STBX melting down during divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could mediate and not have this much drama.

Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody and call it a day. It is not that hard. "Lawyering up" is expensive and causes unecessary drama.

He probably thought you would not be doing "document requests" because a lot of divorces are not done that way. It is not hard to divorce in a way that causes less stress. But both parties have to agree and be rational and not fight with attorneys.

It sounds like you are choosing the fighting way.

Most men don't divorce "out of the blue."

There is nothing to fight over. Split 50/50 of martial assets and custody. Sign the agreement and file with the court.

If you choose the lawyer up way, that is on you. Play stupid games...

Unfortunately his mood when he filed was immediately to start hiding things. Including assets, bills, logins, etc.

So there is a lot do run down and it’s not a 50/50 situation. And he didn’t want 50/50 custody even though his attorney is using that as a boilerplate negotiating point so far.

Oh for god's sake, no one should be married and not know their partner's logins and all assets.

When people do this, they are not in a marriage.

If you do not have these now do this today people male or female I don't care do it today. Make copies of everything.

He changed logins for basic stuff before filing and/or added two-factor authentication for things we both had access to like our toll and electric bill.

Stock holdings that I am fully aware that were purchased with our marital assets but are held in a brokerage account in his name and show up in our joint tax return when shares have been sold are being hidden. He claims they were sold but won’t show me the brokerage statements showing that- only one statement from this month that shows a $0 balance.

Eventually we’ll receive the statements for our tax return that will show that everything was sold (or not).

This is probably the one area I’m willing to shell out for actual discovery because I think he shuffled those shares off somewhere right before filing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

As an example, STBX sent me an email last night saying he was really tried and didn’t have the bandwidth to pull [easily available document] for me and it was an excessive request anyway. For other stuff that included a joint tax return amendment that I didn’t have a copy of, he’s said “that’s my private information.” Unfortunately we do have to do discovery and it is doing to make him very hostile. I almost feel bad for his attorney when they have to explain to him how that will work.

That’s not for him nor you to decide.

That’s typical discovery during a divorce.

Is he really that entitled that he can decide on whim not to list his assets because he’s a private lazy person?!

Is he from a foreign country or ESOL?

He’s in for a rude awakening. But he’s probably had many series of those throughout his entire life.

He’s been pretty sheltered from rude awakenings but yes, I agree that he’s in for one. He is originally from outside the U.S. but an English-speaking country but has never engaged with any kind of legal system before. There are some basic things that anyone who has watched a legal show on tv would understand that seem to have already caught him by surprise.

Interesting. Are you in a position to ride this out? Like do you have housing and spousal support? Because it seems like if you don't do anything to move the ball forward, he just... won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

As an example, STBX sent me an email last night saying he was really tried and didn’t have the bandwidth to pull [easily available document] for me and it was an excessive request anyway. For other stuff that included a joint tax return amendment that I didn’t have a copy of, he’s said “that’s my private information.” Unfortunately we do have to do discovery and it is doing to make him very hostile. I almost feel bad for his attorney when they have to explain to him how that will work.

That’s not for him nor you to decide.

That’s typical discovery during a divorce.

Is he really that entitled that he can decide on whim not to list his assets because he’s a private lazy person?!

Is he from a foreign country or ESOL?

He’s in for a rude awakening. But he’s probably had many series of those throughout his entire life.

He’s been pretty sheltered from rude awakenings but yes, I agree that he’s in for one. He is originally from outside the U.S. but an English-speaking country but has never engaged with any kind of legal system before. There are some basic things that anyone who has watched a legal show on tv would understand that seem to have already caught him by surprise.

Interesting. Are you in a position to ride this out? Like do you have housing and spousal support? Because it seems like if you don't do anything to move the ball forward, he just... won't.

I am, actually.

I think it’s probably best to ride this out for a bit, if only to get clarity about his long-term intent, lock down my own plans, and give the kids time to establish a bit of stability at the beginning of the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex was/is like this. Everything was my fault, so he wanted a divorce. Then the divorce didn't magically get done because I didn't do it for him, and he got mad about that. What he hasn't quite realized is how he's responsible for himself/his life. The good news is, he now has a much better dynamic to learn in, as I'm no longer available to fill in the gaps and tie it all together for him.

His loss.

Let me guess - he was at least somewhat emotionally and verbally abusive.

Not as much verbally as emotionally (and financially), but yes.

[Anonymous]

Who cares?
He’s no longer your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

There is a middle ground between pity/handholding and the contempt that oozes from the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

There is a middle ground between pity/handholding and the contempt that oozes from the OP.

