Husband can’t set a table and doesn’t care to learn how

[Anonymous]

What happens when OPs kids eat at the in-laws? Are OPs kids allowed to eat over the sink, or on the couch, as is customary with the family she married into?

Does OP need to be there to teach them all table manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He tried. My husband doesn’t know how to make a cup of coffee or sweep the kitchen.

I think this is less like learning to make coffee and more like your husband refusing to pour your coffee into the coffee mug you like.
Just why?

He actually doesn’t know how to. He’s never had to learn.

So if you have a headache he literally can't bring you a cup of coffee? Girl...

I just can't buy these people who can't do basic tasks. You can literally find a dozen videos on YouTube teaching you how to use every variation of coffee maker there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just set the table yourself if it's important to you. This seems like a lot of stress over something that would take you two minutes. Let him cook or clean or do something he actually sees value in.

But it takes zero minutes to do it correctly if you are already doing it. You have to set the fork down somewhere. Why not put it where it goes?

It can go all together for people who prefer to eat more buffet style. They actually make things like utensil caddies specifically for this. Are you going to tell us that's all wrong? We do almost all our holiday dinners like this. I guess we all just hate each other.

No. I’m not saying that’s wrong. If there were a buffet and everyone preferred to use a utensil caddy, then the answer would NOT be for OP to take the utensils and do her preferred table setting herself. That would actually be pretty rude. The answer would be for her to figure out what your family does and go with it.

I really don’t get what’s so difficult here.

Because husband likes it one way and she likes it another and decided her way is the only way to teach kids manners. Yet she married someone from a very different background. Was she ok with it then? Why is this suddenly an issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens when OPs kids eat at the in-laws? Are OPs kids allowed to eat over the sink, or on the couch, as is customary with the family she married into?

Does OP need to be there to teach them all table manners?

Personally, I think it's important to teach children basic manners and etiquette for the culture in which they live so they aren't potentially disadvantaged or embarrassed by not understanding the rules. I think you should also explain code switching to them, that manners are sometimes culturally based.

In the OP's scenario, I'm not wasting my time trying to get husband to set the table correctly. I'm just taking responsibility for that task, but also making sure my kids can do it correctly. If convenient, I'll assign that task to the kids.

I'll also explain to the kids that although we always eat at the table, not all families do and that's just fine. Adapt yourself to the environment.

[Anonymous]

[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have the same problem. After 26 years, DH still puts the napkin on the right with the knife and spoon on it and it drives me crazy. But I just change it and don’t make a federal case out of it.

Why is that a problem?

Because Princess is putting on airs acting like Tuesday supper is a State Dinner.

The rules of etiquette are the same everywhere. There is not one set of rules for Tuesday supper and a completely different one for a State Dinner.

I think this is comforting for kids. It can bring a sense of normalcy even in extreme situations. Ma Ingalls made sure that the girls set the table correctly out on the frontier. So did the Girl Guide leaders at the Weixian Internment Camp during WWII.

Establishing routines and patterns that can be followed in any situation makes difficult things psychologically easier to handle.

Who decided the rules of etiquette and under what authority?

Are you the same poster who insisted that it was ridiculous for kids to need a red sweater for the school chorus trip? You are a nightmare.

No.

Now answer the question, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He tried. My husband doesn’t know how to make a cup of coffee or sweep the kitchen.

I can't imagine finding a man who can't do basic tasks sexy. He can't sweep? Come on.

+1

Are you asking him to make a cappuccino? Those actually aren't hard to make, I figured it out after almost 50 years of not drinking coffee on a fancy machine. And sweeping? My kids could sweep when they were young. PP's husband is the definition of weaponized incompetence.

It's not that OP's husband CAN'T follow a print out of where things go, it's that he DGAF. OP can either decide that that's a problem or not, but don't tell me someone "can't" set the table or "can't" make coffee or sweep. GMAFB.

Maybe he’s left handed and he finds it beyond inconsiderate that his wife insist that he set HIS fork to the RIGHT

[Anonymous]

Make the kids do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have the same problem. After 26 years, DH still puts the napkin on the right with the knife and spoon on it and it drives me crazy. But I just change it and don’t make a federal case out of it.

