Girls Trip planning - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

CA is not a weekend getaway from the east coast! I’ve done short trips for business and it’s a long flight plus 3 hour time zone change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m totally with you OP.
I feel like you could say “ I’d love to see San Francisco, would you guys be up for a tour of Alcatraz and X/Y/Z if we went there?
If they really just want to hang I’d go somewhere driving distance personally, like within a 2 hour drive.

This sounds good to me.

[Anonymous]

The last "girls trip" I was invited on was for a 50th birthday year out in the Hamptons.

I caught on pretty quickly that it was just going to be a bunch of spa appointments, with a highlight being that the one most "connected" of us was going to get all the girls invited to some in-crowd private party. Anchored by everyone trying to impress the others and lots of omg talk behind the backs of other former classmate.

I just didn't get the appeal. Absolutely not my scene, and admittedly as a 3 decade SAHM I ws getting the distinct impression that I was probably going to end up being the Debra Winger character at the fancy NYC luncheon table, the only one without a career but with the cheating husband and a teenager involved in a scandalous local story that had gone national, and I could definitely tell they wanted all that tea in person. Probably to just be able to further spread that around on the DL for their mandatory insider "stories" just to bring to more dinner parties.

I got super suspicious when there seemed to be some curious push by all of them when I hesitated for them for me to attend, I live near a local small airport and I was offered the use of a private plane to get there. A PLANE

In the end I just decided my 50th birthday present to all of them was to just let them take me apart in absentia. I couldn't think of a single thing I would have actually enjoyed about the weekend.

Also I had no one to reliably feed all my sad old lady cats lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for feedback and suggestions.
Here’s the situation.
I have two wonderful lifelong friends, we’re all in our late 40s, one is an empty nester and two of have younger kids at home. We all live in separate locations on the east coast.
We’ve done two girls trips post Covid (prior to that hadn’t traveled together for years/since having kids). One trip to Chicago, one trip to Toronto. Trips were fun in that we caught up and had lots of downtime. The problem from my perspective? Neither of these friends are interested in sightseeing, cultural attractions, museums, that sort of thing. On our long weekend trips, we spent the majority of waking hours in the hotel bar, coffee bar or a nearby restaurant. Didn’t feel like we “did” Chicago or Toronto. Did I enjoy the time together? Yes, very much. Could we have been anywhere, or even at one of our houses? Absolutely.

Current situation is that the empty nester friend is pushing to plan another girls trip. Myself and the other friend are open to it but honestly it’s just more difficult logistically for both of us, but it is doable.

I am trying to decide what to do. Empty nester is suggesting San Francisco. Sounds great but not worth flying across the country to sit in the hotel lobby and gab! I suggested a spa getaway somewhere on the east coast and that was Pooh/pooh’d as “something any of us could do anytime alone”. I suggested meeting for a staycation at empty nester’s home - we could chill on the couch, drink wine, stay up talking. That didn’t get a direct response so seems like a nonstarter.

I just don’t get it. Am I being difficult? Should I just go with the flow? Should I agree to the trip on the condition that we do something cultural each day? Should I not travel with these friends?

Welcoming any perspective here!

Just go but don’t fly across country. A good compromise is to stay at a hotel on east coast. She doesn’t want to host at her home. I get that. That means work for her! Cleaning before hand and being host. Suggest a spa on east coast or go to New York City or somewhere warmer on east coast. They want to catch up. You don’t need to see cultural things on this trip but don’t travel far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I’d just be direct about it, like others have said “I want to get together and see you guys I miss you! Is it weird though that I don’t want to fly all the way out to CA to hang out, since what we all really want to do is hang out in the hotel bar and go out to dinner and stuff? Want to do that somewhere closer to home that’s still a new city? Or I’d actually love to see SF but I know you guys aren’t as in to exploring the cities we go to and that’s totally fine - but I have this feeling I’ll be wanting to go explore SF but that means I’ll be heading out on my own which is silly because I want to spend time with you. Am I making sense??” This is probably literally what my ADHD brain would say

Why are you phrasing everything like you might be wrong or weird? That's so annoying. Just say what you want and what you don't want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A girls weekend spent relaxing over coffee and wine and going out for dinners sounds great to me. I don't do these trips often, but when I do the whole point is to catch up and have downtime together so I wouldn't want to run around doing touristy things all day. That said I also wouldn't want to fly to California for this. I think you either need to go with the flow of the group dynamic (but definitely suggest someplace closer) or skip the trip. Do your sightseeing vacations with other people who enjoy a different pace.

+1 I have a group of friends who plan a relaxing weekend each spring. The purpose of the weekend is to hang out and be comfortable. We rent an AirBnb within a 2 hour drive. It seems silly to fly all the way to CA to hang out.

