room). The Disability Office checks in with the Housing Office every semester so he gets a private room.

The fact your son's college suggested two autistic people share a room means they understand NOTHING about autism. If your son needs other accommodations, like extended time, or quiet testing locations, be warned that they might be equally difficult to obtain if the college is being so backward about it.

Does this place have a Disability Office? You need to call and email yourself (not your son) and insist they need to get involved. Show them the documentation again, and say that these are standard accommodations. You're not asking for the moon, here!

[Anonymous]

No experience with this but could you consult with a special needs lawyer? If the school made certain promises and knew about your DC's needs, it sounds like they should deliver and may legally need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to insist some more, OP.

My son at George Washington had no problem getting a single room due to his autism, ie, sky high social anxiety and need to stim in private (which for him means walk about his room). The Disability Office checks in with the Housing Office every semester so he gets a private room.

The fact your son's college suggested two autistic people share a room means they understand NOTHING about autism. If your son needs other accommodations, like extended time, or quiet testing locations, be warned that they might be equally difficult to obtain if the college is being so backward about it.

Does this place have a Disability Office? You need to call and email yourself (not your son) and insist they need to get involved. Show them the documentation again, and say that these are standard accommodations. You're not asking for the moon, here!

I have the same opinion. If they offered to match him with a neurodivergent person with “a similar profile”, they know nothing about autism. I told my son that I would help him craft an email in return. My son paces as his stim and it will drive someone else crazy before he even notices it.

We had an online meeting with the disability office and submitted all of the required paperwork. It seems like they have a large high functioning autistic population. I wouldn’t put my son in that category. He’s more level 2 than level 1 and needs more than a quiet spot to cope at the end of a day. We explained all of this. It seems like they have housing limitations which mean that the college isn’t a good fit for my son.

I’m disappointed and know we have to start emailing and calling. I think he’d do best with off campus housing but I’m frustrated that we asked about housing and were misled.

Anyone have a single dorm room at Ursinus, Millersville or Mary Washington? He was admitted to all 3 of those colleges too.


I can’t believe we are back in this situation again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

He was admitted to a few colleges and loved this one. We are confident that he’d do well academically, with supports, but housing or the ability to stay off campus is also needed for him to be successful.

He was also admitted to Ursinus and we turned the spot down. I’m thinking I’ll reach back out to their admissions to see if they allow off campus housing.

It’s so frustrating. We asked the right questions but didn’t ask the right people, I guess.

Find the fight. If you were promised something and your kid was counting on it, this is serious business. Matriculation plans are critical.

I would go up the chain. Sometimes deans and administrators are more chill than little people who have no authority.

Also, I had a bad freshman roommate. So I feel for people who are forced into awkward circumstances on all sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No experience with this but could you consult with a special needs lawyer? If the school made certain promises and knew about your DC's needs, it sounds like they should deliver and may legally need to.

I’m literally out of fight after 9 years of non-public placement and fighting the county to keep following his IEP. We need a college who can deliver on promises without us needing to fight.

We will rent an apartment for him. We aren’t asking for them to accommodate his needs if they don’t have the room. We need them to allow him to live off campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

He was admitted to a few colleges and loved this one. We are confident that he’d do well academically, with supports, but housing or the ability to stay off campus is also needed for him to be successful.

He was also admitted to Ursinus and we turned the spot down. I’m thinking I’ll reach back out to their admissions to see if they allow off campus housing.

It’s so frustrating. We asked the right questions but didn’t ask the right people, I guess.

Find the fight. If you were promised something and your kid was counting on it, this is serious business. Matriculation plans are critical.

I would go up the chain. Sometimes deans and administrators are more chill than little people who have no authority.

Also, I had a bad freshman roommate. So I feel for people who are forced into awkward circumstances on all sides.

Yes! I can’t, in good faith, put my son in a dorm room knowing he is going to be inflexible, annoyed and pacing when someone triggers his sensory issues. It’s not fair to my son but it’s equally or even more unfair to some unsuspecting student who gets matched with him.

If they place someone else who is inflexible and stims too - good lord - that would be a nightmare for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you got one story from admissions (“shouldn’t be a problem”) and are now hearing something different from housing. Can you reach back out to the person you talked to in admissions? At the very least, when you withdraw, admissions will understand that their decision to promise what they couldn’t deliver is the root of the problem, and that might help someone else in the future.

This is what I am thinking. I am really sorry for the stress.