My 22 Year Old Stepdaughter Lives at Home and I’m Unsure How to Handle Her Behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

So your judgment is worse than hers, lol.

I don’t think I have bad judgement. My husband is a great husband and a amazing father, I’ve never regretted marrying him. We were done at 2 kids, but he really wanted a third, so we did it.

Please explain what this great husband and amazing father has done to help his daughter launch and his wife not be overburdened. Go on-- tell us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The laundry is the giveaway that this is a troll. That makes no sense. Why would OP be doing her laundry?

She’s very lazy, and didn’t do laundry even as a teen, so she’s gone back to that routine.

Why are you doing it, though? If she wants clean clothes she can wash them.

Maybe when you are a grown up you’ll learn how to say no.
She’s asks me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The laundry is the giveaway that this is a troll. That makes no sense. Why would OP be doing her laundry?

She’s very lazy, and didn’t do laundry even as a teen, so she’s gone back to that routine.

Why are you doing it, though? If she wants clean clothes she can wash them.

She’s asks me.

Oh my goodness, and the awesome power of her "asking" compels you to do it? Here's what you do-- you take a little inhale, then you make a "nnnnn" sound, then you finish it off with an "oh" sound. That's it.

[Anonymous]

SD knows she wasn't enough as evidenced by really wanted replacement kid 3.
Father is just ATM sperm donor, SM is powerless.
Get life insurance on sperm donor.

[Anonymous]

TL;DR

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

So your judgment is worse than hers, lol.

I don’t think I have bad judgement. My husband is a great husband and an amazing father, I’ve never regretted marrying him. We were done at 2 kids, but he really wanted a third, so we did it.

Gross. You are completely disregarding that he had a kid, and he now has four, and is a total parenting fail by not only marrying a woman half his age when his kid needed him, but now neglecting his oldest and most important child.

He had two kids. Why should’ve that stopped us from having children together? Divorce happens, live moves on. He loves his children, and has never neglected them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

So your judgment is worse than hers, lol.

I don’t think I have bad judgement. My husband is a great husband and an amazing father, I’ve never regretted marrying him. We were done at 2 kids, but he really wanted a third, so we did it.

Gross. You are completely disregarding that he had a kid, and he now has four, and is a total parenting fail by not only marrying a woman half his age when his kid needed him, but now neglecting his oldest and most important child.

He had two kids. Why should’ve that stopped us from having children together? Divorce happens, live moves on. He loves his children, and has never neglected them.

Please explain what he is doing about this situation with his daughter. She is behaving badly, and allowing her to be idle is harmful to her. As well as to you. What is this excellent, loving, non-neglectful father doing to intervene?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

So your judgment is worse than hers, lol.

I don’t think I have bad judgement. My husband is a great husband and an amazing father, I’ve never regretted marrying him. We were done at 2 kids, but he really wanted a third, so we did it.

Gross. You are completely disregarding that he had a kid, and he now has four, and is a total parenting fail by not only marrying a woman half his age when his kid needed him, but now neglecting his oldest and most important child.

He had two kids. Why should’ve that stopped us from having children together? Divorce happens, live moves on. He loves his children, and has never neglected them.

Please explain what he is doing about this situation with his daughter. She is behaving badly, and allowing her to be idle is harmful to her. As well as to you. What is this excellent, loving, non-neglectful father doing to intervene?

We’re trying to figure out what to to do about this situation together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

So your judgment is worse than hers, lol.

I don’t think I have bad judgement. My husband is a great husband and an amazing father, I’ve never regretted marrying him. We were done at 2 kids, but he really wanted a third, so we did it.

Gross. You are completely disregarding that he had a kid, and he now has four, and is a total parenting fail by not only marrying a woman half his age when his kid needed him, but now neglecting his oldest and most important child.

He had two kids. Why should’ve that stopped us from having children together? Divorce happens, live moves on. He loves his children, and has never neglected them.

Please explain what he is doing about this situation with his daughter. She is behaving badly, and allowing her to be idle is harmful to her. As well as to you. What is this excellent, loving, non-neglectful father doing to intervene?

We’re trying to figure out what to to do about this situation together.

