How do you respond to open racism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A fellow mom who I am friendly with said an openly racist and offensive thing to me today. I told her it was offensive and walked away. She later sent an apology over text. But I’m still livid. I haven’t responded. Should I? I really want to tell her to go to hell and to stay away from my family, but it’s someone I see frequently unfortunately. I guess I know her true colors now.

Would love to hear others opinions on how you would respond in a similar situation.

Like what? You don't look Latina is pretty different than I don't associate with black people.

“Latina” is highly offensive. Do better.

The correct term is Latinx.

Allying is just used by white people. Latinos generally don’t like it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Accept the apology and keep your distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

So it wasn’t about your spouse or directed at your spouse.

Do you know her ethnic background? Would it make a difference if a Mexican had made the comment?

Here’s the thing: most of us can imagine what kind of work she was referring to. And the joke isn’t that it was shoddy work. Rather, it’s a certain aesthetic or outdoor feature perhaps using certain materials, right?

My friends and family circle is super-duper diverse and includes a lot of very specific ethnicities. I find they joke around about themselves and others very openly—particularly when it comes to confirming stereotypes or obscure things a certain group does. I don’t see this as confirmation of “racism” the way you seem to. After all, jokes are just jokes. It’s very different than confronting someone with a racial slur in anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

I think you responded well. I think she is flustered that she was called out and trying to pretend it was no big deal, but the fact that you called her out is bothering her. I would consider that a mission accomplished.

If you understandably don't want to be her friend, don't. I wouldn't avoid her just out of principle (shunning people doesn't change minds) but you are totally within your rights to keep your distance.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

as an Indian person, I can say that every community can be blatantly racist even as we are the butt of many racist jokes. And don’t get me started on castism, which can be really ugly. when my elderly aunt said something racist about black people, i called her on it and said she could not say those racist things in front of me or my family. i told her it was dead wrong to repeat such stereotypes given what Black people have gone through and still go through in our country. i would say the same thing to your “friend” and let her text. it’s not on you to respond, but you could be gracious and accept the apology. maybe she’ll learn from it,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She said “this is going to sound racist” and then went on to say an incredibly racist thing. It wasn’t about my ethnicity but about my husband’s. I knew she was maga so I’ve always kept it surface level with her but it was still so shocking to me.

Ok, if it's about your husband's race then you have the right to be upset. It would be OTT for a race that didn't involve you.

No it would not and thank you op.

[Anonymous]

I would just thumbs up the apology and keep your distance. Also, all maga are racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Op. She and I are both white. She has actively chosen to send her kids to this school. You think she’d have some respect for the community she’s chosen to immerse her family in.

Are you sure she's maga and not a far left liberal? Because what you describe sounds like many of the liberals here in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Op. She and I are both white. She has actively chosen to send her kids to this school. You think she’d have some respect for the community she’s chosen to immerse her family in.

Are you sure she's maga and not a far left liberal? Because what you describe sounds like many of the liberals here in the DC area.

Oh honey, you’re trying so hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She said “this is going to sound racist” and then went on to say an incredibly racist thing. It wasn’t about my ethnicity but about my husband’s. I knew she was maga so I’ve always kept it surface level with her but it was still so shocking to me.

Eh. I'm white with a black husband (and obviously biracial kids). It would really depend on what she said. You'd be shocked at the number of people over the years that have asked if the rumor about black men being well endowed is true. That's clearly a racist question, but I haven't flipped out over it every time.

You Eh, racism? Hope you don't have kids, you're one of those Moms. I can't imagine knowing that many people who would ask that question - may be you, ma'am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Op. She and I are both white. She has actively chosen to send her kids to this school. You think she’d have some respect for the community she’s chosen to immerse her family in.

Are you sure she's maga and not a far left liberal? Because what you describe sounds like many of the liberals here in the DC area.

Oh honey, you’re trying so hard!

Do you listen to yourselves talk or watch your actions?

Look at the reaction to all the rich white liberals at the mere suggestion that they might get rezoned to majority hispanic Lewis or Herndon.

Definitely someone who is "immersing" themselves in a majority minority group, then whispering racist comments on the side to the random white person also in the group, sounds an awful lot like DC area liberals, not maga folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Context would be helpful for sure. Racism is wrong, full stop but I will add that sometimes it comes from being ignorant instead of hate. If it’s ignorance, trying to correct and teach them might work.

You’re assuming they’re respectful and intellectually curious enough to be interested. Frequently it’s labor you have to do to carefully, tactfully, and subtly teach, without offense….while they think they’re doing *you* the favor by nodding politely while their eyes glaze over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

I vote for not responding. With people that say stuff like that, wonder and worry about you talking about her to others about what she said is GOLD. You shouldn't even actually tell anyone in real life, just let her wonder if you have or will.

[Anonymous]

Would it have been ok with you if an Ecuadorian had said it?

[Anonymous]

Nothing, she apologized. Stay away from her.