Husband can’t set a table and doesn’t care to learn how

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking him to set the table, obviously. I swear people on here nag for nagging's sake.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men who care, figure out what's important to their partners and do it. My DH would love to eat standing in the kitchen. But he doesn't and set the table just fine after a year of living together. And it's now 15 years together and he can throw a dinner party without much input from me. Because he knew it was impotent to me, learned and now enjoys it. I go camping and sleep in the woods without cots or showers because it's important to him and he enjoys it so I participate best I can.

Sounds like a mismatch.

[Anonymous]

Some people will pick on any excuse to criticize their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course he can. He just doesn't want to. Find a chore that he's willing to do to your standards and resign yourself to being the person who sets the table.

And be sure to sigh very audibly when doing it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Setting the table was a big deal when I was growing up, and it’s always been a priority for me to lead by example so our kids gain this life skill.

DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table. When I ask him to, forks and knives are flung around, napkins haphazardly placed, no drinks etc.

It sounds small but it drives me nuts. I’ve tried to emphasize both that this is important to me and explain how to do it, but he doesn’t seem to care.

He’s a bit absentminded in general, and loving, but not a details person.

How to deal?

I agree with you that this is annoying, OP. Setting the table is a task that someone needs to do, and your DH doesn't care to do it in a way that makes the table look organized and inviting. Sometimes, you just have to roll your eyes at how our mothers' generation raised their boys and pick your battles. You get used to him doing it the way he wants and deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Setting the table was a big deal when I was growing up, and it’s always been a priority for me to lead by example so our kids gain this life skill.

DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table. When I ask him to, forks and knives are flung around, napkins haphazardly placed, no drinks etc.

It sounds small but it drives me nuts. I’ve tried to emphasize both that this is important to me and explain how to do it, but he doesn’t seem to care.

He’s a bit absentminded in general, and loving, but not a details person.

How to deal?

I agree with you that this is annoying, OP. Setting the table is a task that someone needs to do, and your DH doesn't care to do it in a way that makes the table look organized and inviting. Sometimes, you just have to roll your eyes at how our mothers' generation raised their boys and pick your battles. You get used to him doing it the way he wants and deal.

Why is it always on the women? What a horrible person you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Setting the table was a big deal when I was growing up, and it’s always been a priority for me to lead by example so our kids gain this life skill.

DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table. When I ask him to, forks and knives are flung around, napkins haphazardly placed, no drinks etc.

It sounds small but it drives me nuts. I’ve tried to emphasize both that this is important to me and explain how to do it, but he doesn’t seem to care.

He’s a bit absentminded in general, and loving, but not a details person.

How to deal?

I agree with you that this is annoying, OP. Setting the table is a task that someone needs to do, and your DH doesn't care to do it in a way that makes the table look organized and inviting. Sometimes, you just have to roll your eyes at how our mothers' generation raised their boys and pick your battles. You get used to him doing it the way he wants and deal.

Why is it always on the women? What a horrible person you are.

Our mothers were the ones who knew how to set the table. Many only taught their daughters or simply enforced domestic chores more for daughters than sons.

[Anonymous]

Give up. He has demonstrated that he is functionally rtrded. That's a job for an 8 year old when I grew up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is he capable of doing correctly in and for the household?

Clutch question.

Is he stay married material or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table.

What did you expect?

[Anonymous]

Tell him to step out, then tell him to imagine that he is at a restaurant where he is going to pay to have a nice meal and a nice experience. Using that eye, imagining that someone else did it, would he be happy with how the table is set?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table.

What did you expect?

She expected to mold him on her image apparently. He probably hates Easter egg hunts too and didn’t grow up doing those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's low class. I always cringe when I go to someone's house and the knife or fork is on the wrong side or at a wedding and someone takes the wrong drink or bread plate at a round table and messes everyone up.

I am embarrassed for you, PP. Etiquette is not what you think it is.

It is. I don't call them out on it, obviously, but its free to look up how to set a place setting or to find out which side the drinks or food plates go on. While you are at it, pass the salt and pepper together. please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH grew up in a family that ate standing around the kitchen, on the couch, asynchronously etc - they did not have formalized meals. As a result, DH doesn’t know how to set a table.

What did you expect?

Most adults would expect him to easily learn how to properly set a table, plates, cutlery and cups

Bfd. Learn it.

Once you learn it you don’t have to keep being retaught it or keep letting down others.

If this is your power and control move - not doing basic things correctly to piss off your loved ones- then get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to step out, then tell him to imagine that he is at a restaurant where he is going to pay to have a nice meal and a nice experience. Using that eye, imagining that someone else did it, would he be happy with how the table is set?

Lol.

Asking a slob to visualize setting the table for a nice meal! Lol. As if he gives two F’s about anything but feeding his face when he wants.