Why is that a problem?

Because Princess is putting on airs acting like Tuesday supper is a State Dinner.

The rules of etiquette are the same everywhere. There is not one set of rules for Tuesday supper and a completely different one for a State Dinner.

I think this is comforting for kids. It can bring a sense of normalcy even in extreme situations. Ma Ingalls made sure that the girls set the table correctly out on the frontier. So did the Girl Guide leaders at the Weixian Internment Camp during WWII.

Establishing routines and patterns that can be followed in any situation makes difficult things psychologically easier to handle.

Who decided the rules of etiquette and under what authority?

Are you the same poster who insisted that it was ridiculous for kids to need a red sweater for the school chorus trip? You are a nightmare.

No.

Now answer the question, please.

Like you want a history lesson? Are you asking about when various ancient civilizations started using various rituals and customs in day to day life? Or are you asking about dinnerware specifically?
What do you mean “who decided the rules of etiquette?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just set the table yourself if it's important to you. This seems like a lot of stress over something that would take you two minutes. Let him cook or clean or do something he actually sees value in.

But it takes zero minutes to do it correctly if you are already doing it. You have to set the fork down somewhere. Why not put it where it goes?

Because I'd rather just serve myself in the kitchen and all sit around a table, or place a basket of utensils at the end of the table and grab one on my way to my seat depending on what I know I will be eating. I tend to eat everything possible with a spoon while dh only uses forks (except for soup), DS and i like tiny utensils and DH likes big ones, etc. We all just grab our own silverware. Why are we setting a table with uniform cutlery when we all prefer different?

But if it is super important to DH, he can do it himself. Just like he doesn't like how I fold his socks, so he does all laundry now because it's important to him. I didn't like how he loaded the dishwasher, so it's now my job. The person who thinks it's the most important is responsible in our house.

Woah. Okay. You sound like an extremely difficult person. It sounds like you do what you want, and it doesn’t sound like you are trying to fit in with larger society.
I agree that I would not ask you to do anything outside of your preferences.

PP sounds like literally the opposite of difficult you lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have the same problem. After 26 years, DH still puts the napkin on the right with the knife and spoon on it and it drives me crazy. But I just change it and don’t make a federal case out of it.

Why is that a problem?

Because Princess is putting on airs acting like Tuesday supper is a State Dinner.

The rules of etiquette are the same everywhere. There is not one set of rules for Tuesday supper and a completely different one for a State Dinner.

I think this is comforting for kids. It can bring a sense of normalcy even in extreme situations. Ma Ingalls made sure that the girls set the table correctly out on the frontier. So did the Girl Guide leaders at the Weixian Internment Camp during WWII.

Establishing routines and patterns that can be followed in any situation makes difficult things psychologically easier to handle.

Who decided the rules of etiquette and under what authority?

Are you the same poster who insisted that it was ridiculous for kids to need a red sweater for the school chorus trip? You are a nightmare.

No.

Now answer the question, please.

Like you want a history lesson? Are you asking about when various ancient civilizations started using various rituals and customs in day to day life? Or are you asking about dinnerware specifically?
What do you mean “who decided the rules of etiquette?”

I literally mean who decided the rules of etiquette, and under what authority?

Some of you seem to be under the impression that these completely *arbitrary* rules are equivalent to scripture, and fail to comprehend that we’re not all members of your religion…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have the same problem. After 26 years, DH still puts the napkin on the right with the knife and spoon on it and it drives me crazy. But I just change it and don’t make a federal case out of it.

Why is that a problem?

Because Princess is putting on airs acting like Tuesday supper is a State Dinner.

The rules of etiquette are the same everywhere. There is not one set of rules for Tuesday supper and a completely different one for a State Dinner.

I think this is comforting for kids. It can bring a sense of normalcy even in extreme situations. Ma Ingalls made sure that the girls set the table correctly out on the frontier. So did the Girl Guide leaders at the Weixian Internment Camp during WWII.