It's been AN ENTIRE YEAR and you're just now trying to figure out a solution? Come on. That is what neglect is! He's just let this ride for a full year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stepdaughter was an Applied Math major at a college in California and had always been smart and motivated in school—straight A’s, very focused, and completely on track. I’ve been her stepmom since she was 7 and she was always a well-liked, responsible kid and a strong student.

She started college full of excitement and energy. From the very beginning, she threw herself into her studies and campus life, consistently excelling in her classes and taking on opportunities to travel, work, and explore new experiences. Most of the time she only came home during breaks, and she always managed her independence responsibly. She had a clear sense of direction, stayed on top of her responsibilities, and impressed everyone with her focus and drive. Knowing how capable and self-sufficient she has always been, her current behavior at home is particularly surprising and hard to understand—it’s clear she can do better, which makes the situation even more confusing and frustrating.

During college she met a guy online. He’s 35 and works in finance. They talked for about 6 months. At the time, she told us the plan was to finish school and then possibly move to the East Coast after graduation to be with him.

Instead, right before her senior year she suddenly dropped out and moved across the country to live with him without telling us beforehand. We only found out after the fact. They lived together for about 7 months, then the relationship ended, and she moved back home last March. She’s now 22, almost 23.

Since she’s been back, she says she wants to finish her last year, but her behavior at home is… challenging. She has her own room and car—she actually crashed her old car a few months ago and now has a brand-new one. She sleeps late, often until 11 or 12, and stays up until around 2. Most of her day is spent on her phone, streaming shows, going out drinking, traveling, or partying. She has friends she hangs out with, and when she isn’t in a relationship she dates a lot. This socializing—partying, drinking, trips—is basically her day-to-day.

She doesn’t cook, clean, or help with anything around the house. I end up doing all the meals, laundry, and cleaning for her. She doesn’t help voluntarily and doesn’t respond well when asked to follow rules. When I ask her to do anything, she either ignores it, argues, or rolls her eyes. She eats all three meals at home, doesn’t have a job, and contributes nothing financially. With me being pregnant, the lack of contribution in other areas has started to feel even more stressful.

I feel like she’s completely unmotivated, almost lazy to the point where it’s affecting the household. She was always so driven academically, so this sudden drop in responsibility and motivation is shocking.

I know she’s an adult and I can’t make her go back to school, and I also recognize that as her stepmom I don’t have ultimate authority—she’s her own person. I’m just trying to figure out how to handle this situation and support her in a way that encourages responsibility. Is it worth trying to gently push her toward contributing and taking steps toward independence, or would that just make it worse?

Something really bad happened here. You're reasonably frustrated with the day to day, which is fair, but I would put money on her current partying, drinking, lack of motivation, and abrupt change on some kind of trauma from this period.

This is what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

Did you drink at your wedding?

[Anonymous]

You need to have a sit down with both of them and make a plan. Stop catering to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

Did you drink at your wedding?

Yes, of course I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old were you when you became her stepmom? 20?

I’m 35, so I was 20 at the time. My husband was 36 then and is now 51. We have a 10 year old daughter and a 7 year-old son, and we’re expecting another boy in June.

So your judgment is worse than hers, lol.

I don’t think I have bad judgement. My husband is a great husband and an amazing father, I’ve never regretted marrying him. We were done at 2 kids, but he really wanted a third, so we did it.

Gross. You are completely disregarding that he had a kid, and he now has four, and is a total parenting fail by not only marrying a woman half his age when his kid needed him, but now neglecting his oldest and most important child.

He had two kids. Why should’ve that stopped us from having children together? Divorce happens, live moves on. He loves his children, and has never neglected them.

Please explain what he is doing about this situation with his daughter. She is behaving badly, and allowing her to be idle is harmful to her. As well as to you. What is this excellent, loving, non-neglectful father doing to intervene?

We’re trying to figure out what to to do about this situation together.

It's been AN ENTIRE YEAR and you're just now trying to figure out a solution? Come on. That is what neglect is! He's just let this ride for a full year?

She kept telling us that she’d go back to school next semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to have a sit down with both of them and make a plan. Stop catering to her.

What plan would you suggest?