Am I in the wrong here or is my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are. Your daughter sounds way more mature than you do.

+1 Honestly it sounds like OP resented having to be up an hour early herself to drive to the spay appointment and picked a fight with DD15 as payback since she agreed to the fostering for that kid.

+1 I agree, mom was vindictive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughters responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you really just wanted people to back you up. Got it.

[Anonymous]

OP here again:
Also I do have a job. It's from 10-4 and my two oldest daughters are old enough to make breakfast themselves and pack their lunch (one of them doesn't even eat breakfast and eats lunch at school) They take the bus to school and leave at around 8:15. My youngest daughter starts school at 8:45 and we live right next to the school so there is enough time for me to make her breakfast and lunch and then do her hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughters responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

You said in your OP that the 12 year old can help on weekend mornings so that the 15 year old can sleep in (or if she's at a sleepover). The 12 year old was up and already playing with the kittens that morning. Your 15 year old needs sleep. You thinking that a 12 year old "entertaining" kittens is put upon and doing too much, while shaking your 15 year old who is heroically responsible out of bed out of spite, is a gross dynamic. Stop with the favoritism and wake up in the morning to feed your own kids, you lazy bum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughters responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

Wow, this does not help your case. You seem like you are working hard to anger her. She seems like a great daughter who sometimes needs help. As I would assume you sometimes need. Do you ever need help with cooking, taking out trash, etc? Families help and support each other!

How are you going to handle real issues when they come up? I think you need to decide if you want a strong relationship with your daughter or if you just want power over her. But the strong-arming like you are doing is going to cause her to separate from you as she gets older and into college and adulthood.

[Anonymous]

It seems like you thought she’d be overwhelmed by fostering a mama cat and her kittens and then you could say I told you so and never have to hear about fostering again, except your younger dd is helping out enough that it’s manageable, so this isn’t going the way you planned.

[Anonymous]

You're in the wrong. You said that the younger one routinely handles the weekends so the older one can sleep in or have a sleepover. So, the agreement isn't that the older one handles them every day. It's that she handles them on weekdays, and she is living up to her promise (and not getting enough sleep as a result).

The younger one was awake (as were you) and in a position to feed the kittens. There was no need to rouse the default kitten parent here. Sounds to me like you were grumpy about having to get up and take the cat to be spayed on a weekend morning, so you decided to unnecessarily wake up the daughter who suggested the arrangement in the first place.

Also, your daughter's comment was a little rude, but I can understand why she might feel like you are being insensitive/hypocritical given your highly unusual sleeping pattern. I am a parent of 3 with a full time job and I am at my desk at 8 after having breakfast with my kids and getting them to school. My kids' friends' parents are all up early too, as evidenced by the active morning group chats. Maybe you work evenings or something, but if you don't, you are clearly someone who prioritizes sleep over responsibilities from time to time. Give the kid a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter’s responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

So you knew the kittens would be cared for and you woke your dd anyway? Why are you so resentful about your younger dd helping out if she does so voluntarily?

well my oldest daughter has a bad attitude while the younger one doesn't. I don't want the younger one to have to do all the hard work when shes perfectly well behaved and this isnt her responsibilty.

[Anonymous]

plus the younger one is usually more helpful with chores

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
SHE wanted the foster cats. We as a family agreed we would help by entertaining them, and buying supplies plus driving them to the vet and meeting up with adopters. Her sister already does more than we as a family agreed on. Her sister sometimes feeds them and cleans the litterbox when that is my oldest daughter's responsibility. I told my oldest that if she continues on with her bad attitude, we will not be fostering anymore in the future and she said that was really unfair since she was doing all the work and she enjoys fostering cats.

Who cares if her sister is doing more? Is her sister complaining about it? It sounds like she is enjoying the process and doing it willingly.

My mom was like you. Extremely rigid, black and white thinking, had to control every aspect of my life just because she could. Zero flexibility, never adapted to whatever needed to change. It was a horrible way to grow up and now I'm no contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're in the wrong. You said that the younger one routinely handles the weekends so the older one can sleep in or have a sleepover. So, the agreement isn't that the older one handles them every day. It's that she handles them on weekdays, and she is living up to her promise (and not getting enough sleep as a result).

