Most important factor for strong sex life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aside from having a strong relationship, what’s most important to maintaining your strong sex life?

Putting the kids to bed early. Bedroom on separate floor from the kids. Working from home. Scheduling sex. Just some potential answers to name a few.

Both people having the same desire level. If the desire level is not the same it will just cause huge problems over time.

This.

We’ve been married for 17 years. Babies, little kids, teenagers, weight gain, work, house renovations- you name it, we’ve had it. And we had regular sex throughout it and still do, because we both like it and need it. Neither of us would be considered hot by DCUM standards, but here we are at 47 and 52.

[Anonymous]

Having sexual chemistry with your partner. Having similar levels is also key. If you’re the low desire one, find strategies that work to keep your high desire partner happy. If your desire has gone down from what it used to be, find ways to address it… don’t just think it’s OK with your partner.

[Anonymous]

Having an imagination and a willingness to explore. Drive is great, but even the best chocolate cake isn't great if it's all you have, day in, day out. What keeps it going is a combination of trust and novelty. Trust that your relationship is good and your partner cares about you, and willingness to explore beyond "the usual".

Even people with high drives get stuck in the rut of "the way we usually do it" and it's death to a strong sex life.

[Anonymous]

Having a side slice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hot wife

Hasn’t worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Just raw F’ing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having grandparents that take the kids for a Saturday a few time a month. A day of rest and no kid obligations makes it all so much easier. And we usually have day sex before going out to dinner and indulging too much in food and wine.

This is hyper specific but I do think the general idea that there are non-parent caregivers on the scene who can take some of the burden of not just childcare but being really trusted adults, sources of fun, shoulders to cry on, etc.

One thing I see among many moms is that the emotional burden of parenting is drowing them. It's not just about the acts of supervising kids or feeding them, signing them for activities, taking care of school stuff, etc. All of that can be stressful if not shared with a spouse for sure but I don't think on its own it's that different from having a job. But being the person in charge of really caring about your kids, being invested in them as people, caring about their feelings, etc., impacts sex drive specifically because it's so emotional, and when you are emotionally drained it can be really hard to become aroused.

Ideally you coparent is taking on a lot of that emotional work too, but men are not always socialized to do this and there can be a big learning curve. Grandparents, nannies, other community members can really help by being someone their kids can come to with their feelings so it's not all on mom.

I feel like this subject is bigger than this thread but I wish we'd talk more about what it means to be the emotionally available parent instead of always bickering over household chores and whose with the kids more. To me, this is the crux of it -- moms are expected to emotionally support everyone in the family but often no one supports them emotionally. It's a big problem.

x1000

[Anonymous]

Be respectable and respect each other.

[Anonymous]

Having a big p nis.

[Anonymous]

having lots of sex. that's the biggest factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opportunity. If you can’t get alone time get a room. $150 is worth it

Sorry but a room at Motel 6 is disgusting and definitely NOT going to get me in the mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having grandparents that take the kids for a Saturday a few time a month. A day of rest and no kid obligations makes it all so much easier. And we usually have day sex before going out to dinner and indulging too much in food and wine.

This is hyper specific but I do think the general idea that there are non-parent caregivers on the scene who can take some of the burden of not just childcare but being really trusted adults, sources of fun, shoulders to cry on, etc.

One thing I see among many moms is that the emotional burden of parenting is drowing them. It's not just about the acts of supervising kids or feeding them, signing them for activities, taking care of school stuff, etc. All of that can be stressful if not shared with a spouse for sure but I don't think on its own it's that different from having a job. But being the person in charge of really caring about your kids, being invested in them as people, caring about their feelings, etc., impacts sex drive specifically because it's so emotional, and when you are emotionally drained it can be really hard to become aroused.

Ideally you coparent is taking on a lot of that emotional work too, but men are not always socialized to do this and there can be a big learning curve. Grandparents, nannies, other community members can really help by being someone their kids can come to with their feelings so it's not all on mom.

I feel like this subject is bigger than this thread but I wish we'd talk more about what it means to be the emotionally available parent instead of always bickering over household chores and whose with the kids more. To me, this is the crux of it -- moms are expected to emotionally support everyone in the family but often no one supports them emotionally. It's a big problem.

This! I could have written this myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aside from having a strong relationship, what’s most important to maintaining your strong sex life?

Putting the kids to bed early. Bedroom on separate floor from the kids. Working from home. Scheduling sex. Just some potential answers to name a few.

Both people having the same desire level. If the desire level is not the same it will just cause huge problems over time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Imagination

[Anonymous]

Housework and chores.