RTO with pre-teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think everyone is being too hard on you - several unattended hours after school in middle school is a lot. And it sounds like you are somewhere this could be a problem. In Maryland 12.5 is not old enough to babysit, but is old enough to be home alone. Can you hire someone a few days a week - maybe offering some flexibility to the person you hire would help and then either the kids are alone a few days or you ask to finish your days at home a few days? This would decrease your cost. You could possibly ask for someone to do some household tasks. I think taking the financial hit is better than giving up your job.

I don’t know any middle schoolers with a babysitter. A middle school child is capable of being home with a 10yo sibling!

I do know parents who hire drivers, tutors and housekeepers.

Fine so then call this a tutor. OP I wonder if a local HS kid might be up for this. Make some $ and they can just sit and do their homework at your house.

+1 - I don't get this I don't know middle school kids with nanny's, but a tutor, club, or driver as childcare is somehow different? Help OP brainstorm some ideas or respond to a different thread.

I have 2 kids in high school now and one in elementary.

I stopped working when I had my youngest. I found the driving and managing upper elementary and middle school to be the most challenging because my two tweens had practice daily and multiple games per week compared to when they were younger doing rec with one practice per week and one game on the weekends. Practice and games also often are not local anymore.

It doesn’t sound like OP has the salary but we do know families who keep full time help of older kids. They mostly do cooking and cleaning and will drive kids. These are high paid professionals.

Normal families seem to use SACC for elementary. I can’t think of one kid who had a nanny or babysitter in middle school but I don’t know all the kids. I do know middle school kids who babysit.

[Anonymous]

After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

[Anonymous]

When I was a kid in the eighties, my best friend babysat her sister for allowance. She was 11 and her sister was 6.

Maybe you can incentivize your older child to take care of the little one. I’m sure your 12yo will want things in middle school whether it is money for Sephora, robux, new sneakers, labubus, etc. Give them chores to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people I know in this situation have after school Nannie’s or au pairs

Op here. Considering our salaries, I’d quit before getting an au pair or nanny. My take home after paying for that kind of support would be about $2k. I can find a much less demanding part time job for that net take home.

Quit then. And take care of your kids.

[Anonymous]

We had a part time nanny that was a retired woman but then had them coming home 1-2 days a week to empty house as we returned to office after pandemic.

One thing to consistent is not just your take home pay after paying for after care but also your benefits and future earning capacity. Wil you be giving up 401k or pension or healthcare thru employer? Will you be jeopardizing your long term earning capacity? A lot of women quit their jobs because they aren’t earning “enough” to justify child care but without considering the long term impact on your career. This is a problem for a few years and you probably have decades more in the workforce. Some professionals (teachers, nurses) are able to step away or go part time without much long term risk. Other professionals (lawyers, medical research, etc.) may never be able to get back on the same salary trajectory.

[Anonymous]

You keep your job given the likely difficult task of finding a new one and you level with your kids about their new responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

[Anonymous]

You either hire help or they are latchkey kids. There isn’t a secret solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think everyone is being too hard on you - several unattended hours after school in middle school is a lot. And it sounds like you are somewhere this could be a problem. In Maryland 12.5 is not old enough to babysit, but is old enough to be home alone. Can you hire someone a few days a week - maybe offering some flexibility to the person you hire would help and then either the kids are alone a few days or you ask to finish your days at home a few days? This would decrease your cost. You could possibly ask for someone to do some household tasks. I think taking the financial hit is better than giving up your job.

I don’t know any middle schoolers with a babysitter. A middle school child is capable of being home with a 10yo sibling!

I do know parents who hire drivers, tutors and housekeepers.

Fine so then call this a tutor. OP I wonder if a local HS kid might be up for this. Make some $ and they can just sit and do their homework at your house.

+1 - I don't get this I don't know middle school kids with nanny's, but a tutor, club, or driver as childcare is somehow different? Help OP brainstorm some ideas or respond to a different thread.

OP literally just wants someone at home with the kids and we are telling her she doesn't need that for those ages. If she were saying "my kid needs to get to practice" or "my kid isnt passing math" then yeah you look for solutions. But her problem has the most easy solution: teach your kids your expectations of them when they are home alone and go forth. You do not need to create an issue to look for care for these ages. They are fine to go home. Just put rules in place for what they are expected to do or not do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

I’m in a similar position - my company walked back on wfh. I might quit but right now we have full time help. I wouldn’t leave pre teens to their own devices to get home from school and stay there alone all week. Sorry OP. I think tweens still need supervision and parents or another caretaking adult need to know what they’re up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

I’m in a similar position - my company walked back on wfh. I might quit but right now we have full time help. I wouldn’t leave pre teens to their own devices to get home from school and stay there alone all week. Sorry OP. I think tweens still need supervision and parents or another caretaking adult need to know what they’re up to.

If your 10 and 12 year old are unable to be alone for an hour a day that indicates a deeper problem to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

I’m in a similar position - my company walked back on wfh. I might quit but right now we have full time help. I wouldn’t leave pre teens to their own devices to get home from school and stay there alone all week. Sorry OP. I think tweens still need supervision and parents or another caretaking adult need to know what they’re up to.

If your 10 and 12 year old are unable to be alone for an hour a day that indicates a deeper problem to me.

How many of those fine with leaving kids alone in a questionable situation balk at leaving their dog home alone and need to take it everywhere. Leave it alone in the yard? Goodness, no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of childcare have you found since you've returned to the office? My kids are too old for daycare and nannies, too young to let themselves into the house and be trusted to not fight or have good street sense to protect themselves while walking home. If you're in a similar situation, how have you found childcare or other ways to keep them in a supervised situation? I'm looking at afterschool clubs, but they all don't go to 5 pm of course. We don't have any relatives nearby, they're all several hours or a plane ride away. We don't know any neighbors well enough, either, to ask if our kids could sit on their porch doing homework (that's how my mom managed things when she went back to work when I was 11. They were very close with our long-time neighbors back in the 80s and they were reliable and kind, I don't even think they took money from my parents/)

Some graduate from Nannies to housekeeper/babysitter - think Alice in Brady Bunch. Some hire a college student or high schooler. Some figure out staggered schedules so that the time is minimal for the child(ren) to be home alone. Some use aftercare -either at school or at Church’s or TKD places that pick up. Some get an au pair.