The "village". Why communal child rearing doesn't translate easily to American culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s with this weird HS short essay situation?

It's a propaganda post as are some of the supportive replies. It's more from the same ilk that wants women out of the workforce and doing all the childcare, home care etc. Expect to see more of this the same way we are inundated with SAHM posts regularly now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re incorrect. I think it comes down to the fact that American women can earn money and aren’t interested in providing free labor for others. I’d argue people in your village didn’t have good opportunities, including even leisure activities, and were expected to provide unpaid labor.

Individualism mindset. Refusal to help each other even though it is what is best for everyone. “Free Labor” you mean helping out your family members???

DP
I would consider that free labor as it mostly falls unfairly to women who are treated as "less than" - in other cultures and in ours.

+100000

A village just means relying on unpaid female labor. That’s it. Usually because people don’t have any money or means to outsource care.

Many Americans help out family members. There’s a difference between occasionally helping a family member out, and being a full time caregiver.

#1, not necessarily, #2, if “unpaid labor” is reciprocated, it doesn’t really matter that it’s “female labor.”

I have seen how this works in my family. People contribute their time, their knowledge, their skills. Your 2nd cousin the doctor will come with you to your appointment when you’ve gotten a bad diagnosis. Your rich brother will pitch in so you go on a nicer vacation with him or get your kids nice things for school. Your older relative will watch your kids after school (NOT full time caregiving!!). It’s a social safety net. Right now Americans don’t have that- from the government or their families. We’re big losers.

Exactly. We are middle eastern Americans and this is how we operate!

I think the two of you are being disingenuous. Typical of posts that claim an entire area instead of a specific culture. Anyway sure there's some positives to "village" concept of raising children.family but there are also drawbacks.

[Anonymous]

Individualism is definitely an major aspect of White American culture and many people of all backgrounds like it. When people here talk about a "village" they are thinking about government funded supports, which I think are important and we need more of.

Cultures that are more communal can be wonderful too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Individualism is definitely an major aspect of White American culture and many people of all backgrounds like it. When people here talk about a "village" they are thinking about government funded supports, which I think are important and we need more of.

Cultures that are more communal can be wonderful too.

It can also be toxic. The whole “family is everything” motto can lead to people staying in situations with family members who are toxic and damaging because “they are family” further extending generational damage.

[Anonymous]

Lawsuits in American culture.

[Anonymous]

When Americans talk about wanting a village, they obviously mean one that shares their values. I think many Gem X and Millennial parents grew up in homes where grandparents were present and involved, and were surprised when their Boomer parents had no interest in that kind of set up.

Most UMC Americans who say they want a village, they are talking about the Western European approach where countries offer better healthcare and benefits for pregnant mothers and new parents, and where the culture places importance on children/families instead of viewing it as a lifestyle choice only. Especially seen in Scandinavia.

Of course most Americans are not envisioning a village like what you find in African or Middle Eastern cultures, as most Americans are not African or middle Eastern.

[Anonymous]

It’s a total joke that we are “individualistic” when really we are victims of capitalism. It’s capitalism, OP.

[Anonymous]

American culture is very individualistic and very cut throat. Look at the number of posts on here that say cut them out of your life, divorce him. The culture here is to cut anyone out of your life who doesn’t think the same as you and do what you want them to do when you want them to do it. People don’t help each other or even like most other people. People think it is better to be alone then to have someone around you who thinks or acts or feels differently than you. It’s a very me centered cultures where I I I and me me me are the main themes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American culture is very individualistic and very cut throat. Look at the number of posts on here that say cut them out of your life, divorce him. The culture here is to cut anyone out of your life who doesn’t think the same as you and do what you want them to do when you want them to do it. People don’t help each other or even like most other people. People think it is better to be alone then to have someone around you who thinks or acts or feels differently than you. It’s a very me centered cultures where I I I and me me me are the main themes.

Where do you live? In my corner of suburbia we have a nice balance of privacy and respect and yet I could call almost anyone in one of the 40 houses in my neighborhood for help if I needed it and it would appear and I would do the same for them.

[Anonymous]

I feel like my community took a good turn rearing me a lot when I was growing up.

[Anonymous]

It’s the individualistic culture. My parents made it clear we were to be out of the house at 18, on our own, and they “weren’t here to raise grandkids” when the time came. I get it, they don’t owe us anything…but there’s two sides to that coin.

[Anonymous]

I don't want that kind of village.

What upsets me is that I feel like everything is actively working against me. For instance, my DD really wanted to do this robotics club after school. She begged and begged. Well it doesn't start until mid October and only runs until 4:30. I can make 4:30 work by taking annual leave daily, but what did the school think we'd do between the start of school and mid October? Since I hadn't heard anything, I enrolled the kids in childcare and it's for an entire semester. How is it that childcare places completely understand what dates they need to run, but school is so oblivious? School is just always out of touch. I guess robotics is just for kids with SAHMs?

I feel like school could take so much pressure off everyone if it ran for 8 hours a day and stopped all these random days off. More week long breaks, less random days. I can easily get a camp for a week off of school. Or somehow run 10 hours a day. Not extending teacher's workdays, but maybe staggering specials teachers? Kids apparently don't have time to each lunch, little to no recess time, and there's no time for things like music or languages, so maybe more time is what's needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is very individualistic and very cut throat. Look at the number of posts on here that say cut them out of your life, divorce him. The culture here is to cut anyone out of your life who doesn’t think the same as you and do what you want them to do when you want them to do it. People don’t help each other or even like most other people. People think it is better to be alone then to have someone around you who thinks or acts or feels differently than you. It’s a very me centered cultures where I I I and me me me are the main themes.

Where do you live? In my corner of suburbia we have a nice balance of privacy and respect and yet I could call almost anyone in one of the 40 houses in my neighborhood for help if I needed it and it would appear and I would do the same for them.

That's because you live in a nice neighborhood. Go to the bad ones and there are users and takers everywhere. People who stick you with your kids and don't return on time, don't feed them, don't even thank you and expect for you to keep doing it because you have a nicer life than they do. I was told by one mom that I should feed her kids and give them snacks because "I can afford it." There are so many people who think that others just owe them things, and they have no personal responsibility.

I run into people like this selling on FB marketplace too. I was giving away a nice dresser for free when I was accosted with how I should deliver it to her because she's a single mom and clearly I can afford it. I actually had multiple people say things like that to me on just one ad.

But yes, I too live in a nice neighborhood now. My pregnant neighbor started having seizures in the middle of the night and every house would have shown up to watch her other kids at 2am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s with this weird HS short essay situation?

It's a propaganda post as are some of the supportive replies. It's more from the same ilk that wants women out of the workforce and doing all the childcare, home care etc. Expect to see more of this the same way we are inundated with SAHM posts regularly now.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re incorrect. I think it comes down to the fact that American women can earn money and aren’t interested in providing free labor for others. I’d argue people in your village didn’t have good opportunities, including even leisure activities, and were expected to provide unpaid labor.

This isn’t true. We are middle eastern and most of the women in my family are physicians and the same mindset applies. People pour their resources into others and have the community return the favor. Taking care of children collectively facilitates women working and doing more. When my husband was little a woman related to one of his relatives by marriage took care of him after school for free because she was an empty nester and she is family. This let his mother work without worry. His mother died younger but she surely would have done the same.

So basically OLD women are expected to work for free.

And in exchange they don’t get dumped in a nursing home like yesterday’s trash when they’re older and can no longer take care of themselves like in America.