The younger one was awake (as were you) and in a position to feed the kittens. There was no need to rouse the default kitten parent here. Sounds to me like you were grumpy about having to get up and take the cat to be spayed on a weekend morning, so you decided to unnecessarily wake up the daughter who suggested the arrangement in the first place.

Also, your daughter's comment was a little rude, but I can understand why she might feel like you are being insensitive/hypocritical given your highly unusual sleeping pattern. I am a parent of 3 with a full time job and I am at my desk at 8 after having breakfast with my kids and getting them to school. My kids' friends' parents are all up early too, as evidenced by the active morning group chats. Maybe you work evenings or something, but if you don't, you are clearly someone who prioritizes sleep over responsibilities from time to time. Give the kid a break.

She works 10-4! The poor sausage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're in the wrong. You said that the younger one routinely handles the weekends so the older one can sleep in or have a sleepover. So, the agreement isn't that the older one handles them every day. It's that she handles them on weekdays, and she is living up to her promise (and not getting enough sleep as a result).

The younger one was awake (as were you) and in a position to feed the kittens. There was no need to rouse the default kitten parent here. Sounds to me like you were grumpy about having to get up and take the cat to be spayed on a weekend morning, so you decided to unnecessarily wake up the daughter who suggested the arrangement in the first place.

Also, your daughter's comment was a little rude, but I can understand why she might feel like you are being insensitive/hypocritical given your highly unusual sleeping pattern. I am a parent of 3 with a full time job and I am at my desk at 8 after having breakfast with my kids and getting them to school. My kids' friends' parents are all up early too, as evidenced by the active morning group chats. Maybe you work evenings or something, but if you don't, you are clearly someone who prioritizes sleep over responsibilities from time to time. Give the kid a break.

She works 10-4! The poor sausage.

I work 7 times per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're in the wrong. You said that the younger one routinely handles the weekends so the older one can sleep in or have a sleepover. So, the agreement isn't that the older one handles them every day. It's that she handles them on weekdays, and she is living up to her promise (and not getting enough sleep as a result).

The younger one was awake (as were you) and in a position to feed the kittens. There was no need to rouse the default kitten parent here. Sounds to me like you were grumpy about having to get up and take the cat to be spayed on a weekend morning, so you decided to unnecessarily wake up the daughter who suggested the arrangement in the first place.

Also, your daughter's comment was a little rude, but I can understand why she might feel like you are being insensitive/hypocritical given your highly unusual sleeping pattern. I am a parent of 3 with a full time job and I am at my desk at 8 after having breakfast with my kids and getting them to school. My kids' friends' parents are all up early too, as evidenced by the active morning group chats. Maybe you work evenings or something, but if you don't, you are clearly someone who prioritizes sleep over responsibilities from time to time. Give the kid a break.

She works 10-4! The poor sausage.

I work 7 times per week.

On the weekends I work from home though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're in the wrong. You said that the younger one routinely handles the weekends so the older one can sleep in or have a sleepover. So, the agreement isn't that the older one handles them every day. It's that she handles them on weekdays, and she is living up to her promise (and not getting enough sleep as a result).

The younger one was awake (as were you) and in a position to feed the kittens. There was no need to rouse the default kitten parent here. Sounds to me like you were grumpy about having to get up and take the cat to be spayed on a weekend morning, so you decided to unnecessarily wake up the daughter who suggested the arrangement in the first place.

Also, your daughter's comment was a little rude, but I can understand why she might feel like you are being insensitive/hypocritical given your highly unusual sleeping pattern. I am a parent of 3 with a full time job and I am at my desk at 8 after having breakfast with my kids and getting them to school. My kids' friends' parents are all up early too, as evidenced by the active morning group chats. Maybe you work evenings or something, but if you don't, you are clearly someone who prioritizes sleep over responsibilities from time to time. Give the kid a break.

She works 10-4! The poor sausage.

I work 7 times per week.

You work seven days a week? Did you take the day off to go to the cat appointment?