No neighborhood friends for the kids

[Anonymous]

We moved to a neighborhood in Anne Arundel County that was like this - the neighborhood was mostly empty nesters with just a few houses with kids at home. We moved into a row of new houses on one street where all the families had kids, but they were spread in age from newborns through high school with few the same age or grade. Now that we've been here for 6 yrs there has been a wave of the older homes (mostly smaller starter homes) selling and there are probably 30+ children age 8 and under - so you may see this happen soon in your neighborhood. Our kids have close friends in adjacent neighborhoods. Our middle schoolers roam the whole area on their bikes venturing within a 1-2 mile radius to see all their friends, visit parks or neighborhood pool clubs. They have a lot of freedom to roam safely and it reminds me of my own 80s/90s childhood.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are moving to a neighborhood where you know the families, kids, etc. I would not. People move, neighborhood changes. So unless its a sure bet, like moving to a neighborhood where you already know like four or five families and they are social etc. I do not think its worth it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone, this has really helped. We got unlucky with the situation, and we will try to make the best of it. I hadn't let myself fully settle in yet (hang pictures, paint, etc) because I was worried about the lack of neighbor community. I will just let go as something we can't control and make it really our home and that will probably help a lot too.

[Anonymous]

That's what Scouts, sports, clubs are for. Why do you think DCUM is full of posts about driving kids all over?

[Anonymous]

There is a benefit though to unstructured spontaneous playtime, and that happens with kids running around amuck outside together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a benefit though to unstructured spontaneous playtime, and that happens with kids running around amuck outside together.

Yes but not worth moving for.

[Anonymous]

The window where this happens is small, and you have to know the exact ages of the kids in the neighborhood and whether their parents let them run around and the kids are not over scheduled. It’s too complicated to move for, especially if you like your home and location now. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids but none of the kids that run around outside are our kids ages. There are no guarantees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The window where this happens is small, and you have to know the exact ages of the kids in the neighborhood and whether their parents let them run around and the kids are not over scheduled. It’s too complicated to move for, especially if you like your home and location now. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids but none of the kids that run around outside are our kids ages. There are no guarantees.

This. So many kids are at after care and have sports and travel sport etc on weekends... also, you don't know if your kids will get along even if they are the same age. I would not move on account of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? We moved into a neighborhood with incredible schools and when we moved in, there were almost no young kids. Then the houses started turning over as kids graduated and parents downsized, and now there are maybe 50 kids on our 20-house block. They all seem to play together.

That said, if your kids play rec sports and other activities, they might not be around much to pony Witt the neighbors anyway.

+1. My neighborhood has a lot more little kids now because a lot of the original owners moved away in the last 5 years to Florida and the like because they were retired with grown kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The window where this happens is small, and you have to know the exact ages of the kids in the neighborhood and whether their parents let them run around and the kids are not over scheduled. It’s too complicated to move for, especially if you like your home and location now. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids but none of the kids that run around outside are our kids ages. There are no guarantees.

This. So many kids are at after care and have sports and travel sport etc on weekends... also, you don't know if your kids will get along even if they are the same age. I would not move on account of this.

This, so many of the kids get off the bus at our bus stop and jump in a parent's car and go off to sports practice, music lessons, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a benefit though to unstructured spontaneous playtime, and that happens with kids running around amuck outside together.

OP has a pair of kids. 1 sibling is enough. Make sure your kids have a good relationship. This can be helped by supporting outdoor play that takes 2 kids. Anything from imaginative play to a 2 person swing or teeter totter.

[Anonymous]

We live in DC and go to the local public school. There are literally 9 kid friends from our ES within a two block walk. My son’s two best friends live across the street (30 second walk).

This is one of the downsides of fancy private schools - far flung friends and lots of driving.

[Anonymous]

I actually prefer no friends within walking distance. I think it would be too chaotic and hard to set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for advice from people who had a childhood without neighborhood friends - is that big of a deal? Wrestling with something right now... backstory is we absolutely love our home, it is beautiful and perfect for us as a family. We love the area, and moved a year ago. Since that time, it has become apparent that our neighborhood is way more older leaning than we realized. Super nice people! But keep to themselves and are mostly empty nesters... signs we thought were kids living there when we toured like swingsets and bikes were actually for grandkids when they visit. Youngest kids are in high school. There is no one for my kids in elementary to play with. No one seems to be moving anytime soon. I think it is ok maybe because they are so busy with activities and we are physically very close to where they go to school so lots of play dates with friends from there. Also, we won't meet anyone at, say, the bus stop because they go to private. I want to stay but I also want my kids to have a fun childhood and part of that is running around with neighborhood friends... or am I putting too much value on it? They have never complained about it but I grew up on a rural farm and was lonely so I may be projecting. We as a family have a full social life otherwise so no complaints there.

You are putting too much value on running around with neighborhood friends. You need to continue with your normal socializing with others, continue to have playdates with school friends and you need to get your kids into ECs and sports to build a cohort of friends doing same/similar activities.

You can also reach out to the older neighbors and let them know that the kids can get together for sometime whenever the grandkids are visiting if your kids are free too. And when you do that, please be present and vigilant to supervise. You will have to figure out if these are good and friendly kids or future psychopaths.

[Anonymous]

It's mostly this area. Same thing happened to us. When we first moved here, I made my kids go outside, walk around our very safe neighborhood and look for kids to play with. They came home empty handed. Even the kids around here were too busy with organized activities. Hardly any kids outside playing.

Kids are now in college, and we will be moving as soon as we can.