Jealous of a friends’ kids’ extracurricular

[Anonymous]

There are many different paths to great outcomes for our kids and for ourselves.

Sounds like you took one path on behalf of her child and you took a different path.

Stop trying to guess and compare where these two paths will lead.

Just focus on your own kid - and your own life. What’s a next right choice for DC and for you.

Hint: There are SO many next right choices from which to choose. But ruminating about your past decisions and guessing/obsessing about hypothetical future outcomes are NOT on that long list.

[Anonymous]

The three languages part is not the primary issue here.

The primary issue is OP’s ongoing jealousy. It’s right there in the title of the thread.

Clearly OP is disturbed by their feelings of jealousy and regret.

Theres nothing wrong with these feelings - or any others. Feelings are normal. They come and go.

There’s only a problem if the feelings cause you to act in ways that are harmful, either impulsively or via rumination.

Sounds like you’re suffering a lot, OP, as a result of being stuck in a couple of specific feelings. Thats the harmful part - the rumination and intrusive thoughts.

Find a way to let go of the stuck feelings of jealousy and regret that are weighing you down. Lots of great advice on this thread about how to do that.

If you want to do a little reading, there’s easily accessible articles and books about various methods: CBT, ACT, mindfulness/meditation, intense exercise.

Get off DCUM and try something new to help yourself.

[Anonymous]

I am curious which 2 other languages we are talking here, other than English?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are bilingual and take our home in high school at one level higher than most peers and are doing well. Our friends, also with bilingual kids, enrolled their children in a Saturday language school, where the kids get what is essentially a second high school diploma from the home country. This has allowed their children to take a different language in school, meaning their kids are trilingual and they have a truly impressive extracurricular that shows commitment (the language school is intense) and has shaped their children’s entire narrative (the kid volunteered for a summer in the home country, has an internship next summer with an developing markets investment firm focusing on a part of the world using our language, etc.

I’m just kicking myself because if I had thought through this 10 years ago, I feel my child would be in a much better position college application wise. These friends had asked if we would be interested in doing the Saturday school with them, but it conflicted with sports and travel and our kid plays hs soccer but certainly isn’t going to get recruited.

Just a vent, but feeling like my past self let my high schooler down.

Was this the German school (DSW) in Potomac?

No I bet it’s Escuela Argentina. It’s the only school I know where you can actually earn a high school diploma from that country. It’s certified by the Ministry of Education in Argentina.

Yup. The French Saturday School in Bethesda encourages students to take the DELF B2 exam, a French national exam, and you get a diploma for that, but it's not a high school degree - it's just a French proficiency degree.

You could also just do one of the French immersion programs like the ones offered at some FCPS schools.

No, that's just what I wanted to avoid (we're in MCPS and they have a similar program). Public school classes offer only the language, completely separated from its culture, history and literature. In the weekend native language schools, you get teachers from the country who teach with the country's methods (for the French school, they even give the kids the special French school paper), and even though it may just be billed as a "language" course, the teachers work with imported schoolbooks from the native country; and insert by themselves all kinds of historical and cultural facts into the class. This is not something FCPS and MCPS can do, since they have their own, American criteria for their immersion classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious which 2 other languages we are talking here, other than English?

The obvious world languages would be Spanish and French, possibly Arabic if they are from that region, possibly also - to a much less degree Russian. Mandarin is they want to move back to China or anticipate Chinese world domination. I’m guessing OP is of Asian descent but from France - so French and Spanish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are bilingual and take our home in high school at one level higher than most peers and are doing well. Our friends, also with bilingual kids, enrolled their children in a Saturday language school, where the kids get what is essentially a second high school diploma from the home country. This has allowed their children to take a different language in school, meaning their kids are trilingual and they have a truly impressive extracurricular that shows commitment (the language school is intense) and has shaped their children’s entire narrative (the kid volunteered for a summer in the home country, has an internship next summer with an developing markets investment firm focusing on a part of the world using our language, etc.

I’m just kicking myself because if I had thought through this 10 years ago, I feel my child would be in a much better position college application wise. These friends had asked if we would be interested in doing the Saturday school with them, but it conflicted with sports and travel and our kid plays hs soccer but certainly isn’t going to get recruited.

Just a vent, but feeling like my past self let my high schooler down.

Was this the German school (DSW) in Potomac?

No I bet it’s Escuela Argentina. It’s the only school I know where you can actually earn a high school diploma from that country. It’s certified by the Ministry of Education in Argentina.

My kids first language is Spanish, so we considered La Escuela Argentina, since I knew a few teachers at the school. We are not Argentinian, but had heard great things about the program.

