80% of women swipe on just 20% of men on dating apps

[Anonymous]

Isn't that basically true for men too? Everyone thinks they deserve the best, even though they are not the best themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember the story about "West Elm Caleb"?
Tall, handsome, straight furniture designer who was "dating" every young woman in NYC and they were all crying about him on social media because they all thought they were his one true love.
Men will do whatever they can get away with. It's because we carry the babies that we need to be picky. Part of that means not sleeping with a guy the day you meet him and figuring out that, oh, this guy will never commit and isn't worth my time.

As West End Caleb showed, women don't want to make that choice. Instead, they get mad and blame Caleb for their choices.

Young women, just emerged from their parents' loving home, think that they are so special that the handsome prince will surely fall in love with them. I wish my mother would have given it to me straight about what dogs men can be, and what to actually look for in a man. I was too idealistic.

That's what college is for: figuring out the princes from the dogs. Did you expect your parents to teach you everything?

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of folks on OLD are divorced, since most folks in my circle met their first spouses either in undergrad/graduate school/fellowships/whatever.

So their first marriage was to someone they met organically, then if that falls apart, they are on OLD.

By that time, maybe they already have kids. They have educations, careers, faith communities, social circles. They have the ability to be picky, and so they are. They would rather be single forever than with the wrong man again, and they can afford to be.

So, things that folks in their mothers' generations might have put up with in order to keep food on the table are deal breakers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's beautiful being in that 20 percent though.

Those 20% are feasting.

It’s not a big deal. The market is working. High value men and women will never have issues.

Most of those women are looking for a husband, not to be part of a harem.

Incorrect. See the post 3 above yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should instead ask yourself why men consistently swipe right on a much higher percentage of women. Are they honestly interested in relationships with all of those women?

No.

And that's the difference. Women are choosy because they are trying to select for a life partner. Men are not choosy because hey, if they meet a life partner cool, but in the meantime, they are just looking for a warm bed. And unlike women, men don't have as tight of a timeline so they can play this game.

And if you are a man who is interested in a life partner, you need to better understand what makes you a good partner and highlight that. Women learn to do this from a young age out of necessity. Men can learn it too. Women want men who have their $hit together. If you are struggling on the dating market, start there.

I feel like my adult DD could have posted this. She is so sick of the majority of men online simply looking for hook ups and nothing more, regardless of what they say on their profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't stop it. Women evolved to maximize their reproductive opportunities because they spend 9 months carrying the child and then a period breastfeeding.

Surviving societies "solved" this problem by taking rights away from women and making them dependent on men. Couple economic empowerment with modern birth control, and you get the status quo.

This doesn't get fixed until an old school solution is imposed on women, and that's not happening anytime soon. Women understandably love the status quo. Look how many here prefer being alone to being stuck with a manchild. But make no mistake, as we are seeing in places ranging from Italy to Korea, this status quo won't last because it doesn't replace itself.

The future belongs to whoever forces women to have babies. Right now, that's not the West or East.

Exactly. People are trying to find a way to solve it, and it can only be done by social change or legally rolling back rights. Nothing is going to happen to you if you don’t get married or have kids, no social blowback or consequences means that there isn’t any pressure to pick. There isn’t a culture of arranged marriages or waiting for sex until marriage that forces relationships. It used to be a major shame on your family if you got pregnant out of wedlock and you had to marry the guy. That doesn’t happen now because people don’t get accidentally knocked up like that as much anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy. It's because 80% of profiles suck, and of the 20% that are decent, 80% of those men don't know how to have a conversation or ask a woman out.

The vast majority of men's profiles I see have little to no text ("if you want to know something, just ask!" BARF) and the pictures are all bad selfies.

If you can't put in some effort in a dating profile, which takes 20 minutes tops, I know you're not going to put any effort into actually dating. Swipe left.

Then if you do match, most men just repeat "hey" "sup" "how r u" literally over and over again. It's exhausting trying to carry on a conversation, and they never actually ask you out.

The men I swipe right on don't have to be a 6-6-6-6. They have to:

1. Put enough into their profile that I get a sense of who they are and that we're a decent match.

2. Have something to say other than "hey". I have tons of information in my profile, find something to comment on and have a conversation about.

3. Ask me out relatively quickly. Yes, I want to exchange a few messages first, but if we're still texting after a few days and you haven't actually planned a date, I'm out. And yes, you have to plan a date. Just saying "we should meet up sometime" doesn't cut it.

I have 3 dates this weekend with men from OLD. They aren't top 20% in looks or income, but they showed genuine interest in *me*, and they were able to do basic things like a dinner reservation.

OLD is like any other pursuit in life. You get out of it what you put into it. If you do the bare minimum, expect bare minimum results.

Well said. Women put much more time into being attractive/presentable than men. I saw it at my ten year reunion. The women all looked great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't stop it. Women evolved to maximize their reproductive opportunities because they spend 9 months carrying the child and then a period breastfeeding.

Surviving societies "solved" this problem by taking rights away from women and making them dependent on men. Couple economic empowerment with modern birth control, and you get the status quo.

This doesn't get fixed until an old school solution is imposed on women, and that's not happening anytime soon. Women understandably love the status quo. Look how many here prefer being alone to being stuck with a manchild. But make no mistake, as we are seeing in places ranging from Italy to Korea, this status quo won't last because it doesn't replace itself.

