What’s the etiquette on receiving expensive gifts that you don’t care for?

[Anonymous]

Has he once said anything about getting something that you like? Not a particular item, but in a general sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he once said anything about getting something that you like? Not a particular item, but in a general sense.

He has. He did say in this conversation that I’m hard to shop for but he’s still learning on what I like exactly and that he’ll get better with time.

[Anonymous]

You have your blinders on. We all see the red flags.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you’ll never use the bag. I think that’s a good gift personally. Diaper bag, over night bag when traveling, taking when you go for a day out somewhere.
I think you need to just say thank you and move on. Youre being unappreciative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he once said anything about getting something that you like? Not a particular item, but in a general sense.

He has. He did say in this conversation that I’m hard to shop for but he’s still learning on what I like exactly and that he’ll get better with time.

You're about to have a baby with him and buy a house with him but he's still "learning what you like"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

You in danger, girl.

[Anonymous]

If you're about to have a baby and buy a house together, maybe he should be buying you an engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you’ll never use the bag. I think that’s a good gift personally. Diaper bag, over night bag when traveling, taking when you go for a day out somewhere.
I think you need to just say thank you and move on. Youre being unappreciative.

He said himself he knows she doesn’t really like purses. Why would you get something that someone doesn’t like? Coupled with the trauma attached to it? That’s not being unappreciative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

You in danger, girl.

Seriously. Don’t let him control the finances. What both of you earn now is marital property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he once said anything about getting something that you like? Not a particular item, but in a general sense.

He has. He did say in this conversation that I’m hard to shop for but he’s still learning on what I like exactly and that he’ll get better with time.

You're about to have a baby with him and buy a house with him but he's still "learning what you like"?

My husband and I have been together for 30 years. He knows I life coffee. He knows I love a ribeye steak. He knows I love heels. He knows I love large purses. Last year for Christmas he gave me a fuzzy pink house granny slippers….

People are bad at giving gifts. He has yet to learn what I like for gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

You in danger, girl.

Ehh, I’m not that worried about this part. He doesn’t like me paying for dinners, trips, etc. For property, or any major purchases or investments we’ve already discussed I will be contributing and my name will be on things.

I will never be at stay at home mom. Will maintain my own account and we have a joint separate house and savings account. I don’t believe in not having your own and letting someone have 100% say in finances, especially as a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same etiquette regarding gifts you do want to receive. Say "thank you."

You had your chance to tell him what to get you, and you passed on it with this "let's just save for the baby" stuff. You should have picked out something relatively inexpensive that you would actually like, because you know he's going to do this.

At any rate, agree with PP that you seem to have bigger problems.

I didn’t pick anything because we weren’t supposed to exchange gifts.

What’s the bigger fish to fry?

Well, you were the only one who thought and felt that you "weren't supposed to exchange gifts." Clearly the thought differently.

And that is the "bigger fish." If you need it spelled out more for you, there probably isn't much hope for you, with this guy or another, but I'll do it anyway: your communication with this man is well below par and that is a recipe for a failed relationship (at best).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

You in danger, girl.

Ehh, I’m not that worried about this part. He doesn’t like me paying for dinners, trips, etc. For property, or any major purchases or investments we’ve already discussed I will be contributing and my name will be on things.

I will never be at stay at home mom. Will maintain my own account and we have a joint separate house and savings account. I don’t believe in not having your own and letting someone have 100% say in finances, especially as a woman.

If he's so traditional why isn't he wifing you up?