When a close relative shows clear favoritism

[Anonymous]

Does favored kid go willingly on outings, visits, etc. or have to be talked into it by DH sibling or others? Does he ever try to include or bring along your other kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

I try to treat my children very fairly. I love them all. Over the years, I have heard them say how this or that is unfair. I remind them that the world is not equal. I also tell them they live in the top 1% and other people may think what they/we have is unfair.

My middle kid probably get left out the most. When he was younger, I put extra effort so that he would not be the neglected middle child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

[Anonymous]

MIL did it to her daughters tried it on my daughters.

Nope I cut her out of our lives.

She hated me too from day one she did this to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting to me because I grew up in a big family with lots of siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles. There were definitely special/closer relationships that popped up between certain pairings in the group. One uncle was closest with the sister who played basketball. One aunt favored the cousin who wanted to shop and talk fashion. One seemed to just like the oldest cousin she’d known longest. Etc. We all just saw it as normal.

So to me, the situation you describe is completely normal and I would not make a big deal out of it with the brother. I would consider it my job to help my kids put it in perspective.

I find it completely normal too. I have aunts and uncles I like much better than others as well. I don’t treat them “equally” either.

There are 2 favored cousins who are inheriting the family farm to the exclusion of the rest of us. I honestly don’t care…they still work and live there. Good for them, they have sweat equity in it and I have a preference for it to stay “in the family” as a working farm instead of being auctioned off to developers. I don’t care that I won’t get a share of its value at all.

[Anonymous]

I'm not playing this favoritism game.
My kids' relationship with each other is my most important concern and I'm not jeopardizing it in any way.

I'll cut people off if I need to. I disagree that this will hurt my kids more than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Why does it matter if there's a "reason." Saying there is a "reason" implies the reason is legitimate. Sometimes in a mixed race situation, for example, the lighter-skinned child is favored, and that's clearly the reason, but it's still unfair. Whatever the "reason" is, if there is one, the OP said "the less-favored child definitely notices, cares, and doesn’t understand." If it's at that point, then there's something wrong regardless of a reason. The reason is beside the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Can you read? They are teenagers and I already said this. You are just trying to argue. It's not because one is a small kid. Stop showing favoritism to your niece or nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Can you read? They are teenagers and I already said this. You are just trying to argue. It's not because one is a small kid. Stop showing favoritism to your niece or nephew.

There's a reason and you don't want to say. So you won't get any advice you want to hear because nobody understands what's going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Why does it matter if there's a "reason." Saying there is a "reason" implies the reason is legitimate. Sometimes in a mixed race situation, for example, the lighter-skinned child is favored, and that's clearly the reason, but it's still unfair. Whatever the "reason" is, if there is one, the OP said "the less-favored child definitely notices, cares, and doesn’t understand." If it's at that point, then there's something wrong regardless of a reason. The reason is beside the point.

What is the illegitimate reason in this case then? Because if it's race the answer is obvious how to handle. If one is an annoying brat then OP needs to work on manners because it's fixable. Of course the reason matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Can you read? They are teenagers and I already said this. You are just trying to argue. It's not because one is a small kid. Stop showing favoritism to your niece or nephew.

Oh, I am very fair. I barely have a relationship with any of them and that is fine with me. Is that what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Can you read? They are teenagers and I already said this. You are just trying to argue. It's not because one is a small kid. Stop showing favoritism to your niece or nephew.

Every teenager and family must be so different. I have two teens same sex and they are very busy. They would never sit home being sad over an uncle or grandparent favoring one of them over the other. My oldest is much closer to grandparents and know one another better. No chance my younger son feels bad about this whatsoever. He is much more focused on his friends and high school life.

There have been a few times where we only have one extra ticket to a basketball game or hockey game where someone gives DH two tickets. The older one has gone to more of those last min ones but the younger one has gotten tickets for him and his friends and has gone to waaaaay more events and outings in his life because the younger kid is super social.

My childhood friend had a sister who was better than her in almost everything. They were only a year apart. The younger sister was prettier, smarter and better liked. Everyone liked the sister more, including friends and family. My friend probably thought it was about looks but the younger sister has a very easy going personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Can you read? They are teenagers and I already said this. You are just trying to argue. It's not because one is a small kid. Stop showing favoritism to your niece or nephew.

Oh, I am very fair. I barely have a relationship with any of them and that is fine with me. Is that what you want?

DP but I have 2 easy kids and 1 difficult. I think family member do less with my kids than other family members because they don't want to show clear favoritism. So, they all miss out. That isn't what I want at all. The one missing out probably wouldn't care that much and we would just do something 1:1 with them anyway to make up for it and we'd all be much happier for it. Nobody wins by just avoiding the problem and trying to make things "even".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH’s sibling and the two children in question are all the same gender and there is no specific “shared interest” to explain this.

Why did you say siblings? And be honest about your kids. Do they act the same? Do they bicker relentlessly? Do you favor one over the other and are they taking out the black sheep to try to make up for it because you have an obvious Golden Child? I don't believe it's random and they flipped a coin and picked one.

Normally there is a reason - favorite one is:
Male
Better looking
Good athlete
Smart
Humor
Remind the person of themselves

Lest favorite might remind them of negative qualities in themselves

Obviously there is a reason and OP is avoiding the question other than to say it isn't about out shared interests. It probably means the less favored one is difficult to handle and OP doesn't want to acknowledge it.

I haven’t avoided the question. There is no reason. Doesn’t matter if you keep insisting there is. The only potential “reason” is favorite kid was the first baby born of that generation.

I mean, being older can be reason. I don’t like small kids and get along better with my older nieces (until the smaller ones get older). Now I like them all! But I didn’t care for any of them until they hit a certain level of maturity.

There IS a reason, you just either don’t know or are ignoring it.

Can you read? They are teenagers and I already said this. You are just trying to argue. It's not because one is a small kid. Stop showing favoritism to your niece or nephew.

Oh, I am very fair. I barely have a relationship with any of them and that is fine with me. Is that what you want?

If you are their aunt? Definitely.