The future belongs to whoever forces women to have babies. Right now, that's not the West or East.

Exactly. People are trying to find a way to solve it, and it can only be done by social change or legally rolling back rights. Nothing is going to happen to you if you don’t get married or have kids, no social blowback or consequences means that there isn’t any pressure to pick. There isn’t a culture of arranged marriages or waiting for sex until marriage that forces relationships. It used to be a major shame on your family if you got pregnant out of wedlock and you had to marry the guy. That doesn’t happen now because people don’t get accidentally knocked up like that as much anymore

Until those contraceptives and abortion become unavailable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Some women are following the 6-6-6 rule

https://nypost.com/2024/09/16/lifestyle/women-are-using-the-6-6-6-dating-rule-to-find-the-perfect-man-but-is-it-hurting-their-chance-at-finding-love/

You know what 666 is famous for? Stands to reason it could bring about end times.

FIFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:80% of rejected men should figure out why they aren't like the successful men and make adjustments if they don't want to be alone.

This. Maybe a matriarchal society is not a bad thing. We have never really tried it.

Yes - and then women will realize having babies just sucks the life right out of you, so, as a species we should not have any more babies and we humans go extinct within one generation.

This would be the ideal outcome. We deserve it.

Our family line will end with my kids so I guess we timed that perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't stop it. Women evolved to maximize their reproductive opportunities because they spend 9 months carrying the child and then a period breastfeeding.

Surviving societies "solved" this problem by taking rights away from women and making them dependent on men. Couple economic empowerment with modern birth control, and you get the status quo.

This doesn't get fixed until an old school solution is imposed on women, and that's not happening anytime soon. Women understandably love the status quo. Look how many here prefer being alone to being stuck with a manchild. But make no mistake, as we are seeing in places ranging from Italy to Korea, this status quo won't last because it doesn't replace itself.

The future belongs to whoever forces women to have babies. Right now, that's not the West or East.

Exactly. People are trying to find a way to solve it, and it can only be done by social change or legally rolling back rights. Nothing is going to happen to you if you don’t get married or have kids, no social blowback or consequences means that there isn’t any pressure to pick. There isn’t a culture of arranged marriages or waiting for sex until marriage that forces relationships. It used to be a major shame on your family if you got pregnant out of wedlock and you had to marry the guy. That doesn’t happen now because people don’t get accidentally knocked up like that as much anymore

That hasn't happened since our grandparent's generation. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't stop it. Women evolved to maximize their reproductive opportunities because they spend 9 months carrying the child and then a period breastfeeding.

Surviving societies "solved" this problem by taking rights away from women and making them dependent on men. Couple economic empowerment with modern birth control, and you get the status quo.

This doesn't get fixed until an old school solution is imposed on women, and that's not happening anytime soon. Women understandably love the status quo. Look how many here prefer being alone to being stuck with a manchild. But make no mistake, as we are seeing in places ranging from Italy to Korea, this status quo won't last because it doesn't replace itself.

The future belongs to whoever forces women to have babies. Right now, that's not the West or East.

Exactly. People are trying to find a way to solve it, and it can only be done by social change or legally rolling back rights. Nothing is going to happen to you if you don’t get married or have kids, no social blowback or consequences means that there isn’t any pressure to pick. There isn’t a culture of arranged marriages or waiting for sex until marriage that forces relationships. It used to be a major shame on your family if you got pregnant out of wedlock and you had to marry the guy. That doesn’t happen now because people don’t get accidentally knocked up like that as much anymore

That hasn't happened since our grandparent's generation. Keep up.

Maybe not the shame and all that, but the availability of birth control and abortion to prevent unplanned pregnancy definitely affected dating. Getting pregnant in your teens or early twenties means you don’t go to college, in some case girls were dropping out of high school. They have a little more pressure on needing stability and a duel income situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Studies have consistently found that women only swipe on the top 20% of men.

These repeatable results mean that 80% of men will experience perpetual rejection if they try to date.

No wonder there is a loneliness epidemic in the United States. This needs to stop.


How do we reverse / stop this from happening ?

There are many other places to meet women. And men are not entitled to any of the women on the apps. There is nothing to 'stop'.

Back in the good old days men (and women) just had to pick from those around them, many of whom weren't exactly 10s.

Of course both men and women on OLD are just swiping on the top 20%.

If you aren't gorgeous, high earning and in top shape for whatever reason, time to meet someone in your own lane.

[Anonymous]

The apps are very appearance based. It's not an organic forum or medium where people get to know each other naturally. People make their swiping decisions in about three seconds.

If you are in your 20s and 30s, it does not take that much to work out and eat well and look good. If you cannot even manage that, well, yeah, strangers are going to be swiping in the wrong direction. Healthy and fit is the first thing a potential partner is going to notice - probably for very rational evolutionary reasons. Once they cross that bar, it goes to kindness, charm, humor, responsibility, and so on.

It's not complicated. And yet so few people cross these very basic thresholds.

[Anonymous]

Everyone thinks they deserve the best, even though they are not the best themselves

Sort of but not exactly. I don't think I deserve the best looking guy as an average looking woman (fit but average face). I do think I deserve someone smart and driven, since I am also smart and driven. That doesn't have to equate to $ (e.g., a professor or public defender would be fine), but I want someone with professional drive like me. I also want someone who is not interested in having kids with me, as I don't want that. Someone with a teen or older of their own I am open to.