If you live close to the in-laws, what does your mother's day look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on very good term with my MIL. She lives 15 minutes away and that comes with its pros and cons. Now that we have our own kids, I would love to spend mother's day at our house, but she still expects that we all go to her house on Sunday. My husband is conflict averse and does not want to "rock the boat."

I know, I'm a little petty and feel sad that the day isn't "about me." But I've been buying MIL her mother's day gift (my husband would never remember or care about it) for over ten years now, and now that I'm in the thick of raising young kids, I'm tired. I just want to stay in my own house that day, spend it with the kids, and maybe get a few hours to myself. I did tell DH this but somehow he sees this as a big disruption to "the way things have been" and is afraid his mom will take offense if we don't show up at her place to celebrate her on Sunday.

As long as my mother and mother-in-law are alive I consider it their day. If you’re so tired why don’t you ask your husband for some spa days with just you or have him take the kids out while you sleep. On a different day
Also on Mother’s Day after you spent the day with family and your children, when you get home your husband needs to be in charge of the children until bedtime.

Those of you that have this living arrangement, what do you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on very good term with my MIL. She lives 15 minutes away and that comes with its pros and cons. Now that we have our own kids, I would love to spend mother's day at our house, but she still expects that we all go to her house on Sunday. My husband is conflict averse and does not want to "rock the boat."

I know, I'm a little petty and feel sad that the day isn't "about me." But I've been buying MIL her mother's day gift (my husband would never remember or care about it) for over ten years now, and now that I'm in the thick of raising young kids, I'm tired. I just want to stay in my own house that day, spend it with the kids, and maybe get a few hours to myself. I did tell DH this but somehow he sees this as a big disruption to "the way things have been" and is afraid his mom will take offense if we don't show up at her place to celebrate her on Sunday.

Those of you that have this living arrangement, what do you do?

As long as my mother and mother-in-law are alive I consider it their day. If you’re so tired why don’t you ask your husband for some spa days with just you or have him take the kids out while you sleep. On a different day
Also on Mother’s Day after you spent the day with family and your children, when you get home your husband needs to be in charge of the children until bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on very good term with my MIL. She lives 15 minutes away and that comes with its pros and cons. Now that we have our own kids, I would love to spend mother's day at our house, but she still expects that we all go to her house on Sunday. My husband is conflict averse and does not want to "rock the boat."

I know, I'm a little petty and feel sad that the day isn't "about me." But I've been buying MIL her mother's day gift (my husband would never remember or care about it) for over ten years now, and now that I'm in the thick of raising young kids, I'm tired. I just want to stay in my own house that day, spend it with the kids, and maybe get a few hours to myself. I did tell DH this but somehow he sees this as a big disruption to "the way things have been" and is afraid his mom will take offense if we don't show up at her place to celebrate her on Sunday.

Those of you that have this living arrangement, what do you do?

As long as my mother and mother-in-law are alive I consider it their day. If you’re so tired why don’t you ask your husband for some spa days with just you or have him take the kids out while you sleep. On a different day
Also on Mother’s Day after you spent the day with family and your children, when you get home your husband needs to be in charge of the children until bedtime.

Well my grandmas are still alive too. So why am I the only one who has to share my day and cook for everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many of you wait until this one annual Sunday to "catch up on rest" you should be negotiating with your spouse every weekend so that both of you have your rest time and personal time. There would be a lot less angst about this very special day if you managed the rest of the weekends better.

NP. My inlaws are 2 hours away and my mom is 15 min away. I don't need personal time on Mother's Day, but what most of us get is the complete opposite. I just don't have the energy to cook a massive meal for everyone, clean my entire house, make a gift by hand from my kids... DH definitely helps (he's our main cook) but we have 3 kids so anything we do requires both of us. And what I REALLY don't want to do is drive to MIL's house.

I actually would be content if mother's day didn't happen. I am annoyed if I have to do all the work, I'm guilty if I do nothing for mom/MIL. It's just a bad spot to be in. I enjoy being a mother and would just like a day with my kids.

Me again. I'm trying to send DH to MIL's for the day, but the kids wanted to spend it with me. They're preschool- early elementary aged. Nothing I ever do is going to be enough. I hate mother's day.

