Am I in the wrong here or is my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're in the wrong. You said that the younger one routinely handles the weekends so the older one can sleep in or have a sleepover. So, the agreement isn't that the older one handles them every day. It's that she handles them on weekdays, and she is living up to her promise (and not getting enough sleep as a result).

The younger one was awake (as were you) and in a position to feed the kittens. There was no need to rouse the default kitten parent here. Sounds to me like you were grumpy about having to get up and take the cat to be spayed on a weekend morning, so you decided to unnecessarily wake up the daughter who suggested the arrangement in the first place.

Also, your daughter's comment was a little rude, but I can understand why she might feel like you are being insensitive/hypocritical given your highly unusual sleeping pattern. I am a parent of 3 with a full time job and I am at my desk at 8 after having breakfast with my kids and getting them to school. My kids' friends' parents are all up early too, as evidenced by the active morning group chats. Maybe you work evenings or something, but if you don't, you are clearly someone who prioritizes sleep over responsibilities from time to time. Give the kid a break.

She works 10-4! The poor sausage.

I work 7 times per week.

You work seven days a week? Did you take the day off to go to the cat appointment?

Well 10-4 on weekdays and weekend only 1-2 hours from home, its quiet flexible

[Anonymous]

You are wrong even if technically you’re right that it’s her responsibility. If the other daughter was already up and interacting with the cats, it would have taken very little to ask the younger daughter to feed the cats and do your older daughter the favor of letting her sleep a little bit more. Teenagers are very sleep-deprived, so in your shoes I would’ve let the older daughter sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

Why haven’t you cited any examples of your older dd having a bad attitude? You mentioned her comment about your sleeping until 8:00, but nothing that indicates a bad attitude about taking care of the foster cats. If you think that’s relevant, why did you fail to mention it and describe your dd as if she’s been completely responsible, but gets assistance from her sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

Whoa.

#1 - playing with and feeding pets when you are already awake isn't "hard work". Waking up to do it when you are exhausted is. See: Parenting a newborn.

#2 - Stop comparing them. That is a recipe for disaster and isn't fare to either. Both sound like lovely young ladies and you should be proud of them both for wanting to do something to help others.

I do agree there should have been a plan communicated the night before, and older daughter's tone could be improved if you relayed it all factually, but she's not a jerk for needing sleep.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter probably wants to foster cats because she doesn't get any love from her own mother. She's going to have a bunch of kids to fix her own childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

Why haven’t you cited any examples of your older dd having a bad attitude? You mentioned her comment about your sleeping until 8:00, but nothing that indicates a bad attitude about taking care of the foster cats. If you think that’s relevant, why did you fail to mention it and describe your dd as if she’s been completely responsible, but gets assistance from her sister?

With bad attitude I mean always talking to us in an annoyed voice, sighing when asked to do chores (not including the cat chores, she likes doing those), being grumpy etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're in the wrong. You said that the younger one routinely handles the weekends so the older one can sleep in or have a sleepover. So, the agreement isn't that the older one handles them every day. It's that she handles them on weekdays, and she is living up to her promise (and not getting enough sleep as a result).

The younger one was awake (as were you) and in a position to feed the kittens. There was no need to rouse the default kitten parent here. Sounds to me like you were grumpy about having to get up and take the cat to be spayed on a weekend morning, so you decided to unnecessarily wake up the daughter who suggested the arrangement in the first place.

Also, your daughter's comment was a little rude, but I can understand why she might feel like you are being insensitive/hypocritical given your highly unusual sleeping pattern. I am a parent of 3 with a full time job and I am at my desk at 8 after having breakfast with my kids and getting them to school. My kids' friends' parents are all up early too, as evidenced by the active morning group chats. Maybe you work evenings or something, but if you don't, you are clearly someone who prioritizes sleep over responsibilities from time to time. Give the kid a break.

She works 10-4! The poor sausage.

I work 7 times per week.

You work seven days a week? Did you take the day off to go to the cat appointment?

