No neighborhood friends for the kids

[Anonymous]

I can see how lack of sidewalks might make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see how lack of sidewalks might make a difference.

Posted earlier that we have this and we’ve also got sidewalks on both sides of the street and bike / walking trails nearby accessed via sidewalks. I’m assuming people who are more active and social (and want that for their kids) gravitate towards our area which in turn leads to more socialization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.

There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school.

It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids.

You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed.

Lol, the world is not the same as when you grew up 30-50 years ago. It's no longer common to let kids roam around freely even in neighborhood full of kids. From what I can see, nowadays parents would accompany their kids (under 10) even when going to play dates just a few blocks away. So it's essentially no different from driving to a play date 10-20 minutes away. Also kids in DMV area nowadays have way more extracurricular activities than average kids 30-50 years ago, which also significantly limit their time of hanging out with neighborhood kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.

There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school.

It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids.

You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed.

Lol, the world is not the same as when you grew up 30-50 years ago. It's no longer common to let kids roam around freely even in neighborhood full of kids. From what I can see, nowadays parents would accompany their kids (under 10) even when going to play dates just a few blocks away. So it's essentially no different from driving to a play date 10-20 minutes away. Also kids in DMV area nowadays have way more extracurricular activities than average kids 30-50 years ago, which also significantly limit their time of hanging out with neighborhood kids.

Where I am (not DMV) kids still do play outside all the time and people are not too intense about activities. So moving to a kid friendly neighborhood was a huge bonus and made social life for them very easy, no need for playdates. It also helps to have nearby things to bike to like a nice park. My kids are young adults now but still talk to their friends, see them when they come home. There is a decent amount of turnover and I'm sure we will be part of it some day too and make room for younger families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.

There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school.

It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids.

You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed.

Lol, the world is not the same as when you grew up 30-50 years ago. It's no longer common to let kids roam around freely even in neighborhood full of kids. From what I can see, nowadays parents would accompany their kids (under 10) even when going to play dates just a few blocks away. So it's essentially no different from driving to a play date 10-20 minutes away. Also kids in DMV area nowadays have way more extracurricular activities than average kids 30-50 years ago, which also significantly limit their time of hanging out with neighborhood kids.

Where I am (not DMV) kids still do play outside all the time and people are not too intense about activities. So moving to a kid friendly neighborhood was a huge bonus and made social life for them very easy, no need for playdates. It also helps to have nearby things to bike to like a nice park. My kids are young adults now but still talk to their friends, see them when they come home. There is a decent amount of turnover and I'm sure we will be part of it some day too and make room for younger families.

I understand your perspective from a non-DMV area. However this is a DMV based forum and most people's experience are also DMV based. Around DMV, cars drive residential neighborhoods at high speed all the time. Drivers living in the same neighborhood (which is probably the majority at where you live) usually are more cautious and would slow down and yield to walkers/kids. However, Uber drivers, DoorDashers and commuters who are cutting through residential neighborhoods are way less considerate and would speed through. I wouldn't feel safe letting my kids under 10 to even walk a few blocks by themselves. I don't see other people's kids doing it either. The youngest kids I've seen walking unaccompanied are 10+. I know it's a different environment from where you live and how you and your kids grew up, but that's the reality in most areas near DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For many reasons..and at any tax bracket or SES level.. sometimes being able to self-select friends, works out better than defaulting to the ones around you

+1. My neighborhood has a lot of kids running around. Most are not the same age as my kids. There is a lot of drama, clashes in parenting style, etc. Not all it’s cracked up to be.

[Anonymous]

Is there a neighborhood pool? Join the pool and swim team if there is one your kids can walk to. It’s how you will meet all the neighborhood kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.

There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school.

It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids.

You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed.

Lol, the world is not the same as when you grew up 30-50 years ago. It's no longer common to let kids roam around freely even in neighborhood full of kids. From what I can see, nowadays parents would accompany their kids (under 10) even when going to play dates just a few blocks away. So it's essentially no different from driving to a play date 10-20 minutes away. Also kids in DMV area nowadays have way more extracurricular activities than average kids 30-50 years ago, which also significantly limit their time of hanging out with neighborhood kids.

Where I am (not DMV) kids still do play outside all the time and people are not too intense about activities. So moving to a kid friendly neighborhood was a huge bonus and made social life for them very easy, no need for playdates. It also helps to have nearby things to bike to like a nice park. My kids are young adults now but still talk to their friends, see them when they come home. There is a decent amount of turnover and I'm sure we will be part of it some day too and make room for younger families.

I understand your perspective from a non-DMV area. However this is a DMV based forum and most people's experience are also DMV based. Around DMV, cars drive residential neighborhoods at high speed all the time. Drivers living in the same neighborhood (which is probably the majority at where you live) usually are more cautious and would slow down and yield to walkers/kids. However, Uber drivers, DoorDashers and commuters who are cutting through residential neighborhoods are way less considerate and would speed through. I wouldn't feel safe letting my kids under 10 to even walk a few blocks by themselves. I don't see other people's kids doing it either. The youngest kids I've seen walking unaccompanied are 10+. I know it's a different environment from where you live and how you and your kids grew up, but that's the reality in most areas near DC.

That's true. I feel like the unsafe aggressive delivery drivers, including commercial, really picked up about 10 years ago. I did not let my kids go out to the street unless I was physically at the roadside at that point, so that the drivers knew an adult would witness an accident. I saw a well-known name-brand delivery truck stop, honk their horn, and then speed up to charge some kids on bikes to make them scatter -- and that was the last straw for me. No more just watching from the window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.

