RTO with pre-teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kids can't be trusted to come home on their own, than they are not, by definition, too old for afterschool care. Why are you asking this question right before school starts? Youve had all summer to figure it out.

Fwiw i trust my 9 year old to be home alone for up to an hour each day. But all kids are different.

This is also my thought. If they can’t safely traverse the route from school and stay at home by themselves then by definition they are not too old for after care or a high school sitter. My parents did this from 4th-5th grade and once we were in 6th grade my twin and I were on our own.

If you need an older child to watch a younger child you may want to err on the side of the older child being in 7th or 8th grade. My oldest is 2 years older than my middle child and four years older than my youngest and I wouldn’t expect a 12 year old to be responsible for a 10 year old and an 8 year old. I would be fine with my oldest supervising when she is 14 or 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

Returning to what... the old way of doing things that ensures crappy real estate is being utilized. Ok, great accomplishment I guess? We found a more efficient way to operate during Covid. Cut commutes, reduce expenses, manage time better, divert that saved money to more pressing needs and more worthy causes. What's wrong with all of that? Why go back to the horse and buggy when you have a 21st century car? Because companies and the nitwit in the Oval Office is still living in the past and wants to bring us all back to his favorite time period?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

Returning to what... the old way of doing things that ensures crappy real estate is being utilized. Ok, great accomplishment I guess? We found a more efficient way to operate during Covid. Cut commutes, reduce expenses, manage time better, divert that saved money to more pressing needs and more worthy causes. What's wrong with all of that? Why go back to the horse and buggy when you have a 21st century car? Because companies and the nitwit in the Oval Office is still living in the past and wants to bring us all back to his favorite time period?

Work from home abuse. Most people I know who work from home seem to not be working most of the time. Of course not everyone is like this. They can take kids to school, pick them up, drive them to practice, go out for lunch, get nails done, work out, etc. the ones pissed are the ones who can no longer take kids to school or pick us and work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are they? It's weird you won't list their ages.

An eleven or twelve year old should be able to walk or take the bus and stay alone for an hour or so.

At that age we encouraged after school clubs plus taking the late bus home. Kid did three clubs so was only home alone for a little bit three days a week. The other two days I felt fine leaving him for a couple hours.

They’re 10.5 and 12.5. We live off a busy street, and it’s generally safe but we’ve had our share of cop cars driving around for more than standard patrolling. So, this isn’t exactly a Leave it to Beaver neighborhood. My kids have already seen someone get handcuffed. We’re not far from a major highway, either.

And yes, working a hybrid schedule was quite helpful when all I needed to do was let my kids into the house and tell them to start their homework, not do a Supermom costume switch into my secret pinafore while on the clock. It would be nice if my org was still even a tad bit flexible, but alas, it is what it is. So yep, the easiest option- let me drive home early to finish the day at home— is no longer in reach. Maybe laying all my cards on the table with my boss would help.

Unless they are immature for their ages, they should be able to be home together when there are gaps in afterschool activities. I started babysitting for a few hours in the afternoon when I was 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

OP has a 10 yo and 12 yo, so she already juggled kids plus commute before COVID - probably she had daycare, or an aftercare designed for little kids. She probably also teleworked a few days a week, which everyone seems to forget was a common thing pre-covid.

But care options for bigger kids are different, and post-COVID childcare availability is worse for everybody. Most of the afterschool pick-up type programs have closed. Part-time nannies are not really a thing because you can get more hours anywhere else. The onsite aftercare at my kid's school is designed for 6 and under; my kid is allowed to be there but there's not a supervised quiet space for homework, let alone a club offering like chess or music.

And yes, it was hard before COVID too - but things are not simply "returning," they are worse than they were before COVID.

We'll deal with it, but it sucks and people are allowed to say it's sucky.

[Anonymous]

Most elementary schools have aftercare through 5th grade. Ours does and yes, there are fewer kids the older you get, but such is life.
You can probably find a high school kid who might be up for making extra money to walk your kids home and hang out with them until dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most elementary schools have aftercare through 5th grade. Ours does and yes, there are fewer kids the older you get, but such is life.
You can probably find a high school kid who might be up for making extra money to walk your kids home and hang out with them until dinner.

You are going to get a high school kid to walk home a middle schooler?

Our middle school ends at 230. HS ends later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

Returning to what... the old way of doing things that ensures crappy real estate is being utilized. Ok, great accomplishment I guess? We found a more efficient way to operate during Covid. Cut commutes, reduce expenses, manage time better, divert that saved money to more pressing needs and more worthy causes. What's wrong with all of that? Why go back to the horse and buggy when you have a 21st century car? Because companies and the nitwit in the Oval Office is still living in the past and wants to bring us all back to his favorite time period?

Work from home abuse. Most people I know who work from home seem to not be working most of the time. Of course not everyone is like this. They can take kids to school, pick them up, drive them to practice, go out for lunch, get nails done, work out, etc. the ones pissed are the ones who can no longer take kids to school or pick us and work out.

I've seen plenty of onsite workers more or less wasting the day away gossiping and accomplishing little to nothing, one literally with her feet up on the desk looking at her FaceBook page. Boss did nothing about it. I'm not impressed with the supposedly superior in-person culture of some places. Those who will abuse their time will find a way to do so in person or from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most elementary schools have aftercare through 5th grade. Ours does and yes, there are fewer kids the older you get, but such is life.
You can probably find a high school kid who might be up for making extra money to walk your kids home and hang out with them until dinner.

You are going to get a high school kid to walk home a middle schooler?

Our middle school ends at 230. HS ends later.

