Parents who are overwhelmed with one or two kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Op - I am not a troll. When I am working kids are either in daycare or school. When they arent in school I take care of them.

lol I’m Catholic and I’m from a big family and I know big families.

Mom is not doing anything. The older kids take care of the younger kids. The other kids raised themselves like feral animals.

It’s easy cause you’re not doing it.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a super common thought - I hear it all the time - why is this. mom stretched so thin with one kid? what could that single co worker possibly have to do on Christmas? And I don't get it at all. Everything is not contest. Worry about something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

They have a nanny, housekeeper, yard service and babysitters. It’s easy to have that attitude with a lot of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Op - I am not a troll. When I am working kids are either in daycare or school. When they arent in school I take care of them.

Then you have a very easy 9-5 job and help. Yea you. But, that’s not everyone. I never had help. Try having a special needs child in multiple therapies a day and caring for an in-law in your home with dementia with no hired help and let me know how easy it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I had one and was overwhelmed, I thought something was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me. In my experience:

1) having a lazy, inept, ADHD, AuDHD, or workaholic DH can make one child overwhelming because you really have two children and one of them creates a huge amount of work. And it’s not the baby.

2) when you have more than one kid, it’s often deliberate even if it’s unconscious because you have extra hands and a village so you know you can handle it. I don’t know anyone with more than 2 kids who doesn’t have local grandparents, a nanny, local adult siblings, and who grew up nearby so has long term friends and an extended network to lean on. Everyone I know with an only is a transplant or their parents are dead.

3) if you ask for help with one kid, people give you a hard time. If you ask for help with multiple kids, everyone steps up many times over because they think you deserve than help. Comments like “it must be so easy having just one” come in hard and fast from day 1 and as a mom of an only you learn fast than you’ll receive social censure or pushback if you express needing help with your only.

This, people are not as helpful when you have one or are like op and say you only have one and dump theirs on you but never help you. There is a terrible reason why we only have one. Dont assume one is always by choice and not talking about infertility

[Anonymous]

Having one is a ton of time because you are ‘it’ to play all games, talk, hang out, etc. This is in addition to food, tutoring, parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

NOOOOOOOOO. Not even close. I had one with colic who needed to be bottle fed and one without colic who I EBF. Completely different experience. You clearly produce easy kids and that’s great for you, but my two experiences were like NIGHT and DAY.

[Anonymous]

I mean, my friend had preemie twins who ended up in the NICU and one needed a feeding tube for a period. Feeding tubes are incredibly difficult. She was so medically fragile in that first year. So we brought food, and cleaned their house and did what we could.

You were lucky. Be happy you were lucky. If your friend is struggling, give them support and not judgment.

[Anonymous]

Fertility treatments. Preemie in the NICU. Infant with severe reflux who would not sleep. Strained marriage from all the stress. Constant overstimulation for 5+ years. I’m all good with my one!! I certainly could have “handled” more but now my one is 7 and we’re having a blast and we have no regrets. You can’t convince me my quality of life would be better with more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Op - I am not a troll. When I am working kids are either in daycare or school. When they arent in school I take care of them.

lol I’m Catholic and I’m from a big family and I know big families.

Mom is not doing anything. The older kids take care of the younger kids. The other kids raised themselves like feral animals.

It’s easy cause you’re not doing it.

This.

If you take it easy, it doesn't matter whether you have one child or five.

[Anonymous]

My mom was super judgmental about easy children were until #3 was 5ish. She was a complete nightmare, required an extremely heavy hand, and none of my mom's prior parenting methods worked. She shaved years off all of our lives and is frankly still a terror. I must say, it felt karmic because my mom was so smug and self-righteous about her hands-off parenting approach.

[Anonymous]

You’re mean. Be glad you didn’t struggle/don’t struggle. Guess you’re better than the rest of us. But you’re still mean. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Some day you’ll find out and you’ll think back to this post and you’ll be humbled.

[Anonymous]

I broke a leg running to these comments and they don’t disappoint. Brava!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM?

Op here - no I work full time. And yes I realize for the most part my kids are easy but kids, especially newborns through toddler years are all sort of the same. They demand a lot and are physically taxing.

Again I would never say this out loud (hence the anonymous board post) but I still think. I have done solo trips and outings with my kids since they were babies.

If you work full time, how are you doing "75% of things" with the kids when "DH is in the office."

Are you a troll, OP? I smell a troll...

Op - I am not a troll. When I am working kids are either in daycare or school. When they arent in school I take care of them.

lol I’m Catholic and I’m from a big family and I know big families.

Mom is not doing anything. The older kids take care of the younger kids. The other kids raised themselves like feral animals.

It’s easy cause you’re not doing it.

Yeah this tracks. Parenting can be really really easy if you just don’t do it.

I am a single mom to one fairly easy kid and I’m pretty tired but I put forth a lot of effort in parenting.

[Anonymous]

I don't think parents are overwhelmed.

The most lowest basic expectation they have of fathers on this board is that he can single handedly manage however many kids they have alone without any support or help, without getting stressed or overwhelmed, without asking questions, and able to go places and do things and keep everything at home running perfectly.

Since that is the basic expectation for men that women on here have and they feel they are many times over better parents than any man can ever be, it doesn't make sense that a mother would ever feel overwhelmed or need help or be stressed by her kids. They scoff at any man who isn't able to do everything by himself perfectly.