First wives v second wives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. Both contributed to their failed marriage. She wanted to be a SAHM, he wanted her to work. She went back to school once kids were school aged, got a job, decided she didn’t like working and quit. He left. I met him 3 years later. I make more than him. For the first 6 years of our marriage until his youngest turned 18, 66% of his paycheck went to her.

Why did you settle for him, then? Obviously, you could've done so much better.

PP. Because he is amazing. I know it sounds cheesy. Smart, funny, kind. He is educated and has a good job (gross $180k).
Looks wise I’m different than ex - she comes from an Italian background with beautiful skin, I’m Irish/Anglo/German and typical pasty white. I’m 4 years younger, so not a huge age difference.
I think what attracting my husband was how a career focused I was. (We met through work).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what I’ve seen, I think sometimes men go first a younger woman because they need someone who is naive or moldable. Someone who won’t challenge them or question them in the same way that an equivalent aged peer might. It lets them have the upper hand, maintain control/superiority, and feeds their ego.

Outside of celebrity or mega wealth, the younger, hotter person has the upper hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

Why did you settle for such an old man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.

No, not really. Why are you even ruminating on it? Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

This is really specific. How many 33-year-old women who work in the legal field have 54-year-old husbands and three kids, ages 6, 3, and 1? Might want to be more careful.

Plenty of women who are the second wives of partners, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on, OP. Your desperation to put your ex's new partner down is all about you and your insecurity and says nothing about her. It's ugly. Get some therapy if need be.

Why is this striking a nerve with you?

NP. I don’t think it struck a nerve with pp. I think pp is just giving OP some real talk she needs to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

Why did you settle for such an old man?

I don’t think he’s a old man. But, I only liked older man, and fell in love with him. He’s very wealthy, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

Why did you settle for such an old man?

I don’t think he’s a old man. But, I only liked older man, and fell in love with him. He’s very wealthy, too.

He’s going to he an old man in just 10 short years. How do you feel about that?

Have his 20 something kids really thought about what it means that you’re his heir now and not them? I don’t think they have. How do you think that will go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

Why did you settle for such an old man?

I don’t think he’s an old man. But, I only liked older man, and fell in love with him. He’s very wealthy, too.

Makes sense. You married for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.

Is what typical of second partners? My husband and I were each married before and his ex-wife and I do look quite a bit alike. He is dark-haired like my ex and they both have very kind faces but they're different heights and builds.

We both traded up in the professional area though - she was a paralegal and I'm a lawyer and my husband makes a lot more than my ex did (completely different industries).

Your ex sounds like a loser if he wants to be with a woman that he can have power over so I guess it's good you're rid of him.

Anybody want to bet on whether or not this PP's DH traded down in the looks department? Because I bet he did -- hence this "I'm a lawyer and she's a paralegal!!!" stuff.

OP literally asked if husband's traded down for less professional wives in their second marriages, hence, the response. I really couldn't care less if you think I'm more or less attractive than her. We look similar - long blonde hair and blue eyes - but I'm taller by about 2 inches. I'm more muscular, she's thinner (I do weights, she's a runner). At least that's how it was 15 years ago when I last saw her. She never had kids so I'm sure her stomach is way better than mine. Does that make you feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

Why did you settle for such an old man?

I don’t think he’s a old man. But, I only liked older man, and fell in love with him. He’s very wealthy, too.

He will be old in a few years, and your children will not have that many years with their father. But I guess the inheritance makes up for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.

My ex's wife is 15 youngers. She is 50 and she is 35. I don't know where they find these women.

In my neighbor's case (he is 53, she is 29), she was dating another 50-year old guy and broke up with him. He was friends with my friend so that's how she met him. Why she isn't pursuing men her own age is unknown, but I know she has a bad relationship with her parents and is very immature and has a lot of emotional issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

Doing what? You're obviously not a lawyer or you would have said so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second wives usually come in two varieties:

-Younger, not as intelligent or accomplished but give the man the adoration he no longer had in his marriage.

-Approximately the same age, professional/financial equals. The man is looking for a partner.

Wow, you nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

Why did you settle for such an old man?

I don’t think he’s a old man. But, I only liked older man, and fell in love with him. He’s very wealthy, too.

He’s going to he an old man in just 10 short years. How do you feel about that?

Have his 20 something kids really thought about what it means that you’re his heir now and not them? I don’t think they have. How do you think that will go?

I’m fine with that. I don’t think 64, or even 74 is old. My father is in his mid 60s, he has no issue dating woman, at all. He’s healthy and active, and isn’t old.

They’re is enough money to go around for everyone. They understand the circumstances, and I would never screw them over. I understand that they’re his children and are very important to him.