If you live close to the in-laws, what does your mother's day look like?

[Anonymous]

Do your Mother’s Day on Saturday, hers on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

DH usually takes the kids to see my MIL that day. I don't really care to celebrate it for myself beyond a card and not having to sit around with my ILs, and my mom is no longer alive.

[Anonymous]

Kids and DH should go visit MIL in the morning on Mothers Day and they can go to church, breakfast/early brunch, take some pics etc. Then they come home around or a little after lunch and celebrate the rest of the day with you.

[Anonymous]

My mother thankfully doesn't care. Before kids, we would have lunch or do a garden walk sometime around the mother's day weekend.
Inlaws are lovely and very chill and DH used to just go over there for a breakfast etc. before kids. When kids were super little he didn't go and caught up with his mom for a lunch the week after.

they are now in retirement community so coming to us for bagels and OJ and to hang with grandkids.
I do not care about Mother's Day and just want a chill day so this suits me fine.

We spend a lot of quality time with each side including meals and outings so no need for a performative Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the year. This year both my dcs (college aged) are working, Sunday so dh will likely just go see her and they can have lunch together. Last year I think we had brunch at our house. I find that it's usually a good way to deal with these things: easier and cheaper than restaurant, and lots of time left in the day for me to do whatever after!

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to be a grown up and tell his mother that the day revolves around you. Now i wouldn't have waited until May 5th to deliver this news, I would have made plans for us as a family in April and been booked up solid on actual mother's day.

He can absolutely go see his mother if he'd like. But his mother doesn't dictate what your family does that day. The one year my MIL threw a tantrum I sent my DH alone to her house. It was miserable so he never went again. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH needs to be a grown up and tell his mother that the day revolves around you. Now i wouldn't have waited until May 5th to deliver this news, I would have made plans for us as a family in April and been booked up solid on actual mother's day.

He can absolutely go see his mother if he'd like. But his mother doesn't dictate what your family does that day. The one year my MIL threw a tantrum I sent my DH alone to her house. It was miserable so he never went again. Problem solved.

Was this thread about who self-identifies as a Beeitch? Congrats! You win.

[Anonymous]

What does your mother-in-law do for you on Mother’s Day? Do you get a card, gift etc? If you are expected to dote on her, and she can’t even recognize the mother of her grandchildren then it’s time to move to something that centers you. If she acknowledges you and does everything she can to make sure the day is equally about you, the fact that it is at her house is not inherently a problem.

[Anonymous]

I’d stop buying cards or a gift for your mil. This is DH’s issue. If he doesn’t do it, that’s on him. If she complains, you direct the complaints to him, every time. I stopped all cards last year for all events and nobody complained. If DH wants to send his mom, a card for something, he is welcome to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d stop buying cards or a gift for your mil. This is DH’s issue. If he doesn’t do it, that’s on him. If she complains, you direct the complaints to him, every time. I stopped all cards last year for all events and nobody complained. If DH wants to send his mom, a card for something, he is welcome to do so.

I think it’s OK to get a card gift for MIL…assuming MIL does the same for her. Seems unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Your DH says “this is the way things have always been.” Presumably this was before you became a mother yourself. Are you not allowed to be celebrated on Mother’s Day until she dies? I believe Mother’s Day should honor those mothers still in the trenches, basically in reverse birth order. A mother up all night with a newborn trumps a mother whose kid just graduated college. They’re both mothers, but the neediness of the kid differs.

[Anonymous]

Well first off stop getting the gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother thankfully doesn't care. Before kids, we would have lunch or do a garden walk sometime around the mother's day weekend.
Inlaws are lovely and very chill and DH used to just go over there for a breakfast etc. before kids. When kids were super little he didn't go and caught up with his mom for a lunch the week after.

they are now in retirement community so coming to us for bagels and OJ and to hang with grandkids.
I do not care about Mother's Day and just want a chill day so this suits me fine.

We spend a lot of quality time with each side including meals and outings so no need for a performative Mother's Day.

This is really sweet.

[Anonymous]

We are a 2 mom family AND live close to MIL.
( my mom is in another country)
This year they’re coming to watch DD play soccer then we’re all getting brunch out after.
Later in the day our nuclear family is going to watch the MJ movie which is something the 3 of us wanted to do together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on very good term with my MIL. She lives 15 minutes away and that comes with its pros and cons. Now that we have our own kids, I would love to spend mother's day at our house, but she still expects that we all go to her house on Sunday. My husband is conflict averse and does not want to "rock the boat."

I know, I'm a little petty and feel sad that the day isn't "about me." But I've been buying MIL her mother's day gift (my husband would never remember or care about it) for over ten years now, and now that I'm in the thick of raising young kids, I'm tired. I just want to stay in my own house that day, spend it with the kids, and maybe get a few hours to myself. I did tell DH this but somehow he sees this as a big disruption to "the way things have been" and is afraid his mom will take offense if we don't show up at her place to celebrate her on Sunday.

Those of you that have this living arrangement, what do you do?

Spouse takes kids to see his mom while I sleep in/get a massage/talked a walk, whatever I want, while they do brunch together. ILs come over to our home for a BBQ dinner that spouse prepares and cleans up afterwards