College housing and autistic child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

Worst case scenario could be significant conflict and him ruining someone else’s freshman year too. Granted, it’s been two years and it was family but his cousin’s smell was enough for him to insist he leave the hotel room immediately on vacation.

I assume most students who request singles are in the “zone” of just needing extra space to decompress or quiet. My son’s needs are significantly more but we were hopeful. I think he’ll be fine with academics and the new routine but this is just non-negotiable.

We are fine with him going back to the community college or finding a college without the housing requirement. I don’t know whether to push for a waiver to the off campus policy or whether that is worse than just moving on altogether.

this is not the worst scenario. You probably didn’t different types of autistic kids. Some never fight. They may quietly kill themselves in front of something that you think is small. Just an example. It could be much worse case by case. If the parents don’t think he can handle it, the school really should be able to help. What is their disable office doing?

[Anonymous]

Also. Consider letting your kid fail sometimes. He might be capable of more than you're allowing him to achieve. He will learn a lot from trying to share space with someone, even if it's ultimately unsuccessful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also. Consider letting your kid fail sometimes. He might be capable of more than you're allowing him to achieve. He will learn a lot from trying to share space with someone, even if it's ultimately unsuccessful.

terrible advice for a kid with autism. don't set him up to fail.

[Anonymous]

Is it F&M? My son with ASD is there and had two good randomly assigned roommates his first two years—I was scared but it worked. Now in a single as an accommodation- very easy to get as an upperclassman. It might go better than you think, and if it doesn’t I’m sure they’ll figure something out.
Everyone and their brother asks for a single now, so schools are reluctant to grant it freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

Worst case scenario could be significant conflict and him ruining someone else’s freshman year too. Granted, it’s been two years and it was family but his cousin’s smell was enough for him to insist he leave the hotel room immediately on vacation.

I assume most students who request singles are in the “zone” of just needing extra space to decompress or quiet. My son’s needs are significantly more but we were hopeful. I think he’ll be fine with academics and the new routine but this is just non-negotiable.

We are fine with him going back to the community college or finding a college without the housing requirement. I don’t know whether to push for a waiver to the off campus policy or whether that is worse than just moving on altogether.

Personally I would not want my kid off campus especially first year. Is he really able to live without any support/supervision, cook meals, go to grocery store, etc? without any support? My kid with a disability would not be ready for any of that, so we only looked at schools with on campus housing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

Worst case scenario could be significant conflict and him ruining someone else’s freshman year too. Granted, it’s been two years and it was family but his cousin’s smell was enough for him to insist he leave the hotel room immediately on vacation.

I assume most students who request singles are in the “zone” of just needing extra space to decompress or quiet. My son’s needs are significantly more but we were hopeful. I think he’ll be fine with academics and the new routine but this is just non-negotiable.

We are fine with him going back to the community college or finding a college without the housing requirement. I don’t know whether to push for a waiver to the off campus policy or whether that is worse than just moving on altogether.

Personally I would not want my kid off campus especially first year. Is he really able to live without any support/supervision, cook meals, go to grocery store, etc? without any support? My kid with a disability would not be ready for any of that, so we only looked at schools with on campus housing.

Can he live with a host family? It’s actually less expensive than living in the dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have him try. Help him identify people he can go to to help resolve roommate disagreements and quiet places he can go to decompress. Best case, it's successful (which doesn't have to mean that they are friends). Worst case, he has evidence of need and can go back to disability services.

-Parent of autistic college student

Worst case scenario could be significant conflict and him ruining someone else’s freshman year too. Granted, it’s been two years and it was family but his cousin’s smell was enough for him to insist he leave the hotel room immediately on vacation.

I assume most students who request singles are in the “zone” of just needing extra space to decompress or quiet. My son’s needs are significantly more but we were hopeful. I think he’ll be fine with academics and the new routine but this is just non-negotiable.

We are fine with him going back to the community college or finding a college without the housing requirement. I don’t know whether to push for a waiver to the off campus policy or whether that is worse than just moving on altogether.

Personally I would not want my kid off campus especially first year. Is he really able to live without any support/supervision, cook meals, go to grocery store, etc? without any support? My kid with a disability would not be ready for any of that, so we only looked at schools with on campus housing.

Can he live with a host family? It’s actually less expensive than living in the dorm.

Especially a family with kid(s) attending the same college previously or currently.

[Anonymous]

If it is F&M I think they will be able to do a single but you might need to be clearer about the need. There are autistic kids there doing fine with roommates, so I would send a detailed letter from his psychiatrist/psychologist about exactly why his needs make it impossible.

