What’s the etiquette on receiving expensive gifts that you don’t care for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m bored I’ll play:

What is your relationship like with his family and visa versa?

Great. My uncle grew up with his uncles and father (they’re from a small county in VA). My parents love him too. I get along really well with his family as well.

We met my senior year of college and had been friends throughout the years. So, we’ve been around each other’s families for quite a while now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s only making $350k, it’s highly unlikely he has enough to retire in 4 years unless he sold a company for millions or something.

I agree he does not actually sound good with money (buying expensive things people don’t want is wasteful, even if you can technically “afford” it.)

Kids are expensive, especially childcare and college educations. You two need to get on the same page and once the baby arrives he’s going to need to start caring about what you think and want more than he currently does. He sounds like a steamroller.

He has a lot of bitcoin and investments. He’s also has a few properties as well. His dad retired at 45 as well from his investments.

I do agree that I need him to understand that spending money on frivolous things now that the baby is on the way is a no-go. I appreciate that he wants to give me “just because” gifts, so I think a conversation on spending limits needs to be had as well.

The problem is it is HIS MONEY. He can do whatever he wants. What are your childcare plans for the baby when you return to work? We’ll wait.

We both work from home and live close by to our families. So, they’ve agreed to watch the baby as needed.

As needed? If you work 8-5 M-F then you need care 8-5pm

Again OP, what is your age relative to the father? It sounds like he is digging in for control.

My schedule is pretty relaxed. I schedule my meetings and calls, and I spend most of my days sourcing (I'm in business development). My job is pretty flexible, and they don't check when I'm online. As long as I get my work done, all is good, so yes, as needed.

He's a year older than me.

You will still need full time childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same etiquette regarding gifts you do want to receive. Say "thank you."

You had your chance to tell him what to get you, and you passed on it with this "let's just save for the baby" stuff. You should have picked out something relatively inexpensive that you would actually like, because you know he's going to do this.

At any rate, agree with PP that you seem to have bigger problems.

I didn’t pick anything because we weren’t supposed to exchange gifts.

What’s the bigger fish to fry?

You’re not married and you’re having a baby with someone who you have difficulty communicating about the most basic things.

That’s a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have bigger fish to fry.

This. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he has shown you he has zero respect for what you've been telling him. And when you try to hold firm on how you feel, he calls you rude instead accepting any wrongdoing on his part. You need to sit down and take a hard look at your relationship before you buy a house together.

They are having a child together... that ship has sailed. But also, we have ALL received gifts from our spouse that we don't love. Maybe he is a gift person and really wanted her to like his gifts. I don't think that signals any kind of big personality defect in the guy. And yes, arguing about a gift is kind of rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m bored I’ll play:

What is your relationship like with his family and visa versa?

Great. My uncle grew up with his uncles and father (they’re from a small county in VA). My parents love him too. I get along really well with his family as well.

We met my senior year of college and had been friends throughout the years. So, we’ve been around each other’s families for quite a while now.

What?!? Who cares about your uncle.

Be ready for momma baby status and him fighting for custody…and winning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have bigger fish to fry.

This. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he has shown you he has zero respect for what you've been telling him. And when you try to hold firm on how you feel, he calls you rude instead accepting any wrongdoing on his part. You need to sit down and take a hard look at your relationship before you buy a house together.

They are having a child together... that ship has sailed. But also, we have ALL received gifts from our spouse that we don't love. Maybe he is a gift person and really wanted her to like his gifts. I don't think that signals any kind of big personality defect in the guy. And yes, arguing about a gift is kind of rude.

+1

DCUM is so doom and gloom. He gave her a pair of glasses and a purse - so twice. If she told him she didn’t like glasses or purses and he repeatedly did it, then yes a red flag. He struck out on two very different items - that’s very different. OP mentioned TWO gifts out of their entire relationship. Unless she’s not sharing everything, I’m sure he’s given her more than two gifts throughout their relationship, so as of right now we can chalk it up to him being a bad gift giver.