However, once my eldest started playing peewee soccer, and LOVED the game, there was no way we would give it up for Saturday language school. Plus, the commute was a bit much for is as well. Both my kids took AP Spanish junior year, and their Spanish skills are good enough to go back to our home countries and carry on conversations. I always text them in Spanish, just to keep their reading skills up.

Yeah, it would have been nice for them to start French or German in middle school, but their Catholic school only offered Spanish anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are bilingual and take our home in high school at one level higher than most peers and are doing well. Our friends, also with bilingual kids, enrolled their children in a Saturday language school, where the kids get what is essentially a second high school diploma from the home country. This has allowed their children to take a different language in school, meaning their kids are trilingual and they have a truly impressive extracurricular that shows commitment (the language school is intense) and has shaped their children’s entire narrative (the kid volunteered for a summer in the home country, has an internship next summer with an developing markets investment firm focusing on a part of the world using our language, etc.

I’m just kicking myself because if I had thought through this 10 years ago, I feel my child would be in a much better position college application wise. These friends had asked if we would be interested in doing the Saturday school with them, but it conflicted with sports and travel and our kid plays hs soccer but certainly isn’t going to get recruited.

Just a vent, but feeling like my past self let my high schooler down.

Was this the German school (DSW) in Potomac?

No I bet it’s Escuela Argentina. It’s the only school I know where you can actually earn a high school diploma from that country. It’s certified by the Ministry of Education in Argentina.

Yup. The French Saturday School in Bethesda encourages students to take the DELF B2 exam, a French national exam, and you get a diploma for that, but it's not a high school degree - it's just a French proficiency degree.

You could also just do one of the French immersion programs like the ones offered at some FCPS schools.

No, that's just what I wanted to avoid (we're in MCPS and they have a similar program). Public school classes offer only the language, completely separated from its culture, history and literature. In the weekend native language schools, you get teachers from the country who teach with the country's methods (for the French school, they even give the kids the special French school paper), and even though it may just be billed as a "language" course, the teachers work with imported schoolbooks from the native country; and insert by themselves all kinds of historical and cultural facts into the class. This is not something FCPS and MCPS can do, since they have their own, American criteria for their immersion classes.

The French lined school paper! I am not a French speaker, but did teach at an international school that had adopted the French handwriting system for the whole school. That was a nightmare!

[Anonymous]

Op here and these responses have been quite helpful. I’m certainly not despondent about this, and don’t think about it all the time to the point that I can’t appreciate what my child does have going for him, but I just feel silly that my friend made one choice that seems to have made everything relatively easier for her kid and in hindsight, I wish we had made the same choice. Our kid could have hated it and insisted on stopping, which would’ve been fine, but it really does seem like the kind of activity that can help distinguish a student in a universe where it’s otherwise quite difficult to do so.

And yes, the languages are French and Spanish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Physical education & exercise should help your son grow & function with a very clear head.

Sitting in a classroom staring at a computer screen for an extra day each week may do as much harm as it might help an individual.

+1

Sports had this effect for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are bilingual and take our home in high school at one level higher than most peers and are doing well. Our friends, also with bilingual kids, enrolled their children in a Saturday language school, where the kids get what is essentially a second high school diploma from the home country. This has allowed their children to take a different language in school, meaning their kids are trilingual and they have a truly impressive extracurricular that shows commitment (the language school is intense) and has shaped their children’s entire narrative (the kid volunteered for a summer in the home country, has an internship next summer with an developing markets investment firm focusing on a part of the world using our language, etc.

I’m just kicking myself because if I had thought through this 10 years ago, I feel my child would be in a much better position college application wise. These friends had asked if we would be interested in doing the Saturday school with them, but it conflicted with sports and travel and our kid plays hs soccer but certainly isn’t going to get recruited.

Just a vent, but feeling like my past self let my high schooler down.

Was this the German school (DSW) in Potomac?

No I bet it’s Escuela Argentina. It’s the only school I know where you can actually earn a high school diploma from that country. It’s certified by the Ministry of Education in Argentina.

Yup. The French Saturday School in Bethesda encourages students to take the DELF B2 exam, a French national exam, and you get a diploma for that, but it's not a high school degree - it's just a French proficiency degree.

You could also just do one of the French immersion programs like the ones offered at some FCPS schools.

No, that's just what I wanted to avoid (we're in MCPS and they have a similar program). Public school classes offer only the language, completely separated from its culture, history and literature. In the weekend native language schools, you get teachers from the country who teach with the country's methods (for the French school, they even give the kids the special French school paper), and even though it may just be billed as a "language" course, the teachers work with imported schoolbooks from the native country; and insert by themselves all kinds of historical and cultural facts into the class. This is not something FCPS and MCPS can do, since they have their own, American criteria for their immersion classes.

