Brother-in-law asked for $5k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give it as a one time gift.

I would let go of any attachment to what it is used for.

I would let your wife know it is a one time thing to you and ask if she is on the same page. If she is I would ask that she also relay this to her brother so there are no false expectations in the future.

It’s family - if I have 5k to give I am giving it.

Do they have to, though? Why do they have to?

[Anonymous]

It seems like the parents won't support him so he wants his sister to support him instead. What is he doing to get a job? I would give him zero without an answer to that question.

[Anonymous]

Interesting the amount he asked for is exactly the amount you were comfortable giving. This won’t be a one time ask. I wouldn’t go down this hole.

[Anonymous]

Don’t give the money! You will regret it.

[Anonymous]

I would say no unless there is a very specific unexpected bill, like medical insurance going up etc. Lots of people are going to face several thousand dollars in insurance spikes Nov 1. At 42, if he doesn’t have a job with benefits he’s probably on the ACA which the Republicans are gutting. If he’s depressed and loses insurance, he won’t be able to afford medication. I would pay the bills directly unless of course he voted and plans to continue voting for this crap.

1. If he gets the money free and clear without explanation, he knows he has a new fund source. Your wife will be asked again.
2. He will rationalize that he’s entitled to your money because family supports family. He needs it and wants it. You have it. Pony up!
3. The parents may have been giving money on top of food and housing but said no more until you start working. You would be undermining the push for him to become more independent.
4. Chances are he is or will drain the parents. You will really have financial pressure when the parents need or want money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say no unless there is a very specific unexpected bill, like medical insurance going up etc. Lots of people are going to face several thousand dollars in insurance spikes Nov 1. At 42, if he doesn’t have a job with benefits he’s probably on the ACA which the Republicans are gutting. If he’s depressed and loses insurance, he won’t be able to afford medication. I would pay the bills directly unless of course he voted and plans to continue voting for this crap.

1. If he gets the money free and clear without explanation, he knows he has a new fund source. Your wife will be asked again.
2. He will rationalize that he’s entitled to your money because family supports family. He needs it and wants it. You have it. Pony up!
3. The parents may have been giving money on top of food and housing but said no more until you start working. You would be undermining the push for him to become more independent.
4. Chances are he is or will drain the parents. You will really have financial pressure when the parents need or want money.

So the COVID era premium subsidies for able-bodied adults should continue in perpetuity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say no unless there is a very specific unexpected bill, like medical insurance going up etc. Lots of people are going to face several thousand dollars in insurance spikes Nov 1. At 42, if he doesn’t have a job with benefits he’s probably on the ACA which the Republicans are gutting. If he’s depressed and loses insurance, he won’t be able to afford medication. I would pay the bills directly unless of course he voted and plans to continue voting for this crap.

1. If he gets the money free and clear without explanation, he knows he has a new fund source. Your wife will be asked again.
2. He will rationalize that he’s entitled to your money because family supports family. He needs it and wants it. You have it. Pony up!
3. The parents may have been giving money on top of food and housing but said no more until you start working. You would be undermining the push for him to become more independent.
4. Chances are he is or will drain the parents. You will really have financial pressure when the parents need or want money.

All excellent points!

[Anonymous]

What does he need money for? Lives with parents, lost custody of kids, has no wife, most likely pays no child support. 42 is not like 62, when one say loses a job and needs to somehow drag it out to retirement. 42 is very young to have a hand out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say no unless there is a very specific unexpected bill, like medical insurance going up etc. Lots of people are going to face several thousand dollars in insurance spikes Nov 1. At 42, if he doesn’t have a job with benefits he’s probably on the ACA which the Republicans are gutting. If he’s depressed and loses insurance, he won’t be able to afford medication. I would pay the bills directly unless of course he voted and plans to continue voting for this crap.

1. If he gets the money free and clear without explanation, he knows he has a new fund source. Your wife will be asked again.
2. He will rationalize that he’s entitled to your money because family supports family. He needs it and wants it. You have it. Pony up!
3. The parents may have been giving money on top of food and housing but said no more until you start working. You would be undermining the push for him to become more independent.
4. Chances are he is or will drain the parents. You will really have financial pressure when the parents need or want money.

