First wives v second wives

[Anonymous]

My first wide is a professional woman in her late 40s and so is my second, but neither look anything alike.

I did date a lot of women in their 20s between wives but knew I would eventually marry a successful professional woman. DC is great city for meeting all kinds of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a second wife. Both contributed to their failed marriage. She wanted to be a SAHM, he wanted her to work. She went back to school once kids were school aged, got a job, decided she didn’t like working and quit. He left. I met him 3 years later. I make more than him. For the first 6 years of our marriage until his youngest turned 18, 66% of his paycheck went to her.

Why did you settle for him, then? Obviously, you could've done so much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.

He is an idiot and is proof that most are very stupid when it comes to finances. I am divorced and will never marry a woman who makes less than me. Either she makes as much as me or better more. And do you know why? Should I divorce a second time I don't want to be at a financial disadvantage because I make more.

When was the last time you heard a woman married a guy who makes less than her and is a HS drop out lol ? Men should learn from women. Women are smart. They don't marry broke men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.

My ex's wife is 15 youngers. She is 50 and she is 35. I don't know where they find these women.

[Anonymous]

Our neighbor traded up if you measure by youth (15 years younger), physical attraction (she's much prettier than the first wife was even at her prime), level of education, family money, or finances. The real head scratcher is why the second wife went for him. He is a high earner, fit and charming, but she's the whole package and didn't need to settle for a divorced dad.

[Anonymous]

No, all the women my ex dated were around my age and with a similar education level.

[Anonymous]

I do not think it is typical for getting married IME. Usually they upgrade. This could just be for funsies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.

OP: I forgot to add: she also has 2 kids from 2 of her previous relationships.

[Anonymous]

I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor traded up if you measure by youth (15 years younger), physical attraction (she's much prettier than the first wife was even at her prime), level of education, family money, or finances. The real head scratcher is why the second wife went for him. He is a high earner, fit and charming, but she's the whole package and didn't need to settle for a divorced dad.

Huh? He happens to be a divorced dad. So? If he's got a lot going for him, it's no wonder she went for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to my husband, who was previously married. I don’t think of myself as a “second wife”—I’m his wife now and his partner in life. He has three children from his prior marriage (ages 23, 20, and 19), and together we have three younger kids (6, 3, and 1).

My husband is 54 and I’m 33. We met after he had been divorced for four years, dated for about a year, and have now been married for eight years. His ex-wife and I don’t really resemble each other. I’m also educated and work in the legal field.

This is really specific. How many 33-year-old women who work in the legal field have 54-year-old husbands and three kids, ages 6, 3, and 1? Might want to be more careful.

[Anonymous]

I'm a second wife. My ex's first wife was highly educated, extremely rigid, attractive in a regal way, extremely organized and meticulous. She constantly reminded my husband of her "investment" she put in the early years fully expecting it to pay off later on. He got tired of being treated like an investment and divorced her. Met me- fun loving creative type who didn't have an expectation of him but to stay faithful and have love. His ex wife wanted to stay in 5 star hotels and wouldn't eat anywhere but Michelon star restaurants on vacation. I like to go to hole in the walls, chat with the locals at a new place, eat at a bar and don't take life so seriously. We've been married 10 years now with 2 kids.
Sometimes it's not "better" or "worse", it's just different.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a first wife versus a second wife thing. But I do think there are some men that just want to feel superior over their wives. Have more prestigious jobs, make more money, feel like they are “taking care” of a woman. Either bragging to their friends that their wife doesn’t have to work, or if she does, that despite her “work,” he is the one actually making the money for the family.

[Anonymous]

Second wives usually come in two varieties:

-Younger, not as intelligent or accomplished but give the man the adoration he no longer had in his marriage.

-Approximately the same age, professional/financial equals. The man is looking for a partner.

[Anonymous]

In what I’ve seen, I think sometimes men go first a younger woman because they need someone who is naive or moldable. Someone who won’t challenge them or question them in the same way that an equivalent aged peer might. It lets them have the upper hand, maintain control/superiority, and feeds their ego.