Most important factor for strong sex life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read smutty romance books and they do honestly get me in the mood. Paired with excellent foreplay, and that’s the key for me.

Can you provide a few titles?

[Anonymous]

Privacy, whether that’s a primary bathroom, time at home without kids there, early bedtime, etc. We are unfortunately in a time of life where our kids stay up late, I’m back in the office full-time, and we all share a bathroom (old house). Sex has dropped to 1x per week (I would like 3-4x per week).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

This is me. Unfortunately my DH can't appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

For me, it's having a partner who
1. talks to me (about life, about us, about his own "stuff") every now and then
2. thinks sex is FUN. is playful and curious and enjoys the journey and is open-minded

that's it.

[Anonymous]

Same desire.. wife barely wants it or initiates anything. I could have it everyday , multiple times a day. On the other hand, 2-3 weeks for her seems like a lot. Sucks….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

This is me. Unfortunately my DH can't appreciate it.

Plenty of DHs will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you both work, you need to find somewhere to dump the kids regularly.

By the time our oldest gets to bed each night, we are spent.

Morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physical fitness and personal hygiene.

I don’t know that it’s this. Nearly everyone on here (and everyone I know IRL) who complains about a sexless marriage describes themselves and their spouse as being physically fit and attractive.

lol you need to get their spouse's take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

I don’t disagree but I’m troubled that you describe such a woman as a “freak.” This is a large part of the problem. Women are socialized NOT to learn how to please themselves, or have a dirty mind, and when they do, you call them a freak (and probably a “slut” they you would bang but not marry if you met her in college). Yet, that’s who you wish you married 20 years later when your “nice girl” wife is over sex.

Maybe we need to think about raising boys and men not to be so judgmental about women who are comfortable so the their bodies and sex, so there are more of them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

Honestly? This is closer to the average woman than you seem to think. My freak flag flies higher than most of the men I've met; y'all have trouble keeping up.

You are not the average woman, by a long, long shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

I don’t disagree but I’m troubled that you describe such a woman as a “freak.” This is a large part of the problem. Women are socialized NOT to learn how to please themselves, or have a dirty mind, and when they do, you call them a freak (and probably a “slut” they you would bang but not marry if you met her in college). Yet, that’s who you wish you married 20 years later when your “nice girl” wife is over sex.

Maybe we need to think about raising boys and men not to be so judgmental about women who are comfortable so the their bodies and sex, so there are more of them!

Preach!

Some men practically select for frigidity and then get surprised by the dead bedroom. Guys, here is a PSA: if a reasonably fit and attractive young woman likes sex, she is having it. And if she is having it, she probably has a “body count”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Housework and chores.

The maid and pool boy agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aside from having a strong relationship, what’s most important to maintaining your strong sex life?

Putting the kids to bed early. Bedroom on separate floor from the kids. Working from home. Scheduling sex. Just some potential answers to name a few.

Both people having the same desire level. If the desire level is not the same it will just cause huge problems over time.

Meh. I think the failure to understand that your partner is a person with equally valid preferences is the bigger problem. I’m not talking about someone who never wants to have sex but more like the scenario of 1x/week vs 4x/week. If you decide you are a victim of your partner’s disorderd “desire level” then you are not going to be happy. Especially considering that nobody’s desire level is constant over time.

The real secret is that the woman needs to want to have orgasms, and the man has to be able to give them to her on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

I think there might be something to this.

lol no. It’s that the average man is bad in bed. The secret is for the man to be better-than-average at pleasing women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

I don’t disagree but I’m troubled that you describe such a woman as a “freak.” This is a large part of the problem. Women are socialized NOT to learn how to please themselves, or have a dirty mind, and when they do, you call them a freak (and probably a “slut” they you would bang but not marry if you met her in college). Yet, that’s who you wish you married 20 years later when your “nice girl” wife is over sex.

Maybe we need to think about raising boys and men not to be so judgmental about women who are comfortable so the their bodies and sex, so there are more of them!

Great point. The woman is “dirty” and a “freak” whereas the man is just “average.”