Husband can’t set a table and doesn’t care to learn how

[Anonymous]

I see a divorce in the future if you hinge on this.

What a stupid, petty thing. Setting a table is not a "life skill." You don't need it to function, get through your day, week, month, or year.

[Anonymous]

Just have a picture of a table setting on the table when you ask him to set the table until he remembers.

People only have so much bandwidth to memorize things and he's probably got far more important things to keep top of mind than table settings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table.

What did you expect?

Most adults would expect him to easily learn how to properly set a table, plates, cutlery and cups

Bfd. Learn it.

Once you learn it you don’t have to keep being retaught it or keep letting down others.

If this is your power and control move - not doing basic things correctly to piss off your loved ones- then get a divorce.

Or, pick your battles. You don't need to die on every hill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Setting the table was a big deal when I was growing up, and it’s always been a priority for me to lead by example so our kids gain this life skill.

DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table. When I ask him to, forks and knives are flung around, napkins haphazardly placed, no drinks etc.

It sounds small but it drives me nuts. I’ve tried to emphasize both that this is important to me and explain how to do it, but he doesn’t seem to care.

He’s a bit absentminded in general, and loving, but not a details person.

How to deal?

Girllllll.

[Anonymous]

This may not be the hill that you choose to die on.

I grew up setting the table for my family so I get how important it may be for your husband and thus kids learn how to.

But your husband doesn’t sound at all interested and that is unlikely to change.

If he otherwise is a great husband and father I would just let this one go……

[Anonymous]

My DH gets this wrong all the time and it is a direct reflection of how he was raised. I just quietly rearrange things without comment now because he has so many other fine qualities that this is not a hill I’m gonna die on.

But you can be sure my kids were raised with this knowledge and dining etiquette in general.

Also, I do notice people when people don’t know these things. It doesn’t really change my opinion of them but it gives me insight into their upbringing and background which in turn sometimes helps me understand their behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s an idea. Buy these from Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Painless-Learning-Place-Setting-Placemat/dp/B000H6F50W

I kind of love this idea.

Also, what’s he doing wrong? Is he putting the plate face side down? Putting the fork in the drinking glass?

Isn’t it literally a plate, glass, knife, and fork? Do you guys never go out to eat?

[Anonymous]

Print this out and leave it near the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Print this out and leave it near the table.

Do regular people really do this?

[Anonymous]

Why do women complaint about EVERY little thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do women complaint about EVERY little thing?

Because they don't have enough real power so they obsess over the unimportant minutiae. These are not serious problems for serious people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Print this out and leave it near the table.

Do regular people really do this?

Yes, we regularly have need of a dessert fork, a dessert spoon and a sherry glass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Print this out and leave it near the table.

Do regular people really do this?

I was taught to do it. I follow the general guidelines out of habit, but for most meals we just don't need more than the basic utensils and glassware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Print this out and leave it near the table.

Do regular people really do this?

Yes, we regularly have need of a dessert fork, a dessert spoon and a sherry glass.

Maybe you should stop eating desserts with every meal

[Anonymous]

OP, I actually have the same problem. After 26 years, DH still puts the napkin on the right with the knife and spoon on it and it drives me crazy. But I just change it and don’t make a federal case out of it.