The French lined school paper! I am not a French speaker, but did teach at an international school that had adopted the French handwriting system for the whole school. That was a nightmare!

PP you replied to. You don't like it? I love it. It's so structured and neat. You know exactly where to write. Also it's pretty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here and these responses have been quite helpful. I’m certainly not despondent about this, and don’t think about it all the time to the point that I can’t appreciate what my child does have going for him, but I just feel silly that my friend made one choice that seems to have made everything relatively easier for her kid and in hindsight, I wish we had made the same choice. Our kid could have hated it and insisted on stopping, which would’ve been fine, but it really does seem like the kind of activity that can help distinguish a student in a universe where it’s otherwise quite difficult to do so.

And yes, the languages are French and Spanish.

Nobody makes the perfect choice every time.

Literally, it’s ok to do something that turns out to be less than ideal.

Let. It. Go.

Not just for your own mental health. Do it for your kid.

You may think you’re hiding it, but no doubt he’s aware of how you feel. Unless he’s 100% clueless, it is likely to plant doubt in his mind about his path.

It’s also an example of poor modeling.

Kids who grow up seeing their parents dwell on their imperfect choices often grow up thinking perfection is the goal and anything less is a disaster or failure.
It’s a one-way ticket to risk-aversion and anxiety.

The best thing to do now: Let. It. Go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious which 2 other languages we are talking here, other than English?

Xhosa and Taa

[Anonymous]

My child is in a Saturday language school and I think this will be the last year (8th grade). There's an average of 3 hours of homework per week on top of half a Saturday sitting in a classroom. It really does take away from doing other things. Plus my child is starting to rebel and I don’t want him to hate the language.
As for internships in the home country, those require having connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are bilingual and take our home in high school at one level higher than most peers and are doing well. Our friends, also with bilingual kids, enrolled their children in a Saturday language school, where the kids get what is essentially a second high school diploma from the home country. This has allowed their children to take a different language in school, meaning their kids are trilingual and they have a truly impressive extracurricular that shows commitment (the language school is intense) and has shaped their children’s entire narrative (the kid volunteered for a summer in the home country, has an internship next summer with an developing markets investment firm focusing on a part of the world using our language, etc.

I’m just kicking myself because if I had thought through this 10 years ago, I feel my child would be in a much better position college application wise. These friends had asked if we would be interested in doing the Saturday school with them, but it conflicted with sports and travel and our kid plays hs soccer but certainly isn’t going to get recruited.

Just a vent, but feeling like my past self let my high schooler down.

I think it is a good cautionary tale. Immigrants should make a serious attempt to make sure that their kids do not lose their native language. Mastery in the native language will open opportunities for them for rest of their lives.

When non-English speakers become American citizens, they should strive for double benefit of getting the best of the American experience and getting the best of their country of origin experience. That way they are in a position to give to themselves and also this country. Don't lose your natural heritage.

It doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. You kid is likely to rarely us it.

I completely disagree. Being fluent in other languages means that a whole new world of job opportunities, culture, art, literature, theatre, cinema opens up for you.

Its like saying that sports or music lessons are a waste because you will rarely use it. LOL.

NP.

I think it’s good to be bilingual and plus, it can help later.

Our kid is still a toddler but she’s going to be bilingual in my wife’s language (it’s an Asian language). She talks with DD and she understands it ok.

Not wasting our Saturdays (plus all that $$) on an unnecessary language school. Some of you folks seem kinda over the top, TBH.

Careful, your kid is a toddler.

Once she hits school, she'll end up like me. I can understand rudimentary heritage language but am by no means bilingual.

Unless you actively pursue the language, she will lose it. That's usually how it works out. Not saying you should. My parents didn't and I have no regrets.

+2 It takes a lot of work to be truely fluent. My spouse was raised in the US with his mother speaking to him in the native language and while he understands the language, he doesn't speak it well (he always answered his mom in English). He also has difficulty understanding news broadcasts in the language.

[Anonymous]

Both DCs quit a weekend foreign language (my native tongue) program while in elementary school. We have friends whose kids went all the way through 12th grade w that program. My kids did just fine with college admission without having that third language (they both took AP French in their high school). My kids chose to spend their weekends doing travel sport, going to tournaments and performing in music recitals. They are both accomplished and successful now as young adults.

Comparing your kids’ journey with that of others is a frivolous endeavor. It is not a “one size fits all” scenario. I see a lot of parents in my community behave the way you do. They are constantly chasing after niche activities that have made a few kids successful. By the time they all flock to that activity and enroll their kids in it, that said activity is no longer the niche it once was. They then pivot to chase after a new niche “thing”. While doing this, they never once ask their own kids if that activity is the right fit. This makes for miserable kids and a miserable family life.