So the COVID era premium subsidies for able-bodied adults should continue in perpetuity?

dp yes

[Anonymous]

My wife sends money to her various struggling relatives. At first, I was just happy my wife was happy.

Now, my wife has gotten used to doing this and no longer appreciates it.

I spend money on these people that I have basically come to see as lazy, shiftless people. It’s endless and honestly it’s pointless. I feel like I am a damn travel agent (when they want to “visit”), an Apple Store when their phone breaks, a bank when they cannot pay their bills. There is virtually no gratitude from them.

It’s nice you want to help your BIL but don’t let it become a repeat thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife sends money to her various struggling relatives. At first, I was just happy my wife was happy.

Now, my wife has gotten used to doing this and no longer appreciates it.

I spend money on these people that I have basically come to see as lazy, shiftless people. It’s endless and honestly it’s pointless. I feel like I am a damn travel agent (when they want to “visit”), an Apple Store when their phone breaks, a bank when they cannot pay their bills. There is virtually no gratitude from them.

It’s nice you want to help your BIL but don’t let it become a repeat thing.

When they visit america they stop first at our house so they can claim to be visiting us. Then they send a detailed ticket itinerary for the ticket they want to visit their other feckless relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife sends money to her various struggling relatives. At first, I was just happy my wife was happy.

Now, my wife has gotten used to doing this and no longer appreciates it.

I spend money on these people that I have basically come to see as lazy, shiftless people. It’s endless and honestly it’s pointless. I feel like I am a damn travel agent (when they want to “visit”), an Apple Store when their phone breaks, a bank when they cannot pay their bills. There is virtually no gratitude from them.

It’s nice you want to help your BIL but don’t let it become a repeat thing.

When they visit america they stop first at our house so they can claim to be visiting us. Then they send a detailed ticket itinerary for the ticket they want to visit their other feckless relatives.

how much have you given him so far?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife sends money to her various struggling relatives. At first, I was just happy my wife was happy.

Now, my wife has gotten used to doing this and no longer appreciates it.

I spend money on these people that I have basically come to see as lazy, shiftless people. It’s endless and honestly it’s pointless. I feel like I am a damn travel agent (when they want to “visit”), an Apple Store when their phone breaks, a bank when they cannot pay their bills. There is virtually no gratitude from them.

It’s nice you want to help your BIL but don’t let it become a repeat thing.

When they visit america they stop first at our house so they can claim to be visiting us. Then they send a detailed ticket itinerary for the ticket they want to visit their other feckless relatives.

how much have you given him so far?

How much? Monthly payments to MIl for a decade; “loans” to FIL; countless air tickets, computers, smartphones, other “gifts”- it’s a lot of $$ …. Nothing I guess i cannot afford, but when you come to feel like you are being milked, too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife sends money to her various struggling relatives. At first, I was just happy my wife was happy.

Now, my wife has gotten used to doing this and no longer appreciates it.

I spend money on these people that I have basically come to see as lazy, shiftless people. It’s endless and honestly it’s pointless. I feel like I am a damn travel agent (when they want to “visit”), an Apple Store when their phone breaks, a bank when they cannot pay their bills. There is virtually no gratitude from them.

It’s nice you want to help your BIL but don’t let it become a repeat thing.

When they visit america they stop first at our house so they can claim to be visiting us. Then they send a detailed ticket itinerary for the ticket they want to visit their other feckless relatives.

how much have you given him so far?

How much? Monthly payments to MIl for a decade; “loans” to FIL; countless air tickets, computers, smartphones, other “gifts”- it’s a lot of $$ …. Nothing I guess i cannot afford, but when you come to feel like you are being milked, too much.

no, to BIL

[Anonymous]

Original Poster here: only the $5k this weekend. I hope BIL is find some gainful employmwnt and be stable.

The other poster has been paying for wife’s family for many decades it seems.