Not inviting kids.

[Anonymous]

I get it for the small wedding because it sounds like a dinner affair and the 2yo would struggle to behave. For the big wedding, I've not heard of people not making exceptions for wedding party/close family to the no kid rule so I think it sucks he basically is guaranteeing you won't go.

I would just show up for the courthouse wedding and meal with or without dh depending on your babysitting situation.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your brother. He's a typical clueless newlywed, doesn't know about the breastfeeding, and probably doesn't care. There are many like him!

Kids make weddings so joyful and spontaneous, and I wanted all my baby relatives at my wedding! But I grudgingly accept that others might not share this love of multi-generational gatherings. It's his call, in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this wedding is about the couple, not you.

They want to have an enjoyable, memorable dinner that is about their marriage.

If you come with a toddler and 3 month old, the kids will act up, everyone will fuss over the baby - it will be all about your kids. And your brother knows it.

Fine to skip the destination wedding. Go to the dinner but leave your husband at home with the kids. Stay for an hour and then go back home if you need to.

'

Some people are so interesting. I cannot imagine anyone I know feeling jealous of and not wanting their niece/nephew at a huge family event because people will say they're cute. Especially since it sounds like the main event is all adult. And of course it's destination. It all makes sense. I know someone who had a destination wedding and said no +1s unless married. Lolol. Send your regards and don't worry about it again.

Agree, like what if you had a stunningly beautiful adult female relative, or a relative with some degree of success or celebrity who might take attention from the couple... you can invite who you want but these would be considered absolutely ridiculous reasons.

It’s not an apples to apples comparison. The stunningly beautiful adult likely won’t cry or spit up or otherwise make noise and can sit through a dinner or wedding without drawing attention.

[Anonymous]

Skip both OP
Kids aren’t invited. You have two and
You two aren’t close

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your brother. He's a typical clueless newlywed, doesn't know about the breastfeeding, and probably doesn't care. There are many like him!

Kids make weddings so joyful and spontaneous, and I wanted all my baby relatives at my wedding! But I grudgingly accept that others might not share this love of multi-generational gatherings. It's his call, in the end.

Ok. Thanks for acknowledging that crying babies in the wedding aren't universal signs of joy.

[Anonymous]

Families in the 50s and 60s:
Brother Bob is getting married! We just got invited!

Oh great. I look forward to getting dressed up for once. Who will we get to sit for the kids?

Families now apparently:
Brother Bob is getting narried. We are invited but not the kids.

Those narcissistic #@#& are hating on us! Babies are part of the family and that's that. I am going to call and give him and his slutty self centered bride a piece of my mind! It's Huey or the highway.

[Anonymous]

Attend the courthouse ceremony/reception only, by yourself, while your husband takes care of the kids.

Then, don’t give the international event another thought.

[Anonymous]

I agree it seems targeted to you. I would skip both especially if I was nursing an infant like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with other posters. But also will add that it is and feels targeted at you *because* you happen to have kids. But lots of couples don’t want kids at their wedding. Plus a toddler and an infant at a wedding or intimate dinner party is not ideal anyway.
If you can’t pump to attend the dinner, then send well wishes and politely decline. If you don’t want to be away from toddler and infant for a destination wedding (I would not) then also politely decline.
But I emphasize politely.
No little snide remarks or digs.
But just say “Thank you for the kind invitation, but unfortunately we are unable to attend due to the needs of our infant and toddler. But of course we wish you both the very best for a beautiful wedding and celebration!”
Done.
You won’t “win” this one with your family by trying to guilt them into giving your kids an invitation.
They may try to guilt YOU by saying “can’t you just…[insert whatever solution they think is appropriate for you to arrange for the kids in order to attend]?…”
And you just smile and respond, “sorry, no, we just aren’t comfortable with that. But know that we will be celebrating with you in spirit.”
Or
“That’s a nice idea, but it’s not realistic for us. I’m sure everyone will have a lovely time and please know that we’re so happy for you!”

This. No ridiculous nonsense about eXcLuDe yOuR nIeCe aNd nEPhEw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children of relatives are always included even if it is a "no-kids" wedding. Hire a few baby sitters etc, hire a adjacent room etc. This is big fuxing bs excuse.

Are the grown ups fornicating at the wedding that kids are not allowed? Relatives Kids are always allowed and parents whisk them off when they start to cry etc. Parents make it happen.

OP - Do not go. I am shocked that you still want a relationship with your side of the family. Lean into your DH's side of the family and the grandparents.

Nope. Wrong.

[Anonymous]

My 2 cents:

-why on earth would you even WANT to bring a 2yo and 3mo to the very small local ceremony and small formal dinner? This sounds like a nightmare to me, TBH. I’d be thrilled to leave the kids at home with a sitter or DH. I would not bring the kids even if they WERE invited. Especially since it is local. If I need to duck out to nurse or pump, or leave early, then so be it.

-is it not a foregone conclusion that you would NOT be attending a destination wedding with a 2yo and 3mo anyway? Even if they WERE invited? I would not even consider it. If the kids were older, sure. So what does it even matter if they are invited or not?

-it is generally reasonable & considered within the “norm” to leave a 3mo with the child’s other parent or a trusted family member or sitter for a short time. Many 3mo olds are in the care of daycare or a nanny already, as the parents have returned to work. It is by no means some sort of personalized slap in the face to expect this- given the event is quite important & very much local. If you were 2wks postpartum or something, that would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attend the courthouse ceremony/reception only, by yourself, while your husband takes care of the kids.

Then, don’t give the international event another thought.

This. Obviously 1mo postpartum you wont be staying long at the reception.

[Anonymous]

Here’s what you should do:

Your husband stays home with the kids and you go to the local dinner for dessert or as long as you can reasonably manage with breastfeeding.

Obviously, send your regrets for the destination wedding. Even if kids were included, this would be a nightmare with an a baby and toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children of relatives are always included even if it is a "no-kids" wedding. Hire a few baby sitters etc, hire a adjacent room etc. This is big fuxing bs excuse.

Are the grown ups fornicating at the wedding that kids are not allowed? Relatives Kids are always allowed and parents whisk them off when they start to cry etc. Parents make it happen.

OP - Do not go. I am shocked that you still want a relationship with your side of the family. Lean into your DH's side of the family and the grandparents.

This is such BS. Plenty of people have kid and baby free weddings.

I am sick of people acting like their kids are entitled to go to other people's weddings. People hire babysitters and put their kids in day cares etc for all sorts of things! But for some reason, they can't leave them alone for a few hours to go to a wedding? It's ridiculous.

Get over yourself, OP. This day isn't about you and your babies who are way too young to remember this wedding. You sound self centered, which is why your brother doesn't like you.

Finally this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children of relatives are always included even if it is a "no-kids" wedding. Hire a few baby sitters etc, hire a adjacent room etc. This is big fuxing bs excuse.

Are the grown ups fornicating at the wedding that kids are not allowed? Relatives Kids are always allowed and parents whisk them off when they start to cry etc. Parents make it happen.

OP - Do not go. I am shocked that you still want a relationship with your side of the family. Lean into your DH's side of the family and the grandparents.

This made me laugh. You are clearly out of touch and/or new here.