Girls Trip planning - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

I’m looking for feedback and suggestions.
Here’s the situation.
I have two wonderful lifelong friends, we’re all in our late 40s, one is an empty nester and two of have younger kids at home. We all live in separate locations on the east coast.
We’ve done two girls trips post Covid (prior to that hadn’t traveled together for years/since having kids). One trip to Chicago, one trip to Toronto. Trips were fun in that we caught up and had lots of downtime. The problem from my perspective? Neither of these friends are interested in sightseeing, cultural attractions, museums, that sort of thing. On our long weekend trips, we spent the majority of waking hours in the hotel bar, coffee bar or a nearby restaurant. Didn’t feel like we “did” Chicago or Toronto. Did I enjoy the time together? Yes, very much. Could we have been anywhere, or even at one of our houses? Absolutely.

Current situation is that the empty nester friend is pushing to plan another girls trip. Myself and the other friend are open to it but honestly it’s just more difficult logistically for both of us, but it is doable.

I am trying to decide what to do. Empty nester is suggesting San Francisco. Sounds great but not worth flying across the country to sit in the hotel lobby and gab! I suggested a spa getaway somewhere on the east coast and that was Pooh/pooh’d as “something any of us could do anytime alone”. I suggested meeting for a staycation at empty nester’s home - we could chill on the couch, drink wine, stay up talking. That didn’t get a direct response so seems like a nonstarter.

I just don’t get it. Am I being difficult? Should I just go with the flow? Should I agree to the trip on the condition that we do something cultural each day? Should I not travel with these friends?

Welcoming any perspective here!

[Anonymous]

You sound awful. The point of seeing friends is to…see friends. I would 1000% want to hang and not schlep through whatever tourist trap.

[Anonymous]

If they are good friends, you can say what you said here - that you didn't feel like you "did" Chicago and Toronto by just hanging out which you could do anywhere (just like your friend was comfortable saying a spa is something they could do anytime). And that you'd be interested in SF but it's not worth it to fly there just to sit around, so you want to plan excursions (give them a list).

You have to decide if you're willing to go alone on the excursions if they're not interested. Or maybe you could bring another friend or a relative along (an older daughter?) who wants to do those things. You can spend days doing "stuff" and mornings/evenings with the friends.

[Anonymous]

It's just a planning thing. When my group plans a weekend, one woman likes to have plans. The rest of us are happy to comply, but wouldn't have come up with it on our own. Just say "yay San Francisco! I've booked us a tour at X on X. Can't wait!"

[Anonymous]

I get where you’re coming from. Weird to go all the way to SF and not do anything fun in the city. They might have a different approach. Maybe to them going out to eat or grabbing coffee is “seeing” SF.

I would have liked your ideas. Fun girls trips I’ve done -

Charleston (good mix of hanging out at the Airbnb but also doing a tour and going out to eat)
Outer Banks - lots of hanging out but also spending an afternoon shopping at those cute local stores
Broadmoor in Colorado

[Anonymous]

I’m totally with you OP.
I feel like you could say “ I’d love to see San Francisco, would you guys be up for a tour of Alcatraz and X/Y/Z if we went there?
If they really just want to hang I’d go somewhere driving distance personally, like within a 2 hour drive.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you suggest one activity, “I would really love to do x to mix things up.”

I don’t really enjoy museums with other people because I like to absorb everything. Maybe find an activity that’s easier to be sociable like a walking tour or food tour?

[Anonymous]

That would annoy me. There should be a middle ground of sight-seeing during the day and catching up at night. It wouldn't be worth the time and money for me to just sit around.

[Anonymous]

I would go along to whatever destination. And then pick one site to see each day and invite your friends along. Sometimes a group just needs a person to take initiative. And if they decide they don’t want to go, they can relax at the hotel while you explore. No big deal. Have a wonderful trip!

[Anonymous]

I like to do one thing in the AM and one in the PM and spend the rest of the time lounging around. One of my friends likes to lounge and drink. Another likes to run around doing things non-stop.

You need to travel with people who are at the same pace you are. I can get through a museum in an hour, but a friend of mine takes 4-5 hours to get through the same museum.

If your friends just want to sit around and drink, maybe go to SF two days before them on your own and "do" stuff, and then chill with them when they get there.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage you to stay home & save your $$……this is the most practical answer of course.

Or you could agree to travel, but jokingly say only on the condition that your friends join you to do some sightseeing.
If they still do not want to participate in that - - would you be okay venturing out on your own??

[Anonymous]

Maybe a beach/warm weather location? Toes in the sand and sun on your face sounds good right now 🌞

[Anonymous]

I like to have planned activities. We will usually have workout classes set, will go for long walks in the morning, will walk around the town and shop, and hang. I’ve been on many girls trips with my group of 7 other women. Best ones - were from all over the US - include:

Miami - this would be great for you all. Pool time, beach time, great restaurants etc. shopping, art scene.

Charleston - great walking, tours, restaurants, shopping. We’ve also done Kiawah Island, great for beach, bike riding, nice restaurants, walks, spa.

LA - great hotels, shopping, scene, art, restaurants.

Napa - wine tasting, bike riding, walks, amazing restaurants, work out classes.

[Anonymous]

I think suggesting the empty-nester's house was worth a shot, but the fact that she didn't take you up on it doesn't mean you now have to go along with big city that you won't see. How about a nice hotel in a minor city? Less expensive, more convenient, and if you miss out on the highlights of Wilmington, so be it.

Check out the National Trust's Historic Hotels

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people don’t travel well together. This could be the three of you. I wouldn’t want to get together with long time friends and go to a museum or run all around a city. That’s not the point of the weekend. And that’s okay! I doing all of that with family vacations but with this, I’d want to plan nothing except maybe a couple dinners or brunches. It’s a time to catch up.

So maybe you don’t do another weekend if it’s not worth the travel cost to you to fly out to another city if you actually want to see the city.