[Anonymous]

it's so easy to just text 'are we thinking SF is the move bc you all want to see sights? if yes then great, if we just want to hang and not have to sightsee then maybe we just hit miami or stay closer to home as far'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’d just be direct about it, like others have said “I want to get together and see you guys I miss you! Is it weird though that I don’t want to fly all the way out to CA to hang out, since what we all really want to do is hang out in the hotel bar and go out to dinner and stuff? Want to do that somewhere closer to home that’s still a new city? Or I’d actually love to see SF but I know you guys aren’t as in to exploring the cities we go to and that’s totally fine - but I have this feeling I’ll be wanting to go explore SF but that means I’ll be heading out on my own which is silly because I want to spend time with you. Am I making sense??” This is probably literally what my ADHD brain would say

Why are you phrasing everything like you might be wrong or weird? That's so annoying. Just say what you want and what you don't want.

+1 The one friend was perfectly comfortable nixing the spa weekend. And the other friend who was voluntold to host at her home is probably just not dignifying that with a response as she wants to be on vacation too. Just tell them you'd love to visit SF if they're up for some sightseeing but if they just want to drink at the hotel bar you'd rather keep within driving distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I’d just be direct about it, like others have said “I want to get together and see you guys I miss you! Is it weird though that I don’t want to fly all the way out to CA to hang out, since what we all really want to do is hang out in the hotel bar and go out to dinner and stuff? Want to do that somewhere closer to home that’s still a new city? Or I’d actually love to see SF but I know you guys aren’t as in to exploring the cities we go to and that’s totally fine - but I have this feeling I’ll be wanting to go explore SF but that means I’ll be heading out on my own which is silly because I want to spend time with you. Am I making sense??” This is probably literally what my ADHD brain would say

Why are you phrasing everything like you might be wrong or weird? That's so annoying. Just say what you want and what you don't want.

+1 The one friend was perfectly comfortable nixing the spa weekend. And the other friend who was voluntold to host at her home is probably just not dignifying that with a response as she wants to be on vacation too. Just tell them you'd love to visit SF if they're up for some sightseeing but if they just want to drink at the hotel bar you'd rather keep within driving distance.

Is she, though? Logistically, a trip to the West Coast seems like an issue for OP — too much travel time, too expensive a ticket.

It doesn’t seem like these women have talked about what they want to get out of these trips besides hang time.

I have a couple of friend groups that both rotate getaways so it’s always in or near someone’s hometown, meaning it’s easy for them to get to. And we stay in hotels so no one has to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last "girls trip" I was invited on was for a 50th birthday year out in the Hamptons.

I caught on pretty quickly that it was just going to be a bunch of spa appointments, with a highlight being that the one most "connected" of us was going to get all the girls invited to some in-crowd private party. Anchored by everyone trying to impress the others and lots of omg talk behind the backs of other former classmate.

I just didn't get the appeal. Absolutely not my scene, and admittedly as a 3 decade SAHM I ws getting the distinct impression that I was probably going to end up being the Debra Winger character at the fancy NYC luncheon table, the only one without a career but with the cheating husband and a teenager involved in a scandalous local story that had gone national, and I could definitely tell they wanted all that tea in person. Probably to just be able to further spread that around on the DL for their mandatory insider "stories" just to bring to more dinner parties.

I got super suspicious when there seemed to be some curious push by all of them when I hesitated for them for me to attend, I live near a local small airport and I was offered the use of a private plane to get there. A PLANE

In the end I just decided my 50th birthday present to all of them was to just let them take me apart in absentia. I couldn't think of a single thing I would have actually enjoyed about the weekend.

Also I had no one to reliably feed all my sad old lady cats lol

Yeah, a spa weekend and a private plane sound AWFUL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last "girls trip" I was invited on was for a 50th birthday year out in the Hamptons.

I caught on pretty quickly that it was just going to be a bunch of spa appointments, with a highlight being that the one most "connected" of us was going to get all the girls invited to some in-crowd private party. Anchored by everyone trying to impress the others and lots of omg talk behind the backs of other former classmate.

I just didn't get the appeal. Absolutely not my scene, and admittedly as a 3 decade SAHM I ws getting the distinct impression that I was probably going to end up being the Debra Winger character at the fancy NYC luncheon table, the only one without a career but with the cheating husband and a teenager involved in a scandalous local story that had gone national, and I could definitely tell they wanted all that tea in person. Probably to just be able to further spread that around on the DL for their mandatory insider "stories" just to bring to more dinner parties.

I got super suspicious when there seemed to be some curious push by all of them when I hesitated for them for me to attend, I live near a local small airport and I was offered the use of a private plane to get there. A PLANE

In the end I just decided my 50th birthday present to all of them was to just let them take me apart in absentia. I couldn't think of a single thing I would have actually enjoyed about the weekend.

Also I had no one to reliably feed all my sad old lady cats lol

This seems like a long winded way of just saying you're fat and you've let yourself go