What’s the etiquette on receiving expensive gifts that you don’t care for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s only making $350k, it’s highly unlikely he has enough to retire in 4 years unless he sold a company for millions or something.

I agree he does not actually sound good with money (buying expensive things people don’t want is wasteful, even if you can technically “afford” it.)

Kids are expensive, especially childcare and college educations. You two need to get on the same page and once the baby arrives he’s going to need to start caring about what you think and want more than he currently does. He sounds like a steamroller.

He has a lot of bitcoin and investments. He’s also has a few properties as well. His dad retired at 45 as well from his investments.

I do agree that I need him to understand that spending money on frivolous things now that the baby is on the way is a no-go. I appreciate that he wants to give me “just because” gifts, so I think a conversation on spending limits needs to be had as well.

The problem is it is HIS MONEY. He can do whatever he wants. What are your childcare plans for the baby when you return to work? We’ll wait.

We both work from home and live close by to our families. So, they’ve agreed to watch the baby as needed.

[Anonymous]

I think you should be (politely) honest with your house if he is missing the mark. I would want to know! After a few years DH stopped exchanging. It was just not important to either of us. Occasionally we might see the perfect thing and buy it but otherwise it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re having a baby with a guy you’re not married to who is delusional about money and how much it takes to retire comfortably.

A lot of sketchy details, yes. I'm trying to picture this couple and their lives. If OP is real, and it's a big if, she has bigger problems than the unwanted gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anywho.

You do know that’s one of your tells, don’t you?

I do now lol.

Ugh.

Folks, I'm pretty sure this is OP admitting to making things up ^^. On the regular around here.

If I’m going to make t
something up it would be a lot more interesting than gift receiving etiquette….

Mmm hmmm. Ok.

[Anonymous]

That bag is a perfect size for a personal item on a plane or yes, for a diaper bag that doesn't shriek kawai.
You also could donate it to a charity raffle or just to a charity thrift store. Or give it to a relative or friend who likes bags.
Your DH likes to give gifts. So as mentioned above, when he asks tell him something you want.
He probably likes to get them too.
DCUM may think his $300k+ income isn't much. Well. It is. $500 isn't going to change your future one way or the other. If you are nesting you may feel a need to stockpile every nut that crosses your path, but this is not a nuthill to die on.

[Anonymous]

That's a nice bag. It's great for a lot of uses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s only making $350k, it’s highly unlikely he has enough to retire in 4 years unless he sold a company for millions or something.

I agree he does not actually sound good with money (buying expensive things people don’t want is wasteful, even if you can technically “afford” it.)

Kids are expensive, especially childcare and college educations. You two need to get on the same page and once the baby arrives he’s going to need to start caring about what you think and want more than he currently does. He sounds like a steamroller.

He has a lot of bitcoin and investments. He’s also has a few properties as well. His dad retired at 45 as well from his investments.

I do agree that I need him to understand that spending money on frivolous things now that the baby is on the way is a no-go. I appreciate that he wants to give me “just because” gifts, so I think a conversation on spending limits needs to be had as well.

The problem is it is HIS MONEY. He can do whatever he wants. What are your childcare plans for the baby when you return to work? We’ll wait.

We both work from home and live close by to our families. So, they’ve agreed to watch the baby as needed.

As needed? If you work 8-5 M-F then you need care 8-5pm

Again OP, what is your age relative to the father? It sounds like he is digging in for control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have bigger fish to fry.

This. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he has shown you he has zero respect for what you've been telling him. And when you try to hold firm on how you feel, he calls you rude instead accepting any wrongdoing on his part. You need to sit down and take a hard look at your relationship before you buy a house together.

Exactly this. Trust us because we are speaking from experience. This man doesn’t care about your opinion and doesn’t respect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s only making $350k, it’s highly unlikely he has enough to retire in 4 years unless he sold a company for millions or something.

I agree he does not actually sound good with money (buying expensive things people don’t want is wasteful, even if you can technically “afford” it.)

Kids are expensive, especially childcare and college educations. You two need to get on the same page and once the baby arrives he’s going to need to start caring about what you think and want more than he currently does. He sounds like a steamroller.

He has a lot of bitcoin and investments. He’s also has a few properties as well. His dad retired at 45 as well from his investments.

I do agree that I need him to understand that spending money on frivolous things now that the baby is on the way is a no-go. I appreciate that he wants to give me “just because” gifts, so I think a conversation on spending limits needs to be had as well.

The problem is it is HIS MONEY. He can do whatever he wants. What are your childcare plans for the baby when you return to work? We’ll wait.

We both work from home and live close by to our families. So, they’ve agreed to watch the baby as needed.

As needed? If you work 8-5 M-F then you need care 8-5pm

Again OP, what is your age relative to the father? It sounds like he is digging in for control.

My schedule is pretty relaxed. I schedule my meetings and calls, and I spend most of my days sourcing (I'm in business development). My job is pretty flexible, and they don't check when I'm online. As long as I get my work done, all is good, so yes, as needed.

He's a year older than me.

[Anonymous]

That’s a fairly classic bag. Keep it. You may use it some day.

[Anonymous]

You are pregnant with his mans baby?! You don't know anything about each other this is so odd it has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re having a baby with a guy you’re not married to who is delusional about money and how much it takes to retire comfortably.

Yeah how much money does he have saved that he thinks he can retire in a few years?

[Anonymous]

Dude is going to spend money on himself while you're home with a baby screaming that it needs diapers.

[Anonymous]

I’m bored I’ll play:

What is your relationship like with his family and visa versa?

[Anonymous]

Meh. I have this problem in my relationship. I've been married 17 years; we have 3 children. Our assets are all co-mingled; there are no separate bank accounts. We have a very good relationship.

However, the gift thing is such a perennial sore spot in our relationship! And it's rearing its head again thanks to Christmas.

My husband loves giving flashy gifts. He loves the whole process of choosing gifts and really devotes a lot of time and energy to doing so. They are often expensive items that I would not choose for myself.

I am super practical, have been since I was a child. In my view, gifts are for the person receiving them, not for the person giving them. I provide lists, and I want receipts so I can return things. I have trouble feigning gratitude when it's not something I want.

This creates sadness, disappointment, and lots of fights. I can tell I have worn my husband down, and it's unfair!

I continue (pretty unsuccessfully, if I'm honest), to consider my reaction to his gifts as my gift to him. (I'm feeling pretty badly about a fight we had just this morning, in fact).

Just trying to offer a different perspective.