The "village". Why communal child rearing doesn't translate easily to American culture.

[Anonymous]

You can’t have a village when all the adults work outside the home at a paid job.

[Anonymous]

i think a lot of the "village" crowd are idealizing things majorly.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to be part of a village besides friendly hellos and other superficial interactions, which I enjoy. But I'd like to keep most people at arns' length. I think the idea is overidealized and so are family ties. Some work, some don't. I have plenty of friends and family members but I don't want a lot of attention or constant companionship. I don't idealize an Amish barn building or quilting bee, but lots of people do.

People should stop idealizing these things and shouldn't feel wanting if they don't have them. We're not all meant for close community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think a lot of the "village" crowd are idealizing things majorly.

Well right, clearly plenty of women wanted careers. But the grass is always greener, especially given other societal trends.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 teens and my parents are the same. My mom told me "I raised my kids and I'm not helping you raise yours". I remember that message from when I was a small child. I've never asked her to look after my kids - I know the answer. Plus a nanny will follow my rules.



That's a shame. I'm a single mother who moved in with my mother after she had a stroke. She recovered and I've never moved out. She retired and then the next month, I got a teaching job with the same hours as my DD's school. My mom dropped my DD off and picked her up at school for the next 7-8 yrs. Our DD is very close to her even now. She is extremely helpful now that my mom is elderly and has a million doctor's appointments. Now my DD is the one driving her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re incorrect. I think it comes down to the fact that American women can earn money and aren’t interested in providing free labor for others. I’d argue people in your village didn’t have good opportunities, including even leisure activities, and were expected to provide unpaid labor.

Individualism mindset. Refusal to help each other even though it is what is best for everyone. “Free Labor” you mean helping out your family members???

DP
I would consider that free labor as it mostly falls unfairly to women who are treated as "less than" - in other cultures and in ours.

+100000

A village just means relying on unpaid female labor. That’s it. Usually because people don’t have any money or means to outsource care.

Many Americans help out family members. There’s a difference between occasionally helping a family member out, and being a full time caregiver.

#1, not necessarily, #2, if “unpaid labor” is reciprocated, it doesn’t really matter that it’s “female labor.”

I have seen how this works in my family. People contribute their time, their knowledge, their skills. Your 2nd cousin the doctor will come with you to your appointment when you’ve gotten a bad diagnosis. Your rich brother will pitch in so you go on a nicer vacation with him or get your kids nice things for school. Your older relative will watch your kids after school (NOT full time caregiving!!). It’s a social safety net. Right now Americans don’t have that- from the government or their families. We’re big losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re incorrect. I think it comes down to the fact that American women can earn money and aren’t interested in providing free labor for others. I’d argue people in your village didn’t have good opportunities, including even leisure activities, and were expected to provide unpaid labor.

Individualism mindset. Refusal to help each other even though it is what is best for everyone. “Free Labor” you mean helping out your family members???

DP
I would consider that free labor as it mostly falls unfairly to women who are treated as "less than" - in other cultures and in ours.

+100000

A village just means relying on unpaid female labor. That’s it. Usually because people don’t have any money or means to outsource care.

Many Americans help out family members. There’s a difference between occasionally helping a family member out, and being a full time caregiver.

#1, not necessarily, #2, if “unpaid labor” is reciprocated, it doesn’t really matter that it’s “female labor.”

I have seen how this works in my family. People contribute their time, their knowledge, their skills. Your 2nd cousin the doctor will come with you to your appointment when you’ve gotten a bad diagnosis. Your rich brother will pitch in so you go on a nicer vacation with him or get your kids nice things for school. Your older relative will watch your kids after school (NOT full time caregiving!!). It’s a social safety net. Right now Americans don’t have that- from the government or their families. We’re big losers.

Exactly. We are middle eastern Americans and this is how we operate!

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re writing about some supposedly “American” culture as though it’s monolithic. It’s not.

[Anonymous]

What’s with this weird HS short essay situation?

[Anonymous]

“The village” concepts is only applicable for keeping kids alive. It really isn’t meant for raising kids at today’s standards of travel sports, math tutor to get your kid 3 yrs accelerated, private music lessons, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s with this weird HS short essay situation?

Probably AI or chatGPT

[Anonymous]

A lot of people don’t really like their extended family and don’t want them raising their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people don’t really like their extended family and don’t want them raising their kids

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re incorrect. I think it comes down to the fact that American women can earn money and aren’t interested in providing free labor for others. I’d argue people in your village didn’t have good opportunities, including even leisure activities, and were expected to provide unpaid labor.

Individualism mindset. Refusal to help each other even though it is what is best for everyone. “Free Labor” you mean helping out your family members???

DP
I would consider that free labor as it mostly falls unfairly to women who are treated as "less than" - in other cultures and in ours.

+100000

A village just means relying on unpaid female labor. That’s it. Usually because people don’t have any money or means to outsource care.

Many Americans help out family members. There’s a difference between occasionally helping a family member out, and being a full time caregiver.

#1, not necessarily, #2, if “unpaid labor” is reciprocated, it doesn’t really matter that it’s “female labor.”

I have seen how this works in my family. People contribute their time, their knowledge, their skills. Your 2nd cousin the doctor will come with you to your appointment when you’ve gotten a bad diagnosis. Your rich brother will pitch in so you go on a nicer vacation with him or get your kids nice things for school. Your older relative will watch your kids after school (NOT full time caregiving!!). It’s a social safety net. Right now Americans don’t have that- from the government or their families. We’re big losers.

Re point #2 yes it does matter if is reciprocated because while the women are taking care of family members, the men are sitting around eating food they didn’t cook and watching sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re incorrect. I think it comes down to the fact that American women can earn money and aren’t interested in providing free labor for others. I’d argue people in your village didn’t have good opportunities, including even leisure activities, and were expected to provide unpaid labor.

Individualism mindset. Refusal to help each other even though it is what is best for everyone. “Free Labor” you mean helping out your family members???

DP
I would consider that free labor as it mostly falls unfairly to women who are treated as "less than" - in other cultures and in ours.

+100000

A village just means relying on unpaid female labor. That’s it. Usually because people don’t have any money or means to outsource care.

Many Americans help out family members. There’s a difference between occasionally helping a family member out, and being a full time caregiver.

#1, not necessarily, #2, if “unpaid labor” is reciprocated, it doesn’t really matter that it’s “female labor.”

I have seen how this works in my family. People contribute their time, their knowledge, their skills. Your 2nd cousin the doctor will come with you to your appointment when you’ve gotten a bad diagnosis. Your rich brother will pitch in so you go on a nicer vacation with him or get your kids nice things for school. Your older relative will watch your kids after school (NOT full time caregiving!!). It’s a social safety net. Right now Americans don’t have that- from the government or their families. We’re big losers.

Re point #2 yes it does matter if is reciprocated because while the women are taking care of family members, the men are sitting around eating food they didn’t cook and watching sports.

+1 I think this is most true when the kids are little. Taking care of young kids is relentless work.