Exactly. By next year, my 10 year old will be taller than many of the high schoolers who could "babysit" him. That would be amusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

OP has a 10 yo and 12 yo, so she already juggled kids plus commute before COVID - probably she had daycare, or an aftercare designed for little kids. She probably also teleworked a few days a week, which everyone seems to forget was a common thing pre-covid.

But care options for bigger kids are different, and post-COVID childcare availability is worse for everybody. Most of the afterschool pick-up type programs have closed. Part-time nannies are not really a thing because you can get more hours anywhere else. The onsite aftercare at my kid's school is designed for 6 and under; my kid is allowed to be there but there's not a supervised quiet space for homework, let alone a club offering like chess or music.

And yes, it was hard before COVID too - but things are not simply "returning," they are worse than they were before COVID.

We'll deal with it, but it sucks and people are allowed to say it's sucky.

OP here. Yes, I had a convenient daycare and elementary school with aftercare. And then COVID hit and employers and schools sucked parents dry expecting us to literally do it all to keep their businesses afloat and keep the staff healthy, all on our backs. The least they could do is make employment in the post-COVID world a little easier. Many of our did our part and stepped up to support our employers and schools. So yep, I feel we're owed a little bit of accommodation. But alas, everyone has very short term memories. We did so much-- for them and for the schools, opening our homes to the workplace, setting up desks, working longer than 40 hours per week, doing our best to help teachers and schools get by and then... swift kick in the a$$?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

OP has a 10 yo and 12 yo, so she already juggled kids plus commute before COVID - probably she had daycare, or an aftercare designed for little kids. She probably also teleworked a few days a week, which everyone seems to forget was a common thing pre-covid.

But care options for bigger kids are different, and post-COVID childcare availability is worse for everybody. Most of the afterschool pick-up type programs have closed. Part-time nannies are not really a thing because you can get more hours anywhere else. The onsite aftercare at my kid's school is designed for 6 and under; my kid is allowed to be there but there's not a supervised quiet space for homework, let alone a club offering like chess or music.

And yes, it was hard before COVID too - but things are not simply "returning," they are worse than they were before COVID.

We'll deal with it, but it sucks and people are allowed to say it's sucky.

OP here. Yes, I had a convenient daycare and elementary school with aftercare. And then COVID hit and employers and schools sucked parents dry expecting us to literally do it all to keep their businesses afloat and keep the staff healthy, all on our backs. The least they could do is make employment in the post-COVID world a little easier. Many of our did our part and stepped up to support our employers and schools. So yep, I feel we're owed a little bit of accommodation. But alas, everyone has very short term memories. We did so much-- for them and for the schools, opening our homes to the workplace, setting up desks, working longer than 40 hours per week, doing our best to help teachers and schools get by and then... swift kick in the a$$?

Are you here to solve your issue or vent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After care through 6th which was awful for DD as the oldest kid there by a lot. Then I job searched until I found WFH that would allow school pick up- I still work 9 plus hour days. Prob not the answer you are looking for, sorry Op.

Just a vent, but my job (which is now 100% in the office) was the WFH job that I got in order to support school pickup. I'd change jobs again but the market is so bad right now. We've got 2 more years at this school before DD can walk 1 mile to the next school.
-not OP

Many people are in the same boat.

The WFH parents of elementary kids who never had to deal with commutes have a rude awakening.

Exhibit A above. Crab in a bucket thrives on schaudenfreude.

It’s not schaudenfreude. But life is about tradeoffs. Plenty of us have complicated situations.

A family's income and ability to pay the mortgage, medical bills, local taxes, save for retirement and not end up on a cot in our kid's basement at 80, is a pretty big tradeoff. We're all not sole proprietors running shops in a sweet little town where the kids can skip home from the one room schoolhouse anymore. We work for cold hard agencies and corporations ran by mostly men who still think it's 1950 and mama's waiting by the door with a glass of scotch and dinner in the oven.

You seem to be targeting your anger in the wrong place.

Pre pandemic working parents had FT Nannie’s, PT college students, after care, before care. Post COVID, working parents were used to working from home, driving kids around, going to bus stop while working from home. Now things are returning.

OP has a 10 yo and 12 yo, so she already juggled kids plus commute before COVID - probably she had daycare, or an aftercare designed for little kids. She probably also teleworked a few days a week, which everyone seems to forget was a common thing pre-covid.

But care options for bigger kids are different, and post-COVID childcare availability is worse for everybody. Most of the afterschool pick-up type programs have closed. Part-time nannies are not really a thing because you can get more hours anywhere else. The onsite aftercare at my kid's school is designed for 6 and under; my kid is allowed to be there but there's not a supervised quiet space for homework, let alone a club offering like chess or music.

And yes, it was hard before COVID too - but things are not simply "returning," they are worse than they were before COVID.

We'll deal with it, but it sucks and people are allowed to say it's sucky.

OP here. Yes, I had a convenient daycare and elementary school with aftercare. And then COVID hit and employers and schools sucked parents dry expecting us to literally do it all to keep their businesses afloat and keep the staff healthy, all on our backs. The least they could do is make employment in the post-COVID world a little easier. Many of our did our part and stepped up to support our employers and schools. So yep, I feel we're owed a little bit of accommodation. But alas, everyone has very short term memories. We did so much-- for them and for the schools, opening our homes to the workplace, setting up desks, working longer than 40 hours per week, doing our best to help teachers and schools get by and then... swift kick in the a$$?

If your childcare went away during Covid, then the costs did too. Use some of the money you saved from not having to pay for aftercare for the past five years, to pay for it this bridge year. Next year I would think your kids will be mature enough to stay on their own if you think they are not quite ready this year.