Girls Trip planning - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think suggesting the empty-nester's house was worth a shot, but the fact that she didn't take you up on it doesn't mean you now have to go along with big city that you won't see. How about a nice hotel in a minor city? Less expensive, more convenient, and if you miss out on the highlights of Wilmington, so be it.

Check out the National Trust's Historic Hotels

Some people need to be externally validated by travel. So they'd rather say they're going to SF. Oh this year? We went to London, SF and New Orleans.

They don't want to say "Wilmington to see a friend"
OP may have friends like that. Name brand not the quality.

[Anonymous]

5:48 again and if you do go, I agree with the suggestion to be direct and say something like San Fran sounds great. I found this wine tour or tour to Alcatraz. Would anyone be interested? Personally, I don’t like museums but would be more likely to do either of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a planning thing. When my group plans a weekend, one woman likes to have plans. The rest of us are happy to comply, but wouldn't have come up with it on our own. Just say "yay San Francisco! I've booked us a tour at X on X. Can't wait!"

Oh hell no. You are welcome to go ahead and make plans for yourself and invite others but do not sign another adult up for anything without asking first.

[Anonymous]

Tell these girls that you love them as friends, but they you’re not travel-compatible. Offer your clear boundaries and ask them to do the same. For example, you may not be willing to travel across the country to sit in a hotel room. They may not want to do touristy things, and they may want to be in a place that’s easy to fly in and out. See where there’s overlap.

If there isn’t any overlap, it’s not anyone’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound awful. The point of seeing friends is to…see friends. I would 1000% want to hang and not schlep through whatever tourist trap.

I disagree, I don't want to fly somewhere to do something I could have done from the comfort of my home. I would say something along the lines of "San Francisco sounds amazing. Since this is a trip I'm unlikely to make again, and I would really like to see San Francisco with you, I'd like to book us a couple tours on Saturday and Sunday mornings and then we can relax at the hotel all afternoon."

[Anonymous]

Op, you need to arrive days earlier or stay longer. To fit in things you want to do. If you can't take that much time, take one extra day. One extra day for yourself + take-away a day from the time together -- unless they agree, for that one day, to tag along with what you want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound awful. The point of seeing friends is to…see friends. I would 1000% want to hang and not schlep through whatever tourist trap.

You sound awful and frankly very pushy and opinionated.

Op, if they were comfortable saying that going nearby is not fun, then you should be comfortable saying that only hanging out at the bar or coffee shop is not something you want to do the entire time. Speak your mind or it will fester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you need to arrive days earlier or stay longer. To fit in things you want to do. If you can't take that much time, take one extra day. One extra day for yourself + take-away a day from the time together -- unless they agree, for that one day, to tag along with what you want to do.

No. I think OP needs to talk to her friends about what she likes and what she's willing to do with her time and money. Then she needs to see if there are ways for them to compromise in order to all be happy.

If she feels pushed into taking a trip she doesn't want to go on, the friendship will be damaged eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound awful. The point of seeing friends is to…see friends. I would 1000% want to hang and not schlep through whatever tourist trap.

Why travel then? You can do this in your own city.

[Anonymous]

If you want to see them, I would stay two days extra and plan to sightsee then.

I would also think hard about whether or not you actually want to take a trip with these women. It sounds like you don't. Which is ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell these girls that you love them as friends, but they you’re not travel-compatible. Offer your clear boundaries and ask them to do the same. For example, you may not be willing to travel across the country to sit in a hotel room. They may not want to do touristy things, and they may want to be in a place that’s easy to fly in and out. See where there’s overlap.

If there isn’t any overlap, it’s not anyone’s fault.

This is my long time friends and me

The final miserable straw that broke the camel's back was a trip to a well known city where we had to walk a long way to get to a restaurant they were raving about passing multiple iconic points of interest along the way. They just wanted to take selfie in front of some and didn't even glance at the others.

These are good people, but their priorities are different than mine. Telling them this did lead to a cooling off for several years, though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for feedback and suggestions.
Here’s the situation.
I have two wonderful lifelong friends, we’re all in our late 40s, one is an empty nester and two of have younger kids at home. We all live in separate locations on the east coast.
We’ve done two girls trips post Covid (prior to that hadn’t traveled together for years/since having kids). One trip to Chicago, one trip to Toronto. Trips were fun in that we caught up and had lots of downtime. The problem from my perspective? Neither of these friends are interested in sightseeing, cultural attractions, museums, that sort of thing. On our long weekend trips, we spent the majority of waking hours in the hotel bar, coffee bar or a nearby restaurant. Didn’t feel like we “did” Chicago or Toronto. Did I enjoy the time together? Yes, very much. Could we have been anywhere, or even at one of our houses? Absolutely.

Current situation is that the empty nester friend is pushing to plan another girls trip. Myself and the other friend are open to it but honestly it’s just more difficult logistically for both of us, but it is doable.

I am trying to decide what to do. Empty nester is suggesting San Francisco. Sounds great but not worth flying across the country to sit in the hotel lobby and gab! I suggested a spa getaway somewhere on the east coast and that was Pooh/pooh’d as “something any of us could do anytime alone”. I suggested meeting for a staycation at empty nester’s home - we could chill on the couch, drink wine, stay up talking. That didn’t get a direct response so seems like a nonstarter.

I just don’t get it. Am I being difficult? Should I just go with the flow? Should I agree to the trip on the condition that we do something cultural each day? Should I not travel with these friends?

Welcoming any perspective here!

Why not go, and take 4 hrs per day to see the things you want to? Theater, museums, gardens, etc.
then you get best of both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound awful. The point of seeing friends is to…see friends. I would 1000% want to hang and not schlep through whatever tourist trap.

Why travel then? You can do this in your own city.

It doesn’t matter. People have different interests. Friends respect them. People who speak contemptuously of other people’s interests are not friends.

[Anonymous]

Some people like to go-go-go and see every sight, others like to lounge, eat/drink, and relax on vacation. Neither is right or wrong, but you have to travel with people who have compatible vacation styles. Or alternatively agree at the outset that you will all do your own thing during the day and meet up for dinners.

[Anonymous]

I think the empty nester doesn’t want to host. If it were me, part of the trip is to get away from the house and all the cooking and cleaning.

I’d say something like, “Since we just hung out and talked on the last two trips, why do we find someplace where we can just go and hang out and eat. Like x,y, or z.”

You can look at the Venn diagram of where you all can fly direct. Then look at resorts or cities where you can stay in the restaurant district.