Well 10-4 on weekdays and weekend only 1-2 hours from home, its quiet flexible

Sorry, that's not the full time you claim. Your child is in school longer hours than you're at work, plus has homework, plus is doing chores, plus is doing cat fostering. Be proud of her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter probably wants to foster cats because she doesn't get any love from her own mother. She's going to have a bunch of kids to fix her own childhood.

She has always wanted pets since she was little, it's irrelevant. Plus we think of ourselves as not strict parents. We let her have sleepovers whenever she wants, same with hang outs, we let her go to 2 concerts alone with her friends etc..

[Anonymous]

OP- you’re a jerk. Feeding animals takes approximately two minutes. If the 12 year old can play them and cuddle with them she can feed them. You could have fed them as well. My 15 year old takes care of the cats in our house. When she’s not home or having a lot going on for the day I’ll scoop the litter boxes and feed them. It’s called being a decent person, try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

Why haven’t you cited any examples of your older dd having a bad attitude? You mentioned her comment about your sleeping until 8:00, but nothing that indicates a bad attitude about taking care of the foster cats. If you think that’s relevant, why did you fail to mention it and describe your dd as if she’s been completely responsible, but gets assistance from her sister?

With bad attitude I mean always talking to us in an annoyed voice, sighing when asked to do chores (not including the cat chores, she likes doing those), being grumpy etc..

Have you ever spent time around a teenager before? This is 100% textbook normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter probably wants to foster cats because she doesn't get any love from her own mother. She's going to have a bunch of kids to fix her own childhood.

She has always wanted pets since she was little, it's irrelevant. Plus we think of ourselves as not strict parents. We let her have sleepovers whenever she wants, same with hang outs, we let her go to 2 concerts alone with her friends etc..

None of those things are showing love. Love is getting up with your kids in the morning to talk to them before school, being responsive to their needs in the moment (like needing sleep), not playing favorites.

You need a parenting coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

Why haven’t you cited any examples of your older dd having a bad attitude? You mentioned her comment about your sleeping until 8:00, but nothing that indicates a bad attitude about taking care of the foster cats. If you think that’s relevant, why did you fail to mention it and describe your dd as if she’s been completely responsible, but gets assistance from her sister?

With bad attitude I mean always talking to us in an annoyed voice, sighing when asked to do chores (not including the cat chores, she likes doing those), being grumpy etc..

Have you ever spent time around a teenager before? This is 100% textbook normal.

I mean she's been like this since she was 12!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

Why haven’t you cited any examples of your older dd having a bad attitude? You mentioned her comment about your sleeping until 8:00, but nothing that indicates a bad attitude about taking care of the foster cats. If you think that’s relevant, why did you fail to mention it and describe your dd as if she’s been completely responsible, but gets assistance from her sister?

With bad attitude I mean always talking to us in an annoyed voice, sighing when asked to do chores (not including the cat chores, she likes doing those), being grumpy etc..

So she’s a normal 15 year old who is taking excellent care of these cats? Nothing you say makes anyone but you seem wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter probably wants to foster cats because she doesn't get any love from her own mother. She's going to have a bunch of kids to fix her own childhood.

She has always wanted pets since she was little, it's irrelevant. Plus we think of ourselves as not strict parents. We let her have sleepovers whenever she wants, same with hang outs, we let her go to 2 concerts alone with her friends etc..

None of those things are showing love. Love is getting up with your kids in the morning to talk to them before school, being responsive to their needs in the moment (like needing sleep), not playing favorites.

You need a parenting coach.

We are quiet responsive to their needs. We take them on fun trips, have family dinners and get them unlimited books when they ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

Why haven’t you cited any examples of your older dd having a bad attitude? You mentioned her comment about your sleeping until 8:00, but nothing that indicates a bad attitude about taking care of the foster cats. If you think that’s relevant, why did you fail to mention it and describe your dd as if she’s been completely responsible, but gets assistance from her sister?

With bad attitude I mean always talking to us in an annoyed voice, sighing when asked to do chores (not including the cat chores, she likes doing those), being grumpy etc..

Have you ever spent time around a teenager before? This is 100% textbook normal.

I mean she's been like this since she was 12!

...the hormones don't suddenly start the day they turn 13. Give your daughter some grace and help her out. It is hard to be a teen.