There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school.

It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids.

You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed.

Lol, the world is not the same as when you grew up 30-50 years ago. It's no longer common to let kids roam around freely even in neighborhood full of kids. From what I can see, nowadays parents would accompany their kids (under 10) even when going to play dates just a few blocks away. So it's essentially no different from driving to a play date 10-20 minutes away. Also kids in DMV area nowadays have way more extracurricular activities than average kids 30-50 years ago, which also significantly limit their time of hanging out with neighborhood kids.

Where I am (not DMV) kids still do play outside all the time and people are not too intense about activities. So moving to a kid friendly neighborhood was a huge bonus and made social life for them very easy, no need for playdates. It also helps to have nearby things to bike to like a nice park. My kids are young adults now but still talk to their friends, see them when they come home. There is a decent amount of turnover and I'm sure we will be part of it some day too and make room for younger families.

I understand your perspective from a non-DMV area. However this is a DMV based forum and most people's experience are also DMV based. Around DMV, cars drive residential neighborhoods at high speed all the time. Drivers living in the same neighborhood (which is probably the majority at where you live) usually are more cautious and would slow down and yield to walkers/kids. However, Uber drivers, DoorDashers and commuters who are cutting through residential neighborhoods are way less considerate and would speed through. I wouldn't feel safe letting my kids under 10 to even walk a few blocks by themselves. I don't see other people's kids doing it either. The youngest kids I've seen walking unaccompanied are 10+. I know it's a different environment from where you live and how you and your kids grew up, but that's the reality in most areas near DC.

I’m in a Fairfax county neighborhood with sidewalks and trails and lots of kids walk and bike around the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a neighborhood pool? Join the pool and swim team if there is one your kids can walk to. It’s how you will meet all the neighborhood kids.

Sure.

Checks pool waitlist.

Ok at least we’ll be members in 15 years when my kids are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a neighborhood pool? Join the pool and swim team if there is one your kids can walk to. It’s how you will meet all the neighborhood kids.

Sure.

Checks pool waitlist.

Ok at least we’ll be members in 15 years when my kids are adults.

1. You made the choice not to join the pool when you bought your house (we joined the waitlist when we moved, before we had kids and got in the summer before my first one started kindergarten 7 years later).
2. You made the choice not to move further out to the land of HOAs with pools.
3. Ask your kids to ask their friends for their parents phone numbers and set up playdates. That's how your kids make friends. Bonus if you ask them to ask about friends who are on their bus. Those kids live close to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.

There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school.

It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids.

You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed.

Honestly in talking with friends, even in neighborhoods full of kids, nobody is doing this anymore.

Well, my kids do this and I am so happy that we live in this neighborhood.

As I am typing this, my senior has 4 of their close neighborhood friends over. These kids have known each other since they were in pre-school and watching them grow together has been amazing. My other two children have very similar friendships with kids that live within a few blocks of us.
It might not be typical, but it definitely exists.

That said, I agree that you shouldn't move at this point. It doesn't make sense.

Your post is not helpful to OP and just makes you sound like a smug a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a neighborhood pool? Join the pool and swim team if there is one your kids can walk to. It’s how you will meet all the neighborhood kids.

Sure.

Checks pool waitlist.

Ok at least we’ll be members in 15 years when my kids are adults.

1. You made the choice not to join the pool when you bought your house (we joined the waitlist when we moved, before we had kids and got in the summer before my first one started kindergarten 7 years later).
2. You made the choice not to move further out to the land of HOAs with pools.
3. Ask your kids to ask their friends for their parents phone numbers and set up playdates. That's how your kids make friends. Bonus if you ask them to ask about friends who are on their bus. Those kids live close to you.

FYA the waitlists are up to 12-15 years in Arlington. You can get on it before you’re pregnant or even close on the house and not get off until your oldest is in high school.

What is this magical land of HOAs with pools in nova? Do you even live here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a neighborhood pool? Join the pool and swim team if there is one your kids can walk to. It’s how you will meet all the neighborhood kids.

Sure.

Checks pool waitlist.

Ok at least we’ll be members in 15 years when my kids are adults.

Don't beat yourself over this. You did nothing wrong. Kids being around a small handful of local kids doesn't guarantee they find friends walking distance away. Pool clubs, like middle schools have a wider radius, so kids they make friends with may live too far away anyway. Elementary school has tighter boundaries and fewer blocks zoned for it, it's the biggest opportunity.

Check out local summer camps that are likely to have kids who live closer by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.

There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school.

It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids.

You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed.

Honestly in talking with friends, even in neighborhoods full of kids, nobody is doing this anymore.

Well, my kids do this and I am so happy that we live in this neighborhood.

As I am typing this, my senior has 4 of their close neighborhood friends over. These kids have known each other since they were in pre-school and watching them grow together has been amazing. My other two children have very similar friendships with kids that live within a few blocks of us.
It might not be typical, but it definitely exists.

That said, I agree that you shouldn't move at this point. It doesn't make sense.

Your post is not helpful to OP and just makes you sound like a smug a-hole.

It's also stupid, because people move. Growing up since preschool to the end of HS in the same area is not as common in transient large metro areas. My kids had to say good bye to all their preschool and elementary school friends, and some of them moved away before we did. The problem with MS/HS kids finding friends in the neighborhood is real because of how large the areas schools cover are.