pros and cons of a single room freshman year

[Anonymous]

I would not request a single.

I watched a friends kid - normal, smart, social, though a little on the quiet side - drop out of college because they never socially gelled or felt at home. Parents definitely think being in a single was a contributor. Even a bad roommate likely would have encourage more interactions with dormmates early on.

I also think it's a learning experience to live with someone else, figure out how to get along, negotiate differences, deal with life when you don't have full control. That's part of the learning you get to do at college! Taking away all the challenges of a less-than-perfect roommate isn't necessarily a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they don't get use to living with another person the first year and compromising, it's harder later.

In favor of having a roommate. There are so many ways to "check-out" and get some privacy. Put in earbuds, walk down the hall and find a friend, hang-out in a common area of the dorm.

+1000

I pity these kids’ partners/ spouses down the road. This is the epitome of spoiled privilege.

my kid has shared a bedroom his entire life. unless I'm paying less for a shared dorm (and that's not common), of course I'd take a single. up to kid though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not request a single.

I watched a friends kid - normal, smart, social, though a little on the quiet side - drop out of college because they never socially gelled or felt at home. Parents definitely think being in a single was a contributor. Even a bad roommate likely would have encourage more interactions with dormmates early on.

I also think it's a learning experience to live with someone else, figure out how to get along, negotiate differences, deal with life when you don't have full control. That's part of the learning you get to do at college! Taking away all the challenges of a less-than-perfect roommate isn't necessarily a good thing.

really depends on kid and college. williams half the kids get singles even freshman year. there's not chance half the kids aren't figuring out how to 'deal with life" or "get along"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your kid a joiner? Are they going to school with interests and activities they know they want to pursue? Have they traditionally made friends easily? Do they like socializing?

If the answers to any of these questions is no, I’d be hesitant to go with a single. If the answer to all are yes and your kid wants a single, then I don’t think there’s much downside.

I agree with this (and with the PP who mentioned that this decision is kid-dependent). Adding my perspective as a psychologist specializing in anxiety: Almost all of my clients with social anxiety who have headed off to college over the years have initially believed that they needed a single. I very rarely endorse this for kids with social anxiety because the urge to isolate and avoid social interaction without any social pressure to leave the room is a slippery slope for many kids. Even when a roommate isn't ideal, there's something to be said for the social pressure of having someone in the room who will know whether or not you're there all the time. Having a roommate flushes kids out of the room and into the world more.

But for kids who are going to go out and join things anyway, no big deal either way.

Thank you for this perspective!

[Anonymous]

I had a single for the first semester my freshman year and loved it. I was very social and made lots of friends. I am not sure if kids today are different and get lonely much easier. That may be the case and perhaps a double is best. You know your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see the upside. Sharing a common space is important but not sharing an actual bedroom. If anything I've heard too many mediocre to very bad experiences, including from very easy going people matched with roommates who stay up all night, are dirty and inconsiderate in big ways...Too much of a gamble for a very private space that can have an impact on sleep and general experience.

Well gee. Isn't that just the end of the world. It's almost as if an 18 YO should have to figure out how to handle an awkward situation. Perhaps this is what mommy and daddy college Facebook pages are for.

[Anonymous]

if a double and a single are the same price, I'm getting the single

[Anonymous]

DD was assigned a single and was disappointed she wasn't going to have a freshman roommate experience. Turns out she liked it so much she's opted for a single her sophomore year, too.

There are an equal mix of singles and doubles on her hall and all the girls know one-another, spend time in each other's rooms, etc. She just has a little more privacy. If a student is prone to isolating themselves perhaps it wouldn't be a good fit, but she's loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if a double and a single are the same price, I'm getting the single

They’re not the same price. Are you kidding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if a double and a single are the same price, I'm getting the single

They’re not the same price. Are you kidding?

they are the same price at a lot of schools

[Anonymous]

A single room would be much more preferable than a random roommate. Now, if they pick their roommate or knew them beforehand that’s different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if a double and a single are the same price, I'm getting the single

They’re not the same price. Are you kidding?

j

At DDs school, there are buildings where the per person cost of a double is *higher* than we're paying for her single in a different building.

Having a single has worked out really well for DD. She's not the most social person, so her own space has been really helpful at times. She just had to work a little harder to meet people, especially since she's the only girl on her floor (upside...she has a three stall/three shower bathroom pretty much to herself!). She's made a lot of friends, and actually spends so much time with two of them that the RA in that dorm made an extra door sign for my kid as an honorary resident!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS going to a SLAC where most kids who want singles can have one.

We're talking about pros and cons. I think a great roommate is better than a single. And a bad roommate is worse than a single. So a single kind of protects the downside. OTOH, a bad roommate would force you out of your room. IMO the danger of a single is getting too comfortable being alone.

Any thoughts on this?

A bad roommate can be much more bad than a good roommate can be good.

A good friend can be every bit as good as a good roommate. You can avoid one jerk on most campuses unless they are your roommate.

What exactly is your definition of a “bad” roommate?

DP. Someone who for example doesn’t clean up their things, or maybe stays up all night or makes noise when you’re studying. Or who goes through your stuff when you’re not there. I always had good roommates in college but I can see where it could go badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS going to a SLAC where most kids who want singles can have one.

We're talking about pros and cons. I think a great roommate is better than a single. And a bad roommate is worse than a single. So a single kind of protects the downside. OTOH, a bad roommate would force you out of your room. IMO the danger of a single is getting too comfortable being alone.

Any thoughts on this?

A bad roommate can be much more bad than a good roommate can be good.

A good friend can be every bit as good as a good roommate. You can avoid one jerk on most campuses unless they are your roommate.

What exactly is your definition of a “bad” roommate?

DP. Someone who for example doesn’t clean up their things, or maybe stays up all night or makes noise when you’re studying. Or who goes through your stuff when you’re not there. I always had good roommates in college but I can see where it could go badly.

What a wonderful opportunity to learn a little self-advocacy, or negotiation skills, or general problem solving. Also perhaps that the world does not revolve around you, and your need for personal comfort at all times.

[Anonymous]

We're thinking about this too around our HS junior. He has had huge insomnia throughout his teenage years and I suspect he'll have to have a single to avoid both him and any roommate being completely miserable.