Establishing routines and patterns that can be followed in any situation makes difficult things psychologically easier to handle.

Who decided the rules of etiquette and under what authority?

Are you the same poster who insisted that it was ridiculous for kids to need a red sweater for the school chorus trip? You are a nightmare.

No.

Now answer the question, please.

Like you want a history lesson? Are you asking about when various ancient civilizations started using various rituals and customs in day to day life? Or are you asking about dinnerware specifically?
What do you mean “who decided the rules of etiquette?”

I literally mean who decided the rules of etiquette, and under what authority?

Some of you seem to be under the impression that these completely *arbitrary* rules are equivalent to scripture, and fail to comprehend that we’re not all members of your religion…

lol…okay.
You are welcome to try to change them. Sneak into wedding venues and restaurants and throw the knives around. Be a flatware anarchist!!!

[Anonymous]

I know how to set the table and do when it natters..but on a random Wednesday when we are eating leftovers after soccer., I am just going to hand you a fork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have the same problem. After 26 years, DH still puts the napkin on the right with the knife and spoon on it and it drives me crazy. But I just change it and don’t make a federal case out of it.

Why is that a problem?

Because Princess is putting on airs acting like Tuesday supper is a State Dinner.

The rules of etiquette are the same everywhere. There is not one set of rules for Tuesday supper and a completely different one for a State Dinner.

I think this is comforting for kids. It can bring a sense of normalcy even in extreme situations. Ma Ingalls made sure that the girls set the table correctly out on the frontier. So did the Girl Guide leaders at the Weixian Internment Camp during WWII.

Establishing routines and patterns that can be followed in any situation makes difficult things psychologically easier to handle.

Who decided the rules of etiquette and under what authority?

Are you the same poster who insisted that it was ridiculous for kids to need a red sweater for the school chorus trip? You are a nightmare.

No.

Now answer the question, please.

Like you want a history lesson? Are you asking about when various ancient civilizations started using various rituals and customs in day to day life? Or are you asking about dinnerware specifically?
What do you mean “who decided the rules of etiquette?”

I literally mean who decided the rules of etiquette, and under what authority?

Some of you seem to be under the impression that these completely *arbitrary* rules are equivalent to scripture, and fail to comprehend that we’re not all members of your religion

A sweeping generalization would be that these rules were invented by the upper classes. Nancy Mitford wrote an essay about U and Non-U language. The way you eat, just like the way you speak can be a class marker. Insiders vs outsiders. For some these arbitrary rules are aspirational. For others they're just hoity-toity if not downright offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I actually have the same problem. After 26 years, DH still puts the napkin on the right with the knife and spoon on it and it drives me crazy. But I just change it and don’t make a federal case out of it.

Why is that a problem?

Because Princess is putting on airs acting like Tuesday supper is a State Dinner.

The rules of etiquette are the same everywhere. There is not one set of rules for Tuesday supper and a completely different one for a State Dinner.

I think this is comforting for kids. It can bring a sense of normalcy even in extreme situations. Ma Ingalls made sure that the girls set the table correctly out on the frontier. So did the Girl Guide leaders at the Weixian Internment Camp during WWII.

Establishing routines and patterns that can be followed in any situation makes difficult things psychologically easier to handle.

Who decided the rules of etiquette and under what authority?

Are you the same poster who insisted that it was ridiculous for kids to need a red sweater for the school chorus trip? You are a nightmare.

No.

Now answer the question, please.

Like you want a history lesson? Are you asking about when various ancient civilizations started using various rituals and customs in day to day life? Or are you asking about dinnerware specifically?
What do you mean “who decided the rules of etiquette?”

I literally mean who decided the rules of etiquette, and under what authority?

Some of you seem to be under the impression that these completely *arbitrary* rules are equivalent to scripture, and fail to comprehend that we’re not all members of your religion…

lol…okay.
You are welcome to try to change them. Sneak into wedding venues and restaurants and throw the knives around. Be a flatware anarchist!!!

So… zero clue, zero curiosity. What a good sheep.

[Anonymous]

https://www.southernliving.com/home/do-you-know-how-to-set-table