Brother-in-law asked for $5k

[Anonymous]

OP posting: Yes, I am being petty and agree with the poster that it is less for our own kiddos. I do think it will be squandered. I am no okay with this time but I’m trying to make it clear to my spouse that this will be a one-time thing. It’s not enough for a down payment so I am not sure why the number is $5k.

It will be a gift (no expectation of pay back).

I agree that maybe he wasn’t a good parent (leave his kids with girlfriends he was dating). He lost custody be cause of housing issues. We probably would have offered to adopt if we knew. The kids just ended up staying on with the mom during a visit. At one point we asked when the kids were coming back from summer vacation, and BIL said that they started school in Boston.

We grew up poor ($30k combined household income) because my mom married my dad. On the bright side, I did not know we were poor as a little kid and had to figure it out later. LOL

My mom’s family was rich but we were not. My parents never asked for money from her family. We were PG-county poor (poorest DC suburb county but richer than many other US counties), not food insecure poor. My parents gave money to family members who were even less well off (that’s why I thought we were rich).

[Anonymous]

What does he want the money for?

If it's for child support I would say yes but pay it directly.

[Anonymous]

Why would you offer to adopt your BIL’s kids if they have a mother too? Your post makes no sense. Sounds fake.

[Anonymous]

He probably owes child support and that’s where the money is going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brother in law should not have even asked for money. At 40 years old, have some dignity. Say no money unless it's to get therapy for depression

This.

[Anonymous]

OP posting: In-laws gave BIL 30 days to move out. They want to retire and no longer take care of him.

[Anonymous]

It's OK to give gifts. Make good choices.

[Anonymous]

OP posting: The mom cheated and ran off. She wasn’t available. Of course, we’d offer help to our nephews. She got her stuff together later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP posting: In-laws gave BIL 30 days to move out. They want to retire and no longer take care of him.

So he wants the money to get a place but doesn’t have a job, so he will be out for a couple of months and then lose that too. He is looking to switch from depending on his parents to depending on you. UGH, so sorry. Don’t keep going down that rabbit hole!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP posting: In-laws gave BIL 30 days to move out. They want to retire and no longer take care of him.

So he wants the money to get a place but doesn’t have a job, so he will be out for a couple of months and then lose that too. He is looking to switch from depending on his parents to depending on you. UGH, so sorry. Don’t keep going down that rabbit hole!

I have a feeling OP will have a new houseguest real soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP posting: In-laws gave BIL 30 days to move out. They want to retire and no longer take care of him.

So he wants the money to get a place but doesn’t have a job, so he will be out for a couple of months and then lose that too. He is looking to switch from depending on his parents to depending on you. UGH, so sorry. Don’t keep going down that rabbit hole!

I have a feeling OP will have a new houseguest real soon.

I’m worried about that for him too! OP, absolutely don’t permit this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP posting: In-laws gave BIL 30 days to move out. They want to retire and no longer take care of him.

So he wants the money to get a place but doesn’t have a job, so he will be out for a couple of months and then lose that too. He is looking to switch from depending on his parents to depending on you. UGH, so sorry. Don’t keep going down that rabbit hole!

I have a feeling OP will have a new houseguest real soon.

Seriously. This is where you draw a VERY hard line. I would directly pay the deposit and first month of a cheap studio apartment, and then that's it. He needs to get a job!

[Anonymous]

What have you actually done to help your BIL? Not counting “was going to” actions. Sounds like mostly just talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What have you actually done to help your BIL? Not counting “was going to” actions. Sounds like mostly just talk.

What has BiL done to help himself? He’s 40!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What have you actually done to help your BIL? Not counting “was going to” actions. Sounds like mostly just talk.

What has BiL done to help himself? He’s 40!

BIL is not the one posting though. OP is.