Just pick another day for yourself! Easy peasy. There's nothing sacrosanct about the second Sunday in May.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do want a day to celebrate me, but I don't care when it is. So long as my DH and kids have planned a day/meal to celebrate me, I'm ok with going to MIL/mother's to celebrate them. In my MIL's case, she will certainly choose an activity I do NOT want to do on Mother's Day. So, I tell myself this isn't my Mother's Day and I'm 100% fine with it. I don't need to cause a scene. Now, if DH/kids tried to act like MIL's mother's day activity was also MY Mother's Day, I would have a big issue.

As an aside - I would stop managing her gift. That's for DH to do. In our family, DH does all the mothers day cards/gifts and I do all the Father's Day ones (ie, DH does not need to coordinate anything for father's day).

Isn't the day to celebrate "you" your birthday?

And isn't the day to celebrate MIL, her birthday?

Why wouldn't a DH celebrate his mom on Mother's Day? His wife is not his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do want a day to celebrate me, but I don't care when it is. So long as my DH and kids have planned a day/meal to celebrate me, I'm ok with going to MIL/mother's to celebrate them. In my MIL's case, she will certainly choose an activity I do NOT want to do on Mother's Day. So, I tell myself this isn't my Mother's Day and I'm 100% fine with it. I don't need to cause a scene. Now, if DH/kids tried to act like MIL's mother's day activity was also MY Mother's Day, I would have a big issue.

As an aside - I would stop managing her gift. That's for DH to do. In our family, DH does all the mothers day cards/gifts and I do all the Father's Day ones (ie, DH does not need to coordinate anything for father's day).

Isn't the day to celebrate "you" your birthday?

And isn't the day to celebrate MIL, her birthday?

Why wouldn't a DH celebrate his mom on Mother's Day? His wife is not his mom.

Right! And on Father’s Day, DW can haul the whole family home to celebrate her Dad. DH can cook! After all, her husband is not her dad!

[Anonymous]

The mother who's raising young kids takes priority. You tell your DH that's you now. If he doesn't like it, tough luck. Does he go and celebrate Father's day at his dad, or your dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do want a day to celebrate me, but I don't care when it is. So long as my DH and kids have planned a day/meal to celebrate me, I'm ok with going to MIL/mother's to celebrate them. In my MIL's case, she will certainly choose an activity I do NOT want to do on Mother's Day. So, I tell myself this isn't my Mother's Day and I'm 100% fine with it. I don't need to cause a scene. Now, if DH/kids tried to act like MIL's mother's day activity was also MY Mother's Day, I would have a big issue.

As an aside - I would stop managing her gift. That's for DH to do. In our family, DH does all the mothers day cards/gifts and I do all the Father's Day ones (ie, DH does not need to coordinate anything for father's day).

Isn't the day to celebrate "you" your birthday?

And isn't the day to celebrate MIL, her birthday?

Why wouldn't a DH celebrate his mom on Mother's Day? His wife is not his mom.

But presumably, his mother is not the mother of his children, the person for whom he should be thankful on a daily basis for the immense sacrifices and work she does. A man raised properly honors the mother of his children first, at least according to my (paternal!) grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many of you wait until this one annual Sunday to "catch up on rest" you should be negotiating with your spouse every weekend so that both of you have your rest time and personal time. There would be a lot less angst about this very special day if you managed the rest of the weekends better.

NP. My inlaws are 2 hours away and my mom is 15 min away. I don't need personal time on Mother's Day, but what most of us get is the complete opposite. I just don't have the energy to cook a massive meal for everyone, clean my entire house, make a gift by hand from my kids... DH definitely helps (he's our main cook) but we have 3 kids so anything we do requires both of us. And what I REALLY don't want to do is drive to MIL's house.

I actually would be content if mother's day didn't happen. I am annoyed if I have to do all the work, I'm guilty if I do nothing for mom/MIL. It's just a bad spot to be in. I enjoy being a mother and would just like a day with my kids.

Me again. I'm trying to send DH to MIL's for the day, but the kids wanted to spend it with me. They're preschool- early elementary aged. Nothing I ever do is going to be enough. I hate mother's day.

Your poor kids. They are going to therapy to deal with being raised by a perpetual victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many of you wait until this one annual Sunday to "catch up on rest" you should be negotiating with your spouse every weekend so that both of you have your rest time and personal time. There would be a lot less angst about this very special day if you managed the rest of the weekends better.

