Is it okay to divest from your unmotivated kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that my kid is a high school senior, I wish I had done more. I have regrets. Of course this is only in hindsight. At the time I did what I was capable of and spent plenty of money. But now that his part of life is ending, I wish I could back. If only so, she felt I did everything I could have. I worry she’s going to realize I let her get away with a lot because she actively worked against me or because I thought her mental health would be negatively affected by scheduling more.

Give yourself some grace, PP. It's entirely possible you pushing harder would have backfired. You don't have a crystal ball, and ultimately even though she's the kid, she'll have to understand and own her part of the outcomes she's living with now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that you are frustrated. I also have a freshman. It's time for us to dig deep, not give up. We have just over 3 years left.

IME, with children with SN, we are not done at 18.

Yeah, one of my 20 year olds continues to do great academically, but I think I have many more years of handholding the adulting tasks and interpreting social stuff. Empty nest, head full of someone else’s appointments and legal docs.

Does he work now full time? And you still do his appointments, taxes, payments, bookings!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid spends more time on youtube than on school work. Laptop is homework-only and phone has parental controls, but he still manages to log hours on youtube daily and is not motivated to do anything without 10000 reminders and negative consequences.

I am beginning to think I would rather prioritize increasing my own retirement savings over useless lessons for things he asked for and then does not practice, or fights over practicing. This includes sports and music. I am done taking him out for restaurant dinners. Contemplating telling him to get a summer job instead of paying for sleepaway camp. I am not even sure I will pay for the "best college he gest into" if that means paying top dollar for a third or fourth rate private school. He can go to our very medium state school if he won't buckle down and show some initiative with the opportunities given to him.

Your kid sounds like me when I was in high school. I ended up getting into an OK college where I found my footing (and was diagnosed with ADHD). I attended a T-14 law school, did a federal appellate clerkship, and have a successful legal career in government. Typical UMC lifestyle. Married, three kids, own a home.

I can't imagine where I'd be if my parents had "divested" from me and decided that my learning and attention difficulties rendered me unworthy to enjoy a restaurant meal with the rest of my family.

[Anonymous]

OP. I don't mean everyone else goes out to a restaurant without him. I mean that frequently when we do go out, it is his idea/because he wants to, while I would have been perfectly happy cooking at home. I would nix those outings, so we that answer to "can we go out to eat" or "can we order in" would just be: "no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious as to
why this is in SN forum.

Because it’s a troll.