College housing and autistic child

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. My autistic child thought they were going to want and need a single and we have been planning for that (also at a college in PA) for years, getting all of our documentation in order solely for this purpose.

Well, it turns out that my high masking child wanted a roommate. It was very hard for us as parents to get on board with this knowing that our child needs decompression time. But, my child and the roommate (whom they met on Instagram) hit it off and asked each other the important questions about living together. I'm still very scared about how this will go. If the roommate has friends over and they are sitting on my child's bed, it may not go over so well.

If our college denied us the single and we had in the end asked for it, it would have been a dealbreaker just 6-8 months ago. Can you have your psychiatrist write a more strongly worded letter in an appeal and have them focus on the dysregulation that will ensue if your child can't stim/unmask/decompress? (Also, what if the roommate asks your child to change something about how they conduct themselves? Lay it out for them how it will go down.)

[Anonymous]

If he can’t live with another person then do not have him live with another person. If he wants to have the dorm experience, find a college that will allow a single. If this isn’t possible there then defer and regroup. If you’re full pay and this is a mid tier SLAC they’ll figure it out as they need your enrollment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he can’t live with another person then do not have him live with another person. If he wants to have the dorm experience, find a college that will allow a single. If this isn’t possible there then defer and regroup. If you’re full pay and this is a mid tier SLAC they’ll figure it out as they need your enrollment.

We are full pay other than merit aid. I wrote up an email which basically said the same. We need a waiver for off campus housing or a single.

I have a suggestion for SLACs that want to survive the enrollment decline: all single rooms. It’s a generation of students who don’t even share with siblings but if we are competing over singles in the accommodations hunger games and losing, who are these rooms going to?

[Anonymous]

I know this would be very pricey, however, if it is in your budget I would consider renting an apartment AND paying for the dorm as a last resort. He would have a safe place to go and fulfill the housing requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this would be very pricey, however, if it is in your budget I would consider renting an apartment AND paying for the dorm as a last resort. He would have a safe place to go and fulfill the housing requirement.

But this is so unfair to the OP, even if they could comfortably afford both.

Perhaps your son could purchase a meal plan and eat (part of) his meals in the dorm so as to mingle with other freshmen?

[Anonymous]

As others have suggested, I would reach back out to admissions, let them know what's happening, and let them know that your son will have to withdraw if he cannot get a single room. If they want to keep him, they may be able to make it happen. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like this college is not set up to handle kids with the needs that your son has.

[Anonymous]

"autism" is pretty non-specific. It's a spectrum disorder
My autistic kid has no problem with roommates but has other issues.

What are the specific issues? Have you told the school about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have suggested, I would reach back out to admissions, let them know what's happening, and let them know that your son will have to withdraw if he cannot get a single room. If they want to keep him, they may be able to make it happen. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Why would they "want to keep him"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this would be very pricey, however, if it is in your budget I would consider renting an apartment AND paying for the dorm as a last resort. He would have a safe place to go and fulfill the housing requirement.

This makes absolutely no sense and would benefit no one. What is the kid going to do with an off-campus apartment of his own to maintain? Do you think the school wouldn't notice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

He was admitted to a few colleges and loved this one. We are confident that he’d do well academically, with supports, but housing or the ability to stay off campus is also needed for him to be successful.

He was also admitted to Ursinus and we turned the spot down. I’m thinking I’ll reach back out to their admissions to see if they allow off campus housing.

It’s so frustrating. We asked the right questions but didn’t ask the right people, I guess.

Find the fight. If you were promised something and your kid was counting on it, this is serious business. Matriculation plans are critical.

I would go up the chain. Sometimes deans and administrators are more chill than little people who have no authority.

Also, I had a bad freshman roommate. So I feel for people who are forced into awkward circumstances on all sides.

I disagree with this. If the college doesn't get this, there will likely be more problems down the line. Find a place that's more supportive where you won't have to fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you're paying for his room in a dorm, I doubt they'd micro-manage his actually sleeping there.

Double housing might be too expensive for most families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he can’t live with another person then do not have him live with another person. If he wants to have the dorm experience, find a college that will allow a single. If this isn’t possible there then defer and regroup. If you’re full pay and this is a mid tier SLAC they’ll figure it out as they need your enrollment.

We are full pay other than merit aid. I wrote up an email which basically said the same. We need a waiver for off campus housing or a single.

I have a suggestion for SLACs that want to survive the enrollment decline: all single rooms. It’s a generation of students who don’t even share with siblings but if we are competing over singles in the accommodations hunger games and losing, who are these rooms going to?

It's a space issue, they don't have enough single rooms. They would have to build a lot of new dorms to have all singles. IMHO, the best setup is single bedrooms with a shared living room. That's still social but with a private space too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have suggested, I would reach back out to admissions, let them know what's happening, and let them know that your son will have to withdraw if he cannot get a single room. If they want to keep him, they may be able to make it happen. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Why would they "want to keep him"?

OP's kid is full pay and is willing to live on campus (maybe they could get him back on for sophomore year). It is ridiculous that they won't sign a waiver to let him live off campus, IMO. OP, I would reach out to the disability office, the counseling center, and the President's office.

[Anonymous]

From your post I can't tell if the college is being unreasonable/unsupportive, or if you didn't do a good enough job with the application for disability accommodations. So I have 2 suggestions:

1) name the college so others can give you their experiences with disability support there - good or bad. if you don't get it on this post, start a new one with that in the title.
2) contact a disability lawyer for help with the appeal