NP. My inlaws are 2 hours away and my mom is 15 min away. I don't need personal time on Mother's Day, but what most of us get is the complete opposite. I just don't have the energy to cook a massive meal for everyone, clean my entire house, make a gift by hand from my kids... DH definitely helps (he's our main cook) but we have 3 kids so anything we do requires both of us. And what I REALLY don't want to do is drive to MIL's house.

I actually would be content if mother's day didn't happen. I am annoyed if I have to do all the work, I'm guilty if I do nothing for mom/MIL. It's just a bad spot to be in. I enjoy being a mother and would just like a day with my kids.

Me again. I'm trying to send DH to MIL's for the day, but the kids wanted to spend it with me. They're preschool- early elementary aged. Nothing I ever do is going to be enough. I hate mother's day.

Your poor kids. They are going to therapy to deal with being raised by a perpetual victim.

She's not a victim. Nobody has energy to cater to everyone. Especially someone who has 3 pre-school aged kids. Seems her mom and MIL are sitting on their hands and could help out instead of waiting to be catered to! What happened to older women supporting the younger ones? Once your kids are adults, you're done being a mother and are now a grandmother (if you have grandkids)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many of you wait until this one annual Sunday to "catch up on rest" you should be negotiating with your spouse every weekend so that both of you have your rest time and personal time. There would be a lot less angst about this very special day if you managed the rest of the weekends better.

NP. My inlaws are 2 hours away and my mom is 15 min away. I don't need personal time on Mother's Day, but what most of us get is the complete opposite. I just don't have the energy to cook a massive meal for everyone, clean my entire house, make a gift by hand from my kids... DH definitely helps (he's our main cook) but we have 3 kids so anything we do requires both of us. And what I REALLY don't want to do is drive to MIL's house.

I actually would be content if mother's day didn't happen. I am annoyed if I have to do all the work, I'm guilty if I do nothing for mom/MIL. It's just a bad spot to be in. I enjoy being a mother and would just like a day with my kids.

Me again. I'm trying to send DH to MIL's for the day, but the kids wanted to spend it with me. They're preschool- early elementary aged. Nothing I ever do is going to be enough. I hate mother's day.

Your poor kids. They are going to therapy to deal with being raised by a perpetual victim.

Lol no little kids are paying that close of attention on Mother’s Day to be able to notice subtle family dynamics like that.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who are very confused, Grandparents Day is in October

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who are very confused, Grandparents Day is in October

Can we please promote grandparents day?? Once you become a grandparent you get booted off Mother’s Day to the more esteemed grandparents day.

So many older women wish they were grandmas and aren’t, so this is a pretty big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do want a day to celebrate me, but I don't care when it is. So long as my DH and kids have planned a day/meal to celebrate me, I'm ok with going to MIL/mother's to celebrate them. In my MIL's case, she will certainly choose an activity I do NOT want to do on Mother's Day. So, I tell myself this isn't my Mother's Day and I'm 100% fine with it. I don't need to cause a scene. Now, if DH/kids tried to act like MIL's mother's day activity was also MY Mother's Day, I would have a big issue.

As an aside - I would stop managing her gift. That's for DH to do. In our family, DH does all the mothers day cards/gifts and I do all the Father's Day ones (ie, DH does not need to coordinate anything for father's day).

Isn't the day to celebrate "you" your birthday?

And isn't the day to celebrate MIL, her birthday?

Why wouldn't a DH celebrate his mom on Mother's Day? His wife is not his mom.

DH needs to figure out a way to make everyone happy. He has an obligation to both his mom and to the mother of his children.

Nearby MIL's have positives like babysitting but negatives like shared holidays.

[Anonymous]

My mil texted me this am about coming to their place. It's the last thing I want to do as we hosted her last week and the week before because there are a lot of family bdays for us this time of year and we also will see her the following weekend for another (and no she's not ok lumping it all together at all, something we do on my side) I had told dh to handle it and just go to her this year but of course he didn't set that up which is why she reached out to me. So I am annoyed, and that's pretty typical for mother's day for me tbh. I don't want to either host again or drive an hour to them at all considering I'm already spending all April and May focused on her.