[Anonymous]

Can you just lease an apartment in your name and say he lives with family? Highly doubt they will check, and you'll have a place to crash when you visit.

[Anonymous]

Two things—if he truly can’t share a room for sensory reasons it’s unlikely dorm living will be very comfortable for him even in a single. It’s loud, bathrooms are shared, fire alarms go off, and there are many sensory stresses.

Two- I have known kids to get off campus housing waivers even for schools that don’t permit off campus housing. Worth a try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

He was admitted to a few colleges and loved this one. We are confident that he’d do well academically, with supports, but housing or the ability to stay off campus is also needed for him to be successful.

He was also admitted to Ursinus and we turned the spot down. I’m thinking I’ll reach back out to their admissions to see if they allow off campus housing.

It’s so frustrating. We asked the right questions but didn’t ask the right people, I guess.

Find the fight. If you were promised something and your kid was counting on it, this is serious business. Matriculation plans are critical.

I would go up the chain. Sometimes deans and administrators are more chill than little people who have no authority.

Also, I had a bad freshman roommate. So I feel for people who are forced into awkward circumstances on all sides.

I disagree with this. If the college doesn't get this, there will likely be more problems down the line. Find a place that's more supportive where you won't have to fight.

+1. My kid’s school is not that neurodivergent friendly and it has been hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No experience with this but could you consult with a special needs lawyer? If the school made certain promises and knew about your DC's needs, it sounds like they should deliver and may legally need to.

I’m literally out of fight after 9 years of non-public placement and fighting the county to keep following his IEP. We need a college who can deliver on promises without us needing to fight.

We will rent an apartment for him. We aren’t asking for them to accommodate his needs if they don’t have the room. We need them to allow him to live off campus.

I’m really sorry you are in this situation but “shouldn’t be a problem” isn’t a promise. However I think it’s likely the off campus waiver will be granted.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read all the comments yet, so apologies if this is repetitive.

OP, I know you said you feel like you have no fight left, but this is worth fighting for. You say your son loves this school and you think he could be academically successful there.

Talk again to the disability services office about a guaranteed single. Push hard. If the single doesn’t come through, push again to revisit. It sounds like money isn’t an object, so if all else fails, yes, rent him a room off campus while paying for a dorm room. But in that situation, at least have him try living in the dorm as much as possible, knowing he can bail out if needed. Maybe he tries to stay in the dorm 5 nights and off campus for 2, or 4/3.

You could defer and tell them why and ask again for priority housing accommodations in a single next year. Deferment isn’t withdrawing.

[Anonymous]

Another way to approach this is via food. If sensory issues prevent eating in the cafeteria (which is the case for many kids) then off campus housing is justified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to insist some more, OP.

My son at George Washington had no problem getting a single room due to his autism, ie, sky high social anxiety and need to stim in private (which for him means walk about his room). The Disability Office checks in with the Housing Office every semester so he gets a private room.

The fact your son's college suggested two autistic people share a room means they understand NOTHING about autism. If your son needs other accommodations, like extended time, or quiet testing locations, be warned that they might be equally difficult to obtain if the college is being so backward about it.

Does this place have a Disability Office? You need to call and email yourself (not your son) and insist they need to get involved. Show them the documentation again, and say that these are standard accommodations. You're not asking for the moon, here!

I have the same opinion. If they offered to match him with a neurodivergent person with “a similar profile”, they know nothing about autism. I told my son that I would help him craft an email in return. My son paces as his stim and it will drive someone else crazy before he even notices it.

We had an online meeting with the disability office and submitted all of the required paperwork. It seems like they have a large high functioning autistic population. I wouldn’t put my son in that category. He’s more level 2 than level 1 and needs more than a quiet spot to cope at the end of a day. We explained all of this. It seems like they have housing limitations which mean that the college isn’t a good fit for my son.

I’m disappointed and know we have to start emailing and calling. I think he’d do best with off campus housing but I’m frustrated that we asked about housing and were misled.

Anyone have a single dorm room at Ursinus, Millersville or Mary Washington? He was admitted to all 3 of those colleges too.


I can’t believe we are back in this situation again.

Ursinus has many ND kids and declining enrollment - I suspect single rooms are available. If this is F&M I have strong doubts the situation will work regardless of the single room. It’s demanding with a relatively high percentage of extremely academic, highly motivated and independent international students. Then a lot of sporty private school kids. I think the ASD kids who do well there are extremely high functioning. If he’s super academic with good EF, maybe, but I would not call it tremendously supportive.