No neighborhood friends for the kids
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Anonymous
| Looking for advice from people who had a childhood without neighborhood friends - is that big of a deal? Wrestling with something right now... backstory is we absolutely love our home, it is beautiful and perfect for us as a family. We love the area, and moved a year ago. Since that time, it has become apparent that our neighborhood is way more older leaning than we realized. Super nice people! But keep to themselves and are mostly empty nesters... signs we thought were kids living there when we toured like swingsets and bikes were actually for grandkids when they visit. Youngest kids are in high school. There is no one for my kids in elementary to play with. No one seems to be moving anytime soon. I think it is ok maybe because they are so busy with activities and we are physically very close to where they go to school so lots of play dates with friends from there. Also, we won't meet anyone at, say, the bus stop because they go to private. I want to stay but I also want my kids to have a fun childhood and part of that is running around with neighborhood friends... or am I putting too much value on it? They have never complained about it but I grew up on a rural farm and was lonely so I may be projecting. We as a family have a full social life otherwise so no complaints there. |
Anonymous
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How old are your kids? We moved into a neighborhood with incredible schools and when we moved in, there were almost no young kids. Then the houses started turning over as kids graduated and parents downsized, and now there are maybe 50 kids on our 20-house block. They all seem to play together.
That said, if your kids play rec sports and other activities, they might not be around much to pony Witt the neighbors anyway. |
Anonymous
| Play with the neighbors. Wtf, autocorrect?? |
Anonymous
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I lived in a neighborhood like that between the ages of 12 and 18. Fortunately, there was a good public transportation system, and I learned to use it. I had friends at school, in my old neighborhood, and in other activities that I did, and actually remain close to a neighbor who was a young mom when we moved to the neighborhood.
So, the issues will depend on the age of your kids. At 12, I was just old enough to travel independently. With younger kids you might want to arrange for more activities, and take the initiative in arranging play dates. Make your house the”fun” house, so kids will want to visit, hang out, and do sleepovers. |
Anonymous
| I lived in a neighborhood like that. I grew up in the same house that my dad grew up in, and all of our neighbors it’s were the parents of his friends growing up. The neighborhood eventually turned over but not until I was in college. It was fine. I went to private school so I wasn’t used to having neighborhood friends anyway. I don’t think it’s like the old days now where kids go out and meet up and play together for hours. My kids go to public and there are lots of kids around. Sometimes they will meet up, it most kids are so scheduled now. |
Anonymous
| We moved to the fun kids neighborhood in dc, and my kids barely have neighborhood friends. I guess we moved late- middle and high school. Many kids in our area go to private, so that’s on factor. There’s even sane aged kids in the same block who don’t socialize with ours. It’s just a different era from when we grew up riding bikes, running through yards, ringing doorbells. |
Anonymous
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Times have changed. The children of working moms are at aftercare and activities.
I know very few people who have found neighborhoods like the stereotypical vision. Your kids will be fine. You don't need to move. Middle schoolers on up mainly make friends through extracurriculars. |
Anonymous
| Thank you to everyone who responded- I was a bit triggered I suppose this past weekend when there was no one for them to play out in the snow with but they have each other. They are in second and fifth grade and get along well. They are definitely busy with sports and after school clubs, etc. It's sad in general kids don't run around like they used to - I was always so jealous of my friends who had that growing up. |
Anonymous
| I would not move for this. The window for it is so narrow, anyway. They’re going to start to make friends based on things other than proximity. |
Anonymous
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My kids' neighborhood friends are only friends because they go to school together. In ES, they played together everyday after school, but that was mostly at the school aftercare. Running around the neighborhood together started in middle school.
If yours are in private they wouldn't be part of that network anyway, except maybe through joining a sports team or scout group in the neighborhood. Still, it's not the same as going to school together. That was my DH's experience, growing up in a neighborhood with a lot of kids but being one of the few private school kids. He always felt like an outsider and insisted on going to public school in HS. It was really important to him that our kids go to the neighborhood elementary. I wouldn't move just for the off chance that another neighborhood might have a chance for friends in your street. Just prioritize making the time for the friends they make at school. |
Anonymous
I am one of the PP's. I have two boys, two years apart. We chose to raise them in a fancy townhouse community that never attracted any other families like ours. Mostly DINKS and people who had babies or toddlers moved. Our boys did snow play together in the condo greenspace. Also informal soccer and playing under trees. We have a big park with play equipment right across from our condo community. That's where they did slides, swings, bike riding, jungle gym type things. My husband and I grew up with private backyards and neighborhood kids. But don't have particularly idyllic memories. Our best friends weren't necessarily the kids who lived in walking distance. I would say that my husband and I played outdoors more. And I did a lot of flower gardening. My husband more the boring lawn chores like mowing grass and cutting hedges. As mentioned, my kids found their friends at aftercare at their elementary school. Until they became teens. At that point aftercare ended, and clubs/extracurricular friends became the main friends. Outdoor kids are mostly channeled into sports or hiking/camping with parents. Honestly, your kids do not know what an alternative life might be like and so they are not missing it. Next snowfall, maybe you get out there and do snow angels or help make the snowman. That might be just as fun. |
Anonymous
+1 we live in a neighborhood like this but they are friends from school. A lot of us walk to school and see each other, it's how we meet other parents and kids get to know each other. Kids want to do playdates on a snow day and their friends are a block away and end up playing outside. Honestly there is a location-focused investment that helps and I think it's stronger in neighborhoods where most kids go to public school. |
Anonymous
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This. The classic neighborhoods full of kids are much less common now. Our street has no other kids similar in age to our kids. It is fine. |
Anonymous
Our neighborhood is packed with kids that run door to door but there’s very few babies and we’re still DINKs so I imagine we’re going to “miss the wave” too once we have kids. Don’t see the current families who bought before 2023 leaving their 3% mortgages anytime soon to “move up.” |
Anonymous
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I feel like it’s mostly luck to hit this just right for your kids’ ages. There is greater likelihood if you move to a new subdivision with other young families at the same time.
You like your house and just moved - not worth moving again. |