Has your freshman made friends?
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Anonymous
I’m not the OP but I have a daughter that is at a small enough college that there are only two freshman from the area at her school. If I posted her school it would remove the anonymity of the post. (My daughter made friends immediately at her school and is loving it, but I can’t post the school for that either) |
Anonymous
Exactly, it doesn’t matter. Whoever posts their kid is having the time of their lives, there are others that could have written this post. It takes time everywhere. Much of it is dumb luck as to who you get as your roommate, on your floor, orientation groups, happened to stand next to you, etc. It is early days, all of these friendships will ebb and flow. Kids form groups out of convenience in the beginning, they are not rooted. |
Anonymous
| It takes time for kids to find their people and all the happy social media images of kids running around with a pack of new college friends on Day 3 should be taken with a grain of salt. And there are natural and inevitable shifts as the semester/year progresses and kids get settled into their classes, clubs, sports, etc. encourage your kid to be open to different opportunities and experiences and hopefully they’ll find their people over time. |
Anonymous
+ 1 |
Anonymous
I can tell you from the parent boards that there are a quite a few people posting with similar concerns. The advice is always pretty similar - they need to look into joining clubs that have both a social aspect and an activity where you all meet at least one time a week if not more. If they missed the activity fair, they should go to the list of organizations and follow-up with a few. Having repeated exposure to the same people that have a common interest with designated time to be social without your kid needing to plan the outing is helpful. At my one kid’s school there are one or two really social club sports that parents mention as a way to get involved. Patents will also mention the service fraternities, service organizations, certain religious clubs/groups, a female workout group, board game group etc. I would recommend they look into at least one activity that doesn’t cut people either via application or competitive tryout. Both of my kids met their future roommates thru a club they joined at school. I will add that it helps if they try a few things to see what sticks. Also jobs that have a group of students that see each other often and have time to get to know each other and study groups (thru the university or on their own) are the other ways people make close friends. My kids don’t have majors where a persistent study group is common and their jobs on campus didn’t really lend themselves to getting to know other students - but I definitely heard of people meeting their friends (and significant other) that way. |
Anonymous
Way too early to worry. They'll make friends in classes, clubs, or a PT job in a place with lots of other students (one of mine works in a coffee shop, and one is a lifeguard on campus). Oldest made lifelong friends with roommates from freshman year, youngest parted with their roommate after year one, never to be seen again - roomed with people of their choice years 2 and 3 (the same people). Every kid is different |
Anonymous
| My freshman daughter says she met and knows a ton of people, but doesn't feel she has a solidified close friend or friend group yet. Roommate is nice and they get along. It's early days and hoping she makes some deeper connections in her classes and when activities start up. She constantly goes out to events, club info sessions and parties. I told her it takes time to settle in. Her school has rush second semester and that is another opportunity down the road. She is busy and happy enough, but is the kind of kid who seeks strong friendships so I hope that materializes sooner rather than later |
Anonymous
| I have seen those large friend groups in the first few weeks. How often do they last for 4 years and beyond? |
Anonymous
Strong friendships take time. |
Anonymous
Same here. my daughter left high school with 6 friends that she'll know until she's 80. Looking for the same in college and knows it will take time but in the meantime she's lonely. She's met a million people and has had a ton of coffee dates and meals with new friends (girls) but having a hard time finding those she really clicks with. |
Anonymous
| My DS seems to be settling in with a group, but it’s all fellow football players. It’s not surprising because of all the time they spend together and the fact they did fall camp together before classes started. But I had hoped he would really connect with non athletes to maximize his experience. Hopefully will get better over time. |
Anonymous
Don’t worry. He’s definitely “connecting” with a lot of non athlete girls. |
Anonymous
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NP. Yes, my freshman has apparently made a few friends with whom she goes to meals with, etc.
But the reason I wanted to weigh in is because I think there is a variety of approaches that colleges take to orientation. I was really interested in Haverford College's orientation week which seems to really focus on fostering new friendships and a sense of belonging; my DC did not apply though, simply because she wanted to attend a bigger school. DC was interested in McGill but their orientation is mainly a weekend that apparently focuses on going out to clubs/bars in the city. Since she isn't the kind of person who is proactive about meeting new people, I didn't think she could make friends easily in that situation. For unrelated reasons she opted for another university and I was relieved that it has a very robust orientation week (also "dry"); the many activities have given her chances to get to know other kids--though mainly in her dorm at this point. |
Anonymous
| My kid went to his instate flagship and seems to be mostly hanging out with his four friends from high school. I guess that is ok but I worry that he is missing the opportunity to make new friends in these first months when that's the time to make friends. He sounds happy, so that's good. |
Anonymous
| Another vote for joining clubs or extracurricular activities. My freshman son joined one fairly time-intensive group plus two other more casual groups. It's been great on so many levels. He's met a bunch of people - clicks with some better than others, of course, and really strong friendships take time - but at least he has people to hang out with. Since they met through a group, not just random hallway assignments, they know they have at least one strong common interest. And sometimes it's nice just to have a place to go and something to do. Some of them attend school events as a club, so he has a built-in group to go to the football game with, or whatever. And they arrange social outings like going for a hike or a game of ultimate frisbee. |