I guess she feels about as much contempt for him as he does for her. Get off it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

There is a middle ground between pity/handholding and the contempt that oozes from the OP.

NP. I think OP sounds very objective in describing an enormously frustrating situation. And who wouldn’t be contemptuous of the sort of person who files for divorce and then is upset that he has to fulfill all the obligations that come along with divorce proceedings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

There is a middle ground between pity/handholding and the contempt that oozes from the OP.

I guess she feels about as much contempt for him as he does for her. Get off it.

Op and I can’t say I felt contempt for him until he had a midlife crisis or whatever this is and bailed on our family. But I will admit that did certainly inspire contempt. Who files, bails on kids, and acts like everyone else has caused them an inconvenience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine was like that. He could only see what was in front of him at that moment. He saw everything in separate blocks making no connections. He had no idea his behavior caused all his problems.
Everything was black and white. He had ASD he didn't know about it. Most of his family does.
He had no capacity to see the whole picture.
He is no more. I saw it coming or at least a huge possibility. His huge family didn't.
OP, you are probably not dealing with the healthiest person.

OP here and i just reread this comment and am trying to understand what I’m reading. It sounds like your ex is maybe no longer alive due to mental health issues? I’m sorry, that sounds like a really horrible situation. Something is going on with my DH’s mental health but I don’t know what. The most I felt I could do was ask the two people I know he talks to to please keep an eye on him and I said it in the vaguest way possible. I haven’t spoken to them since because it’s no longer my place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex was/is like this. Everything was my fault, so he wanted a divorce. Then the divorce didn't magically get done because I didn't do it for him, and he got mad about that. What he hasn't quite realized is how he's responsible for himself/his life. The good news is, he now has a much better dynamic to learn in, as I'm no longer available to fill in the gaps and tie it all together for him.

His loss.

Let me guess - he was at least somewhat emotionally and verbally abusive.

+1. Seen this pattern of “communication” when something needed to get done. Power and control…. Plus look totally juvenile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

There is a middle ground between pity/handholding and the contempt that oozes from the OP.

NP. I think OP sounds very objective in describing an enormously frustrating situation. And who wouldn’t be contemptuous of the sort of person who files for divorce and then is upset that he has to fulfill all the obligations that come along with divorce proceedings?

Nothing about her description was objective at all. It was hall super emotive and intended to paint a belittling caricature. She admits to harboring doubts about his character for some time. She implies she wanted this divorce and is pleased he initiated it.

So, yeah, this isn’t a case of he is a dufus and she is some perfect victim. My guess he is felt her contempt for him radiating from him for years.

I wouldn’t be shocked to learn there hadn’t been sex in ages, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Who cares?
He’s no longer your problem.

They ain’t separated or divorced yet Pp.
Plus they have school aged children.
They’re all shackled to this fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

There is a middle ground between pity/handholding and the contempt that oozes from the OP.

I guess she feels about as much contempt for him as he does for her. Get off it.

Op and I can’t say I felt contempt for him until he had a midlife crisis or whatever this is and bailed on our family. But I will admit that did certainly inspire contempt. Who files, bails on kids, and acts like everyone else has caused them an inconvenience?

A selfish golden child narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience this? STBX/former DH initiated divorce pretty much out of nowhere in a male menopause midlife crisis sort of moment.

He is a smart and successful man, but I don’t know that he thought much beyond filing, and it turns out that attorneys don’t coach you through that before you hire them- they just file and keep moving you along.

I’m relieved that he filed and gave me some clarity about aspects of his character that I had been doubting.

But he seems to be falling apart and inconvenienced, frustrated, and tantruming about his own choice to divorce. He is making both attorneys mad by not cooperating with things like basic document requests. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not responsible for supporting his needs anymore, and he throws a fit whenever there’s a deadline that conflicts with things he’s rather do or his work schedule. He doesn’t want to talk about housing or money and is basically putting his fingers in his ears.

Has anyone else experienced a short-sighted divorce initiator? I can’t believe my STBX was so naive as to not think beyond the impulse to file and consider what life might look like age that, yet somehow he found the energy to actually find an attorney and file. It’s like he was briefly fueled by short-term spite but now there’s nothing left in the tank.

He chose this! What’s his problem?!

I don’t know, but I think i understand from the contempt that oozes from your post why he is divorcing you. I wish him peace.

Should she feel sorry for him? Hold his hand?

You're unbelievable and probably a man child like the one who is trying to divorce OP.

Your misandry is almost as gross as I am certain your appearance must be.

OP sounds like a real arrogant piece of work. I wouldn’t want to be married to her either.

DCUM troll sockpuppet