You can also look at it positively that she told him not to get her anything and he still wanted to give her something. The glasses, he wanted to give to her just because, which was a nice gesture. Again, he just happened to strike out both times but he was trying to do something nice.

This is where OP needs to communicate boundaries in spending money of gifts and dropping hints about what she likes instead of leaving it up to him. Like I said, not everything is doom and gloom. What makes a couple work is how they navigate issues, not that they have (normal issues, not cheating) issues to begin with. This isn’t some major issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have bigger fish to fry.

This. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he has shown you he has zero respect for what you've been telling him. And when you try to hold firm on how you feel, he calls you rude instead accepting any wrongdoing on his part. You need to sit down and take a hard look at your relationship before you buy a house together.

This. People absolutely do use gift giving to exercise their crazy. If you set boundaries and he does not respect them, consider it a MAJOR red flag. It's a great area for disturbed people to be manipulative because we are supposed to be grateful and say thank you-right? Like when Qatar gave Trump that plane-it's just a giiiift. how generous, right?! There's a reason every day government employees and teachers aren't supposed to accept gifts worth more than small amount-because gifts are used to manipulate and control by some people.

It is not generous to spend a small fortune on something somebody doesn't want. if he doesn't give you a gift receipt that is concerning-especially if he is just assuming he is the best gift giver ever.

Some will come on here and say OMG it's so jaded, just have manners, but I have the crazy gifters in my family and those people are absolutely crazy and manipulative in general. Gifts are their love language because of the fun they have playing their games with them. Please tell me his gifts at least don't come with invisible strings that eventually get pulled.

[Anonymous]

You aren't married and you make peanuts, you need to be in your own house when the baby is born, so you can try to get primary custody and a big child support payment. That baby could net you at least $3-4 K a month if you play your cards right.

What's wrong with you? Get your ducks in a row now. You can't buy pampers with $500 diaper bag.

Don't put your name on the house or the mortgage, unless of course you are not on the mortgage, which would make you a super player ... if you can get your name on the deed but not the mortgage that's optimal.

Forget the investments you sound kind of stupid and he will probably just name you as a 100% beneficiary and then change it to his mother's name. You aren't married so he can easily remove you.

Consult a lawyer now so you can get an estimate of just how much money you are going to get. It would be awful if you end up another broke single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Link to bag?

https://kith.com/products/khw040104-001

It’s actually a nice bag and five hundred dollars is nothing. From the way Op is carrying on I thought she got a bag she didn’t want worth thousands of dollars.

[Anonymous]

I would just use it as a diaper bag or for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren't married and you make peanuts, you need to be in your own house when the baby is born, so you can try to get primary custody and a big child support payment. That baby could net you at least $3-4 K a month if you play your cards right.

What's wrong with you? Get your ducks in a row now. You can't buy pampers with $500 diaper bag.

Don't put your name on the house or the mortgage, unless of course you are not on the mortgage, which would make you a super player ... if you can get your name on the deed but not the mortgage that's optimal.

Forget the investments you sound kind of stupid and he will probably just name you as a 100% beneficiary and then change it to his mother's name. You aren't married so he can easily remove you.

Consult a lawyer now so you can get an estimate of just how much money you are going to get. It would be awful if you end up another broke single mom.

This made me laugh. I read it all in Rachel Maddow's voice. Spot on.
But OP is "in love"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m bored I’ll play:

What is your relationship like with his family and visa versa?

Great. My uncle grew up with his uncles and father (they’re from a small county in VA). My parents love him too. I get along really well with his family as well.

We met my senior year of college and had been friends throughout the years. So, we’ve been around each other’s families for quite a while now.

What?!? Who cares about your uncle.

Be ready for momma baby status and him fighting for custody…and winning.

It’s “baby mama.” Not “momma baby.”

[Anonymous]

Do not take this the wrong way OP but you sound like an ungrateful gift recipient.

It seems like your man is investing a lot of thought into selecting your gifts - - instead of complaining on what you received and making a big deal why not just graciously accept your present + be thankful. ❤️