No neighborhood friends for the kids
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Don't move! You are so lucky they have each other. I grew up in a kid-abundant neighborhood but still mostly only played with my siblings and absolutely don't feel like I missed anything. Plus by middle school, no one is out playing with neighbors - kids have more coordinated hangouts and parents take care of the transportation. There is nowhere that you will move that can guarantee you a neighborhood full of welcoming, friendly and available children to play with. |
Anonymous
| OP here - I just wanted to say how much I appreciate how kind everyone has been in this thread and I was provided a lot of valuable advice and perspective. Thank you! |
Anonymous
|
My kids go to a county-wide lottery school in Arlington. Kids are from all over the county so my kids don't have "neighborhood friends" either. Most of their friends live 10-20 minutes away by car, and we have play dates with them often. Plus my kids spend time with their friends at after-school care and weekend sports. So I never find it an issue; in fact it's nice for us (parents) to get to know other families from all over the county.
There are plenty of kids in my neighborhood and I see them playing in the neighborhood. It's very nice, but I don't think my kids are missing out much. They have quite a busy social life (sports, after-school care, weekend play dates and birthday parties) with their friends from their lottery school. It'll be OK as long as you think your kids' friends will be living within 10-20 minutes by car. I can't speak for older kids, but I find it totally cool with my elementary school kids. |
Anonymous
| Where would you move? Even if you find and can afford a neighborhood with more families and where you can see kids riding bikes or walking around or playing at a playground, there is zero guarantee your kids will find friends and have that nostalgic lifestyle you have in mind. Kids tend to make friends in the environment where they see the same kids every day, e.g. school. Schools serve larger areas and their friends may not be walking distance away, which puts the pressure on parents to do playdates. In urban places where public playgrounds are the only "backyards", kids can meet each other locally, but you have to forgo SFH areas with backyards to have that critical mass of families socializing outside of their homes in common areas. |
Anonymous
You didn’t grow up in a neighborhood full of kids that all played together, right? Don’t know what you missed. |
Anonymous
| Op, I’d consider yourself lucky. Dodged a bullet. |
Anonymous
| Our neighborhood is the same way and we've just made a point of setting up after school playdates with friends once or twice a week where they ride the bus home together. |
Anonymous
Honestly in talking with friends, even in neighborhoods full of kids, nobody is doing this anymore. |
Anonymous
| We were in a neighborhood full of kids, but the moms with their smartphones were unbelievable. Count yourself lucky. |
Anonymous
|
I had neighborhood friends gradually move away and it was fine. I had one stay, but then by late elementary, we were so different. I found her really critical of others and she would do manipulative things to try to get others in trouble. When I tried to drift away her parents were livid. They complained to my mother who yelled at me. Then I had to awkwardness of living in a neighborhood a few doors down from someone who's parents made it their mission to force me to re-join the friendship. The mom, who I really liked would go between trying to woo me back and just staring me down. My mother kept pressuring me. It was so uncomfortable and I was afraid to walk by their house. They still live there and even when I would come back as an adult they would come up to me and try to convince me to reach out.
Our kids don't have friends in our neighborhood and it has worked out well. They have both had friends within walking distance at some point. It makes it much easier when friendships drift. |
Anonymous
Well, my kids do this and I am so happy that we live in this neighborhood. As I am typing this, my senior has 4 of their close neighborhood friends over. These kids have known each other since they were in pre-school and watching them grow together has been amazing. My other two children have very similar friendships with kids that live within a few blocks of us. It might not be typical, but it definitely exists. That said, I agree that you shouldn't move at this point. It doesn't make sense. |
Anonymous
| It's always more difficult to have neighborhood friends when your kids are in private school. (This was the case for my kids who were in private school.) We very much wanted them to have neighborhood friends, and so my son joined the Cub Scout group at the neighborhood elementary school, and my daughter joined the swim team at the neighborhood pool. |
Anonymous
We’ve got this in Arlington but the parents also all hang and monitor the kids. I don’t see the elementary kids free roaming on bikes on side streets or in the woods like we did in the 90s. |
Anonymous
| For many reasons..and at any tax bracket or SES level.. sometimes being able to self-select friends, works out better than defaulting to the ones around you |
Anonymous
| We live in a neighborhood with lots of kids.. all go to the local school, very involved in the community. Because of the lack of sidewalks and larger lots, we don't have kids running around. My child, as most of all of the other kids have travel sports- no time for kids running around. |