What’s the etiquette on receiving expensive gifts that you don’t care for?

Anonymous
My SO makes significantly more money than I do, so he gives expensive gifts, something I’m not particularly used to.

In the spring he got himself a pair of meta glasses, then went on to buy 2 more within a months time span because he liked them so much. He sent me a pair as well as a surprise, but sunglasses this time. Besides the fact that I’m not into that kind of stuff they were just plain bulky and unattractive. I told him thank you but he should get his money back as I knew I wouldn’t use them and didn’t want his money to go to waste. He kept telling me to keep them but I reminded him that I’m not into tech stuff and don’t wear sunglasses and felt bad that he spent so much on something I know I wouldn’t use. He finally gave in and I returned them.

Fast forward, to now. I asked him weeks ago if he had an idea about what he wanted for Christmas. He said don’t get him anything. I frowned and he said he’s already getting what he wants this year (I’m newly pregnant). I told him not to get me anything either and we’ll save the money for the baby and getting a new home (we need to move for more space). He got a package sent to my parent’s house because we live downtown and the mailman will leave packages outside. Anywho, it got lost so he decided to show me what he ordered. He ordered me this $500 purse. It’s kind of big, almost like a small duffle IMO. He said yesterday, “Yea, I’m a great gift giver because I get people something I know that I would get for myself”. I told him yesterday thank you, I appreciated it but it wasn’t my style because it’s fairly large.

We found out today that unfortunately, you can’t return or exchange. Just like the Meta glasses I told him I felt bad and I wonder if he’s sister in law would like to buy it. He said for me to keep it and I told him I knew I wouldn’t use it. He said, “yea, you don’t seem that big on purses”. I told him no, especially after I got robbed a few years ago (I got a fractured skull), so I only carry 1 small purse. I showed him the sizes of purses that do like and said, “this is why you have to get people what they like, not what you like”. Probably shouldn’t have said that, I admit”. He told me that I was rude and I should just say thank you and accept gifts, even if I don’t like it. He said I should’ve just accepted the Meta glasses too. I told him if they weren’t so expensive I would buy when they’re that expensive and I know I wouldn’t use them I don’t want him to waste his money. He told me they’re expensive to me but not to him and that he gives gifts without any expectations, so I should just zip it.

So, what’s the etiquette in receiving expensive gifts?
Anonymous
Etiquette on*
Anonymous
You have bigger fish to fry.
Anonymous
Maybe you can use it as a diaper bag!
Anonymous
It depends, but in your case it sounds like you’d be best off accepting the gift without any negative comments. In the future, consider asking him for specific gifts if you don’t care to be surprised.
Anonymous
The same etiquette regarding gifts you do want to receive. Say "thank you."

You had your chance to tell him what to get you, and you passed on it with this "let's just save for the baby" stuff. You should have picked out something relatively inexpensive that you would actually like, because you know he's going to do this.

At any rate, agree with PP that you seem to have bigger problems.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:You have bigger fish to fry.


This. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he has shown you he has zero respect for what you've been telling him. And when you try to hold firm on how you feel, he calls you rude instead accepting any wrongdoing on his part. You need to sit down and take a hard look at your relationship before you buy a house together.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:The same etiquette regarding gifts you do want to receive. Say "thank you."

You had your chance to tell him what to get you, and you passed on it with this "let's just save for the baby" stuff. You should have picked out something relatively inexpensive that you would actually like, because you know he's going to do this.

At any rate, agree with PP that you seem to have bigger problems.


I didn’t pick anything because we weren’t supposed to exchange gifts.

What’s the bigger fish to fry?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Maybe you can use it as a diaper bag!


Ah good idea!
Anonymous
It’s been years and I tell DH specifically what gifts I want him to buy. He has terrible taste otherwise in fashion. Just send your SO the links.
Anonymous
Anywho.

You do know that’s one of your tells, don’t you?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Anywho.

You do know that’s one of your tells, don’t you?


I do now lol.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It’s been years and I tell DH specifically what gifts I want him to buy. He has terrible taste otherwise in fashion. Just send your SO the links.


I will have to start doing that. Thanks.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The same etiquette regarding gifts you do want to receive. Say "thank you."

You had your chance to tell him what to get you, and you passed on it with this "let's just save for the baby" stuff. You should have picked out something relatively inexpensive that you would actually like, because you know he's going to do this.

At any rate, agree with PP that you seem to have bigger problems.


I didn’t pick anything because we weren’t supposed to exchange gifts.

What’s the bigger fish to fry?


That he doesn’t know your taste, ignores your requests, and your opinion doesn’t matter.

Have fun with this jerk.
Anonymous
Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?
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