Funeral Shock - Infidelity or Something Else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have died on that hill, up until the millisecond before my ex randomly confessed to multiple hookups. I never suspected a thing. Why would I have? Like your mom’s friend, my husband was home like clockwork. Never spent time on his phone, or doing anything in secret. Yet somehow, he had sneaked in YEARS of affairs. They find a way, and spouses (myself included) are blind.

+1.

My aunt was married for 43 years. Her husband (my uncle) dies and at the funeral two women roughly my age show up claiming they were his daughter from the next town over (we were in Lynchburg, they in Rustburg). Turns out they were. He'd had a half-ass, quasi second family for decades. This was in the late 90s so no internet made things easier, but I can promise you that even today, if you want to keep an affair secret it really isn't that hard.

Before my wife and I were married (but still 'exclusively' dating) I'd had a 1.5 year long FWB relationship with a woman I worked with. It was just sex, there were no emotions involved at all and it ended before the marriage and never happened again.

Married 26 years in July and I've not so much as touched another woman in that time. Literally no one knows about this except for me and the coworker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should have just kept his mouth shut. What a weird thing to say.

After my grandpa died, someone told us he had AIDs. It was kind of a bombshell and only my dad and I know. I'd never bring it up with my grandma. So many questions about how he'd get AIDs (he was married to grandma for 45 years) and whether it was true. Some things are best left unsaid.

You can't be serious? Better left unsaid if he actually had AIDs. No, dear, that's like the definition of what grandma needs to know, as it could kill her.

Old people LIVE at the doctor’s. If she had full blown AIDS she’d have known

And no doctor would allow a marriage partner to remain uninformed. It would open them to huge liability. Patient confidentiality is treated differently for reportable communicable diseases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my mom’s husband died, a number of flower bouquets showed up unsigned. The florist looked rather pained. She’d seen it before.

Turns out that he had been having several encounters with women over the years and a longer term relationship. The total was around 8 women that my mom was able to discover. There may have been more. She had no clue.

This isn’t to say that OP’s scenario is true. But it does happen.

Again proving that cheaters are mean, thoughtless, and dumb...

The reading of our father's will included some kind of 'secret bequest' It said he leaves an unspecified amount of money and belongings to an unspecified individual that only the lawyer knows about. Do with that what you will. Luckily my mom has Alzheimers and was pretty much unaware of what was being said, but to this day neither I nor my siblings have any idea who the individual is, what the items and money are/were. Just the strangest thing. He and my mom did not have a happy marriage, but he was one of those Catholic never misses church dudes. Just weird.

That should have been your first clue.

Balderdash.

At least equally likely repayment for a long-ago kindness or perhaps restitution for some long ago malefaction.

I knew a man who used his meagre pension to keep a life insurance policy in force for the benefit of a group that had been very kind when was in need and without resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say 100% untrue-This man clearly just wanted to cause hurt and I imagine he does it on a regular basis. Some people are really miserable and evil and get joy out of causing other people pain.

Telling the husband at the funeral has no positive outcome. There would be no point if it were true, to tell at that point. For what? Clearly you aren’t running away together-the woman is dead. It just seems completely pointless and that’s why I think this is probably some sick game this man plays. It’s easy to find a record of what funerals are happening-death info. I bet he does this for sport.

I have heard of people showing up at funerals but it’s usually funerals for men and it’s the kid the spouse never knew he had (due to an affair). I actually saw this twice in my life personally and heard about it with others as well.

You allowed your mother to live in a lie. How noble.

What??? Who are you responding to? I never mentioned my mom nor does what I said have anything to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my mom’s husband died, a number of flower bouquets showed up unsigned. The florist looked rather pained. She’d seen it before.

Turns out that he had been having several encounters with women over the years and a longer term relationship. The total was around 8 women that my mom was able to discover. There may have been more. She had no clue.

This isn’t to say that OP’s scenario is true. But it does happen.

Again proving that cheaters are mean, thoughtless, and dumb...

The reading of our father's will included some kind of 'secret bequest' It said he leaves an unspecified amount of money and belongings to an unspecified individual that only the lawyer knows about. Do with that what you will. Luckily my mom has Alzheimers and was pretty much unaware of what was being said, but to this day neither I nor my siblings have any idea who the individual is, what the items and money are/were. Just the strangest thing. He and my mom did not have a happy marriage, but he was one of those Catholic never misses church dudes. Just weird.

Have you or your siblings joined ancestry.com or anything like that? Seems like a very good chance you have a half sibling. On the other hand, if you guys don’t want to know, definitely avoid putting your DNA on those genealogy sites.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a Harlan Coben movie about this (called The Stranger).

[Anonymous]

So maybe it was just a prank by a disturbed individual?

[Anonymous]

Not believable, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not believable, sorry.

I knew a guy who said he did this. He was the AP of a closeted man married to a woman and he told her at the funeral. He's absolutely mentally ill, but I think it was a thing that really happened, he'd mentioned the married guy before in conversation.

[Anonymous]

People have been having affairs since the beginning of time.

It is possible he made it up, but it could be true.

I have a friend whose father had two families at the same time which they discovered much later, he even named the kids in both families the same names to not accidentally say the wrong ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have been having affairs since the beginning of time.

It is possible he made it up, but it could be true.

I have a friend whose father had two families at the same time which they discovered much later, he even named the kids in both families the same names to not accidentally say the wrong ones.

People have been mentally ill since the beginning of time.

It's possible he believes his own story, but it's completely fictional.

I will skip anecdotes.

[Anonymous]

It’s a weird way of saying that he’ll miss her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of women showed up to a funeral for one of my male relatives claiming to be his wife and asking for death certificates. The answer is no if that’s what he is after.

That's a scam.

Curious what they can do with a death certificate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the beginning of a scam.

Yup. Fake a trauma bond and then swindle money from a grieving old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bunch of women showed up to a funeral for one of my male relatives claiming to be his wife and asking for death certificates. The answer is no if that’s what he is after.

That's a scam.

Curious what they can do with a death certificate?

Open credit cards, close bank accounts, collect life insurance. All sorts of mischief.